Showing posts with label Kids. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Kids. Show all posts

Aug 10, 2013

Teenage angst

How long does this phase last ?  The rule books are out on this.

My youngest is entering the teen phase soon, although I think he's there already...

My oldest is out of the teen zone but still very much in the phase of hormones... or it could a girl thing.

I honestly cannot recall going through this phase with that much upheaval where my parents were concerned. I think it was within me, betweee me and myself and among school mates mostly but it wasn't too rocky a period, quite uneventful I think... or did I have it too much under control. Hmmm ???

The good thing is, they are talking to me; I won't always call it a conversation all the time, it could be one way (either way) too.

They get angry, so do I (I am allowed aren't I...I think the rule books says so ) but I keep it going when they think it's the end of the world, like there was no explosion,  and sometimes I behave like there was no battle and they can be baffled by this but I think they are getting used to the idea.  There are moments when they weigh it by, that the battle between us was stronger just by the length of my silence.

I will survive !


Jan 24, 2012

Time to do and think

It's the Chinese New Year holiday, and while I am not Chinese, I enjoy these holidays because it's the only time when it's a two days public holiday and this year it means a good long 4 day weekend.

I get one day to relax, the last day that is and the rest of it to spend with the kids and the family. At the back of my mind, I am consciously counting the days (7..) to the final court day.

I'm keeping myself busy, planning my son's birthday that's coming up next week and occupying myself and them with extra language exercises that they need. The boys unfortunately have a hard time getting into reading books of any kind. They've both got two years to prepare for major exams one for PSLE(to secondary) and one for the O levels. I'm trying out other methods to boost their vocabulary if  I can't force the reading. 

An interesting nugget from M Scott Peck's "Road Less Travelled'  -
Love is not simply giving; it is judicious giving and judicious withholding as well. I it judicious praising and judicious criticizing. It is judicious arguing, struggling, confronting, urging, pushing and pulling in addition to comforting..................requires thoughtful and often painful decisionmaking.

Sep 14, 2011

Chimes in children's voices

It's Sunday, and I usually take the dog for a walk in the evening and sit in the playground for a while, usually an hour before sunset.  In the past months I have noticed, there are more young children, and from a number of nationalities. It's like a junior UN.

I enjoy this moment when I have it.

It's quite something to watch them interact. They may be strangers initially for about three minutes, but soon they are bosom buddies, screaming, yelling playing catch or hide and seek and chasing each other all over the park. They play together, falling in so easily,  no matter the age difference or skin colour or their accents; the more the merrier. Unspoken rules yet they understand the child's world of play.

As I sit there listening, I find myself undisturbed and sooth; there is a sweetness in the voices, a freedom, ..not a care.I'm lulled into this nether world of innocence for a little while as I rest on a park bench amid plants and trees, lulled by voices like gentle chimes.

I wonder, is this  an example of what Ericc Fromm tried to describe as the 'Shabbat institution' ( a Sunday rest).."rest in the sense of the re-establishment of complete harmony between human beings and between them and nature."

Jul 30, 2011

Conflicting thoughts and making right choices.

Whenever we make a decision, whatever the circumstances, whatever the reasons, it's still our choice, right or wrong, we own it, we take responsibility for it. This is one of the classic steps to ease stress.

It struck me that at some point I would have to let the children make their choices and learn from it.

I can't continue to protect them on every front because I am not there. Hence my conflict, I have to rationalize.

I've been thinking alot lately that I am still allowing him(X) to yank my chain, through the children. I have been attempting to run interference but I'm advised, there's very little I can do at this point eventhough it could be what is right for them. The kids know that alot of things do not  feel right and yet, are they hoping to please both sides?  Is it fear or love that prods them, it's hard to decipher.
To me, I think they might not be the best judge, but I'm advised they are old enough even for 10 to know the difference.
The children must make their stand and learn to face their fears too. I do not want to cause more tensions and more confusion for the kids.  And the children ultimately need to realise what it is they want and what makes them happy, not what they think should or ought to be right thing to do.

The harsh truth is,  consequences may be the best teacher.

And I cannot please everyone either, I have do what I need to do too.

There is no right or wrong, just a difficult road.

