Self pity

Self pity...it's easy to fall into this hole,

they are fairly common along the road

we walk every day.

It comes from holding on to the past.

Let go.

Unfortunately those around us 

don't always let us forget

and moments, words in exchange

force us to remember bitter thoughts.

and then we fall.

To what purpose ?

Yesterday I read about Wanda who lost her son and I wandered what is God's purpose for those who knew Chris and loved him.

I posted this prayer button a while back. A young lady I knew learnt that the child she was carrying had  Edwards Syndrome. She was too far into term when discovered, they were confused and sad but continued on, prepared for his coming. What could the rest of us do but pray for the best, the infant, their strength and God's will.

Today, I attended the wake of this child, he was named Jeremiah, 8 months in his mother's care, a tiny life that never saw the light of day but will see the light of heaven. I never knew this little life and yet I feel extreme sorrow for his struggle to survive with this disease.

As his father says very calmly,  for the living, it is a test of faith.

A temporary soul.

Meandering thoughts

Strange the planet is so small, there's beauty and quiet to be found in some parts and bloodshed and poverty in others, yet each does not touch the other.
The news lately has been bothering me, there's very little good news these days,
- a doctor drowns while diving, - a man is in a coma because he was struck by lightning while he was golfing,   - a suicide bomb kills 100s in Baghdad, bombings in Pakistan that kill women and children,   - a place called Rayong south-east of Bangkok that has seen so much industrialization that the cancer rates and suicide rates are so much higher than the average in the country, and drinking water is contaminated with metals and chemicals... .
- cyclones and floods, earthquake victims and destruction...

Life is so fragile, and unpredictable, this old cliche will never grow old, do we know what happens tomorrow,  whether you be rich or poor death can come unannounced.
Are natural disasters an act of God or the wrath of God. Is it meant to be a renewal or punishment,  we ask  these questions ironically.  Yet here man is also chipping away at that already fragile surface, adding to all that,  the wrath of man and callousness of man,  so eager to hasten death of life and death of the earth. Sometimes I think God is trying to wrestle back control.

Is there a balance, it all seems to be weighted in favour of disaster. Can we tip the scales then,  it's upto the rest of us then to plead for and save the earth.

Living and Dying Well - M Scott Peck

Part 2-3 of Denial of the Soul

Dr Peck's theological and religious leaning comes through quite strongly in his advise on how we should approach death. It is as if he too was searching for a way to the ultimate stage of acceptance.
The second half of the book draws a parallel between living and dying and Dr Peck discusses what it means to do both well and in communion with God or one's deepest self (soul) for secularists. There are stages that we go through in any situation of trouble or crisis and it applies to dying too.  (Kubler-Ross stages of learning)
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance

Dr Peck puts forth that human beings are meant to continue learning and developing, most often we stop learning because we do not get pass the denial stage. The soul he believes, is not created to stagnate 'why would God not only create us but continue to nurture us unless we were developable. Unless God desired our development, our learning?' This he feels is the meaning of life.

Dying gives us the opportunity for learning and soul development. By opting for Euthanasia however we are denying the meaning of human existence and attempting to 'escape the reason for our being', 'it shortchanges ourselves.'  In his experience with dying individuals, the final stage of Acceptance appears to lead one to an ethereal awareness of self,  they seem to emanate 'light that embraces their company', no sadness is experienced.
When we are depressed, the healing of depression requires that there be (existential)l suffering. When we seek out answers to our troubled feelings, we come out on the other side with learning and wisdom on a higher plane. Interestingly he says sometimes the solution could mean there is no solution, we accept that and move on.  Dr Peck describes that to arrive at enlightenment we need to recognise our shortcomings and give up 'things of the ego' - arrogance, excessive competitiveness, need for self-esteem, righteousness etc. We need to identify it and realise we 'can give it up' and do it.  It is about making a choice to continue learning, to develop the inner being and thus we should continue to live until we cannot.

Death of the ego or letting go can be painful. Dr Peck likens these episodes of working at depression to 'little deaths'. One of these characteristics is the 'need to be in control'. Certain forms of Euthanasia or assisted suicides is motivated by this need to control our exit from life.  But Dr Peck maintains that it is not up to us to decide when. In such cases that need (ego), means forgoing cooperation with the Creator and forgoing the ultimate enlightenment of 'emptying ourselves'.  The relief of suffering at the expense of hastening death is acceptable as opposed to shortening life to avoid facing death. Extreme pain and suffering without viable relief is the influencing factor and timing is not of our choosing.
In the final part of the book part 3, Dr Peck discusses different ways to handle terminal illness, their aftercare and suggests methods and counseling for individual medical contexts and also proposes pastoral advisors for meeting the needs of the soul.

"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.”
I believe there is a close parallel in religious writings that many of us can identify with - 'to die in order to live'.

I am finished with the book but not really done with it (if you know what I mean).

Is it true the good die young?

My child was sick recently and with the recent H1N1 taking a toll, it worried me and started me along the road of maudlin thoughts and fears.

I knew 3 persons who had died around the age of 50. These persons were good people for various reasons – their attitudes to friends, colleagues and family. Why does God do that, especially when some of them had young children who would miss them terribly.
But when I look closer at each of these individuals, I realize they each had a greater depth to their inner being.

One lived quite selflessly first for his 5 younger siblings, he became a ‘mum’ of sorts when she died early; and then he lived selflessly for his 3 kids, keeping his troubles to himself always making others laugh. He died of a sudden heart failure (without prior illness) but he managed to speak to his wife in the last few minutes before he passed.
Another, was an uncle who prayed fervently, was active in church (like he was searching for something) and yet I knew even though he had a wife and child - was not happy. Yet he too showed us a happy face. The third was a colleague who was a very creative soul but had a little darkness to her character, which she displayed through dressing like Leticia (Adam’s family mother, always wore black lipstick) and was quite insightful in conversations with people around her. And she too was always smiling, joking, no matter how tough the work day was, never a melancholy sort in front of others.
If MJ’s death had not been how we know it now, he too would have fallen into this category, we know he was a persecuted soul yet he too had a different face for the world.

Is it that the heart gives out or the soul that has had enough or that Greater Goodness who decides that they have reached their limit of their human essence ? Someone once said they believed that some souls are temporary, are only on this earth to fulfill a higher purpose – to affect the lives of others.
How does one explain the passing of a young child. Why does God do that to mothers?