Jul 19, 2011

Putting out fires

Sometimes I want to just shy away from the fight, to leave things be (hope for the best) and wish somebody else will fight my problems for me.  I have never been good at confrontations, perhaps a consequence of my strange marriage experience which keeps me running back to the corner now and then, (thank God it happens less frequently).

The ex  now appears to be drawing the kids' teachers into his battle plan. But not all of them, he picks the weaker child or the weaker subject and uses that to his advantage. He had gone to see a none-too favourite teacher of my youngest boy and since then, my son had been behaving antsy, in fits and starts I would hear strange statements made by this teacher through my son. And my first thought was 'no way, the  ex is not going to use a teacher to continue his bullying for him, and if this teacher is dumb enough to be influenced on heresay, then he deserves to be reported'. Then I thought about it and decided I would not jump the gun, I would go corner him and find out exactly his view of the situation, to see how his inclinations swayed.

I hate confrontations, eventhough this was not quite that, but it had to be done for my son's sake. After all, teachers have been instructed specifically to stay clear of family issues and ensure the child's well-being.
I gave him a surface 'lay of the land' and expressed my concerns as to the changes (negative) in my son's behaviour, considering that all seemed to be as well as could be in the past (same teacher for this subject) until recently (when my ex began to involve himself in the children's school and their study). The teacher went on about his methods and his wishes for the students and so on. I told him that was all good and fine until he used the word discipline. 'Discipline' is my ex's favourite excuse for his past abuse of the children. And when that word came up, I looked him in the eyes and said that sure it is important, but a child must also want to do it (persuaded to do so for the right reasons).

I did not wish to give him the full background just enough for him to understand, that the child dwells currently in a hostile environment,  that he(teacher) needed to watch where he tread, as there was a lot more than just a divorce affecting the child and I did not want my son retreating backwards dreading old experiences (before the protection order was applied).

The teacher must have gotten the idea, as he hastily seemed to assure me that he would certainly not touch on family situations but ensure the child's well-being where school matters are concerned, taking into account my concerns.

Jul 15, 2011

How do I protect them?

Since my post on Scheming or Caring, it's been more than a week and I don't think it's helping, because his old habits are still in him.

My instincts tell me that my youngest is going haywire and reverting back to the way he used to feel. While my Ex cannot use threats or the cane he still ignites fear; his presence makes them tense and they seem pressured over their homework and school stuff.
They are still afraid of his reactions to anything and everything. That's an old fear, eventhough this time round, the consequences are not what they used to be before.
But still so afraid.

There can be a irrationality about him(ex), and now I see/hear less,  I don't know how he speaks to the boys(he does more of that when I'm not around or within my oldest's hearing and how it makes them feel.  Is he exercising his narcissistic authority and 'power'(not physical but mental) in other ways, and is it being directed against the youngest boy now?
My youngest is starting to withdraw again, keeping away from his friends and acting 'more hyper'.

I can't seem to reassure them enough that things will work out, and until that time comes, I can only pray that God spares their anxieties.

It's emotional abuse and an even finer line. How do I make anyone understand?

Jun 16, 2011

Soon we will sing.

It's nearly two years since I wrote  Moments to sing.... Sep 2009
It makes me sad to remember what was, INSTEAD I should be happy for the now.

We have come a long way, there is a difference in our lives now.
The boys are less afraid, and though his temper seems controlled and he has lulled them some, the kids are not totally buying it. 
And so that tells me that they are not totally free of those memories and fear.

Yet they appear to be in better control of their responses to him and fear does not rule like it did before.  

They are aware, they are coping.

My prayers are being answered, not in the way I imagined but there is more light entering our lives today.

I hope there will be light for many others who are in the dark today.

Jun 12, 2011

Sunday Solitude: clearing the cobwebs

Do I sound angry ? Yes I do, I am. I can't think clearly when I feel threatened.

As I sat in church today, and it being Pentecost I thought what is stopping the spirit from entering, from taking over and therefore setting me free.

I believe, I mouth the words in prayer, I ask for it, I want to leave it all in HIS hands and yet I suppose my 'windows' are not open to receive anything, that is my heart and the right parts of my mind.  What is the baggage cluttering up the way?

Why do I not let it all go and leave it to HIM.   'We know that God makes all things work together for the good of those who love him. -Rom 8-28 '

It is worry about the kids and their feelings, more than anything else.

When I am not thinking about the kids, but that I can finally move forward, these are the moments of lightness, a minute of peace-like feeling, a weightlessness.
Yet I cannot hold on to it longer.
Because I cannot stop worrying about the kids.
What does it mean?
That I do not have sufficient faith in God to look after the kids. Does this mean I attribute my X with more power?
That is ridiculous!
Time to clear the cobwebs in my brain and clear the clutter.

I have to let the system work but I must trust HIM still, in this.

Feb 28, 2011

Staying afloat...

Still here…been busy and tied up with the children - emotional and psychological, putting out the fires started by my ‘unofficial’ ex.
The ‘battle’ continues and he is not happy at the way it seems to be going.
Until it is over, he’ll continue playing mind games, leading the kids into the worry zone and it’s screwing with their peace of mind.
Reassurances are just not enough.

School is keeping them busy and me too.
Sorry too, I have not been able to make my blog rounds. I miss that.

I can’t relax until it is resolved.

I’m not dealing with the change of status in the way I expected to. No matter how rational I want to be, tradition and stereotypical thoughts still invade.

The reality of the life after will be much, much better and yet it’s the impact on the people around me that keeps coming around to me.
My folks are supportive but what do they really think. I feel I have disappointed them by failing in this. I have been consoled by the fact that while I have the many valid reasons to opt out I did not do so and instead stuck it out. Nobody expects me to play the matyr.

Still inspite of the support, I can’t help feeling that I have broken sacred traditions.
I have good friends who want to twack me on the head for my ‘silliness’ and remind me of what is important.
I am grateful for them…
…..and Sunday’s service reminded me again that God loves me too.

Jan 1, 2011

Wading throug rough waters ..........

I'm glad the old year is gone. We caught some great fireworks last night, that was a small consolation to make up for the lack of a family gathering to spend the eve with. We had our own little party, chips, marshmallows and wine for the toast.
How do we shake thoughts we don't want to have ? Temptation thrives on the weaknesses that we have and adds fuel to these thoughts and they just persist. Lately old bad memories of the earlier years have been invading my thoughts and they are sadly (and ironically) triggered by happy recall of memories among the family members. Why can't I get over them ?

I keep reminding myself, no one owes us a living, it's up to us to live our lives and make what is needed of it.
Yet because of the season, probably because I keep dwelling on what is to come and what is yet to be settled, I feel  a little hollow and alone.

I'm trying to ignore it and put it aside; to keep a positive face for the kids. It is tiring. Envy and self-pity seem to be rearing their heads and I feel like withdrawing from happy company. I am very conscious of them but the thoughts seem to be digging their heels in deeper. I pray and perhaps it is not enough. Daily tasks take their toll and I am feeling drained.  Keeping busy is the solution, but that takes energy too.

My daughter has been acting up lately - a teenager I expected to have the least issues with.  It's an old argument 'we can't always have what we want' . She has much more than most and yet it's not enough. Why because she forgets everything else that she has when focusing on the something that she wants and cannot get. Why do they always dwell on what they have not rather than what they have. 
She forgets there will be more expenses to come when she moves on to the next stage of higher learning.
I keep thinking, she is lucky, I am not my mother. But I will not over-compensate either.

The two boys well they are their usual selves.  It's like they take turns (I should be grateful) to act up.

Count your blessings.

Dec 4, 2010

Spring cleaning & reading habits

My last assignment was finally handed in and that weight is off my shoulders. It's time to prepare for Christmas.
It has been a year since I got the 5 ft tree. Last year I put it up alone, this year, the kids will do it.

The rainy season has kicked in too. Christmas is always wet for us, not white.

The personal stuff still weighs heavy on my mind but I am practicing at managing it.  Proceedings are not over yet, a couple of hurdles yet to go over what is called the 'ancillaries.'  But I am less worried over that.

Today saw the slow beginning of spring cleaning. The first are the children's bookshelves. There are so many good books and yet the boys who need to get in the most reading have the toughest time about it. They are not into my definition of 'good' books, they are into beast master,  monster,...  ghost and creature, ..power or action figure fiction.
I end up buying books they will read so that they do read.

Why is it so much harder for boys to read books than girls?

I was thinking maybe I should pay them to read the good books !

I had to make space painfully and so many of these books will have to go to the thrift shop because I know they will never get read at all here. So sad.

The new year will hold many new experiences for us, and keeping those in mind, I am looking forward to it.
Like the rain that washes the air clean, so too the new year will bring us a cleansing of the negative.

Oct 28, 2010

Menace still at large ..

... still in the process.

27 Oct :
 Like the menacing mosquito that hovers, that’s how it felt for a few hours. I return home early today and the hall is deserted and the house is quiet. And I realise he is back.

The boys are in their room doing their own things along with their sister who is usually in the dining room studying.

What does he do, interrogates and questions them to get a feel for their loyalty. The boys responses are unsure or was it. Disappears back to where ever he came from.
He’s gathering points I think to show I am not a perfect mum.

My dad came to check on the kids as usual. He verbally attacks him. Why does he attack my father, why does he question his kindness and care for my kids? Is he jealous or is he afraid that the kids are doing fine without him.

I talked to my dad, he tells me don't worry. I ask if they argued, he says not by his definition, although my husband raised his voice. My husband it seems imagines that the world is conspiring against him. 

What is he afraid of?

He slapped the boys earlier for some excuse (not performing some ritual they are supposed to). What is wrong with him? Like a fix he has to get, the need to kick at someone, what?.

One visit for a few hours and my youngest is stressed again, my daughter is holding her breathe and my middle child, he's frowning, unsure of the innuendos.

Need to get advise.

I'm controlling myself.. I want to scream out loud .
Can I just echo here what my youngest son said - I hate him.

Aug 18, 2010

A day in the Life - Interact not react, express don't suppress...

My middle child has always been the least expressive and that can be credited to his father.  And yet for these past long stretches of time when the father has been away, I had assumed kid2 had overcome this problem since his quick temper seemed to imply he was not suppressing his angry outbursts.

But I am wrong.  The old conditioning has gone much deeper

The reason for his current bursts of anger is because he is unable to express and communicate what he feels or thinks. He merely reacts with anger to a sibling confrontation, absorbs it without arguing the point of the matter or reasoning it out; walks away. Yes he may throw back an accusation like  'you also do it ' but does not speak up on what is running through his head on the subject nor maintain a stand for himself. And when the other party continues with the badgering of the 'bad action' he merely explodes out of frustration.

Like a balloon, I explain to him, if he is able to argue for himself (by expression) the frustration would not build up and he would be able to let out some of the air and maintain control. Otherwise it finally bursts like his outburst.
To my dismay, what it also means is that he not able to interact on a personal level comfortably with his siblings.

I hope it is not too late to start.

So we learn, from a particular blowup of one Saturday morning, and we will work on that.
I will help him... practise to get words out , 'talk about your thoughts and feelings, you have as much right to voice them'.

Jul 22, 2010

Leaning on your Child ?

(My encounter with a friend’s child raised many questions, she’s a single mom with 2 kids.)

Is it right to look to your child (who has not reached twenty) for emotional support even if you think he or she is capable of it ?
Is it right to make him/her feel obligated in that role at so early an age.

How much responsibility is too much for a child? Is it maturity or a child’s ‘over-sense’ to take care of mum. She says ‘I should’ not ‘I want’.

What does it strangle in childhood development?

Does she hold back her emotions because of this role? (I suppose she does if she decided to open up to me, I meet them irregularly 2-3 mths once.)

Are they afraid to upset mom?

My friend has always interacted with her children in a ‘whiny’ sort of way, in a adult to adult manner and not so much as child and mother, they always do things together, she always gets the older girl to help her do things, is how I would describe it, ….is my friend clingy .. I’m not there to observe all that .

I broached the subject with my friend as delicately as a friend can, but she sort of brushed it aside ‘don’t worry, my child tells me everything’.

Does she?
I will stay in touch with the older girl and let her mum use my ears more.

It set me thinking of course, do I lean on my child’s shoulder ? I don’t think we should do that, do you ?
Do any of my kids think that ?

Jul 15, 2010

Where have I been ?

I 've been nowhere in particular, just missing in action on this front. 

Been thinking about the me as a mother. What should I do or what do I need to do ?.

It comes down to what I need to do for me before I can take care of the what I should do for the kids.

If you are a lone parent, you might understand what I am saying. 

I'm sorry for not visiting many of you lately, but I will come.

Jun 28, 2010

The mind of a 9 year old....

Lately I've been trying to deal with some issues that my youngest son seems to have developed.
He's more mature for his age, thinks more about the burdens of life as a child as opposed to just enjoying.

He is hyper, I believe I have mentioned it before. When he plays he forgets, but when he stops playing all manner of 'worries' seem to creep into his head- mostly the stuff that he does not like to do. And those things seem to weigh down on him. He uses the word 'stress' easily when he actually means he is angry at being forced to do them - simple things like doing some written work particularly the 2nd language, his brother's put down, curbing his play time or has unfinished homework that worries..
Boredom builds fast for him so he constantly needs to be occupied but within the occupation he soon looses interest too. It's hard to keep his mind on a non-action subject for long.

So one I've been giving him examples of more stressful possibilities that have/ could have occurred in our lives to define what stress really could be (he understands that better than most [glad he seems to have forgotten];and two, I have also been trying to get him to understand that he needs to mend his attitude otherwise he's not going to be able to cope with what he calls life and will always have this problem because others are not giving him his freedom. His expectations seem more complicated for a child.

I have to keep at it for it to work. ................       .so many little things to keep at ...

How do you explain what the job of a kid is to a kid?

Jun 16, 2010

School hols - tough on me

It’s the school hols, the long mid year break.
It’s tough being a working mum and tougher during school breaks.

I don’t have that many days of annual leave to take off, so it's quite hard to plan outings around. Annual leave totals 11 days only (call the company stingy.. whatever.. that’s life).  I seriously envy those who have 20 or more days leave.

I sneer and roll my eyes at politicians who babble about work-life balance and push pro-family wonders (where's the time to enjoy it) and can't figure why this country can't grow it's population. Well the happy-go-lucky young have one answer and the experienced have a different response. Good luck to the politicians.

I always wish I can do more with them during their hols, I would like to spend more time with the kids but I can’t afford to. I keep 1 or 2 days for Christmas and some days for the second big break at the end of the year and of course a 1 or 2 for possible emergencies. Sounds pathetic, I agree.
This year I decided the schools would have to meet my timing after office hours for any compulsory PT stuff (if they weren't scheduled on a Saturday), they are not entitled to my leave.

My girl is busy with the major exam that is not too far down the road, and the boys essentially entertain themselves with their electronic games and TV.
You’d think they have more than enough to occupy themselves, yet they still get bored. Grandparents help but I don't want them to bother much, it is their time to relax and the kids can be stressful.

It’s difficult trying to get them to follow some work schedule(to keep in touch with the books) when you are not there. In the office, I am more distracted by their phone calls and keeping track of what they are doing at home.

Sigh....more leave would be good...

May 19, 2010

A Day in the Life..... coping yet not.!

The days seem to move by fast, the exams are over for now. Last weekend, I took the kids out after breakfast.  Crazy ! Yes, since the HEAT has been excessive.
I thought, let's get them out of the house for a while before it gets too hot (which is an understatement) and away from the Gameboys,  game consols and PC, I'm sure you get the picture. 
I also thought it would be good for me,  provided I could also have an air-conditioned suit made. A few hours wouldn't kill me, we'd be back after lunch. What I needed and what I've been needing for a while now, is some quiet.

I took them to the beach for a couple of hours, one rode a bike and the other two roller bladed and of course there was much complaining after that - skin abrasions,  this too tight and that worn out and .. muscles aching .. , . goodness I thought what are they going to be like at 30 !. 
I sat by myself in the warm shade, read some but mostly observed the beach, the water,  people and dogs around me. I got my quiet for a couple of hours, when the kids were off on their jaunt, but it was not enough;  I don't think I really sank into it..

Lately the buzz at home gets to me. Sometimes I can't seem to organise the kids. The moment I step into the house, they bombard me with narratives, instructions from school, their itinerary for the day , the next day and 'can I do this' and 'can I go to a friend's house tomorrow or can I go to the park etc etc etc. Mostly it's late, and I 'handle it' , and try to cover as much ground with them. Time seems to be my worst enemy like a stalker.  
I forget I'm in charge but go with the flow of what needs to get done. And then,  every  1 out of 2 nights, there will be two (any) who get noisy and quarrelsome among themselves,  and all I want to do is yell at them and chase them to bed.

Little things just add to the irritation - untidy desk, books not stored away, loose stationery etc.  I just deal and cope with it.  I 'm tired, I try to read to get away, ignore the buzz, but am not relaxed.

You know what they say about repressing emotions, sooner or later it will find an out.

I don't know if this situation is unique or quite common. I suppose it is time for a time-out but some action is needed as well .

Apr 10, 2010

Glee .. more than just Harmony

I know.. I'm slowing down in my posts..well the thing is I've been sort of catching up with my other activities like my card making(stamp craft). There are a few occasions to prepare for. But I'm still making my visits to your posts.

There is an excellent new American programme called 'Glee' on the cable channel, I've caught it a few times.
The concept of this show is wonderful (kudos to the creator!!); it is not just entertaining and 'educational' as a whole but also motivational.

Each of the characters are different, not just by race but by attitudes.
There are different traits, situations and ideals, weaknesses turned to strengths... brought out that youth today can relate to. The underlying messages are valuable.

In one of the episodes, this song 'Imagine' was 'sung by a deaf group of students to the Glee students, ..and it was moving.

...................  And the world will live as one...

Have a good week ahead.

Apr 2, 2010

Scratching my's a Gen Y thing!

'It's too quiet to study'.
Why are young people so uncomfortable with silence?
'Can't sit still'.
Why are they constantly fidgeting and moving.

'What's the hurry?'
There always seems to be a fire somewhere except with homework.
"Bored !"
Aren't there a million and one things to do, watch and play ? 

I have two good legs, how am I 'lame' ?

Superman is not the only one wearing his underwear on the outside today, of course I knew that !
Just because her name is Gaga, doesn't mean you have to go on about her, do you? 

What's changed in the cycle of life between my time and there's.
Isn't the womb still a quiet place ?
Were they plugged in to the phone when we were ?
Were we walking faster than our parents?
Is it the extra goodness they have - the food, the gadgets, the vitamins ?

Has the English vocabulary changed since I last went to school?

Perhaps it's the hole in the ozone !

If this is Generation Y, will get more interesting, I can't wait to see Gen Z !

Post subjects

Life (81) Kids (49) Me (44) Living (42) poem (39) Faith (37) Human Nature (35) Stress (31) motherhood (29) Bloggers (18) Encouragement (18) divorce (18) Books (17) Love (17) hope (17) Experience (15) Journal1 (12) anger (12) courage (12) prayer (12) wisdom (12) abuse (11) healing (10) Friends (9) Musing (9) smile (9) Rant (8) family (8) moving forward (8) Miracles (7) fear (7) senses (7) Xmas (6) Music (5) award (5) death (5) learning (5) Balance (4) God's plan (4) Home (4) M S Peck (4) New Year (4) expression (4) narcissist (4) Fate (3) Health (3) memories (3) parenting (3) peace (3) whiny ex (3) Catholic (2) Interests (2) Language (2) Vacation (2) conflict (2) house hunting (2) law (2) melancholy (2) packing (2) perfection (2) stormy relationships (2) teenagers (2) time (2) women (2) workplace (2) C S Lewis (1) Charity (1) Christmas (1) Courtesy (1) Dengue (1) Dog (1) Eric Fromm (1) Father (1) Haze (1) Hello Kitty (1) Inspiration (1) Joke (1) Joy (1) Life lessons (1) Mail (1) McDonald's (1) Mother Nature (1) Mother's Day (1) Procrastination (1) Robert Frost (1) Screwtape Letters (1) TV show (1) Timing (1) WWWeb (1) Will (1) assertiveness (1) balcony (1) blog (1) carnival (1) choice (1) contentment (1) coping with stress (1) crystals (1) daughter (1) diary (1) evil (1) family law (1) finance (1) forgiveness (1) furniture (1) garden (1) growing pains (1) hand-me-downs; jumble sale (1) hobby (1) hormones (1) interior design (1) justice (1) likeable (1) matrimonial property (1) mean (1) nature or nuture (1) paranoia (1) personal expression (1) personal journey (1) pet dog (1) plants (1) pride (1) protection (1) queue (1) recycle (1) responsibility (1) retreat (1) rights (1) rings (1) seeking happiness (1) self pity (1) sentimental value (1) sincere (1) staying calm (1) survival (1) wedding symbols (1)


Blog Widget by LinkWithin

Follow by Email

Visitors commented on... memo pad...meaningful posts ... ...


FEEDJIT Live Traffic Feed