Tumultuous

These few weeks have been rather tumultuous. That's a good word to describe what's been going on in the family, among ourselves.

It seems my ex, the kids' father is somehow still standing in our midst and creating TROUBLE.

On the alternate weekends when they are with him, I get that he has not moved on and still curses me and complains and so on. The comments I hear from the kids when they are home with me tell me as much.

I'm trying to leave it (him, pain) behind and not talk about it nor do I wish to dredge up bad memories to remind the kids. But then I think, are they forgetting everything they've been through. Isn't that good ?

Let it be, let him do his best to prejudice the kids against me, let him weave his stories. I am tired of this.

Looking for my calm

The waiting is taking it's toll. I'm thinking.... look at rental while I'm waiting for the apartment so I don't have to put up with my ex's  foolhardy attempts to rile me with his stupid accusations and threats.
The house is not yet falling apart but the appliances and furniture which are old seem to be saying sayonara one by one.
It's like they know the end is near.

While the ex is still freeloading he has the audacity to blame me for breaking his things and letting things go to ruin and threatening to bring liable and legal charges.  I am advised to stay calm, and let him blow his hot air, his aim is ti wear me down.

Among other things, he's going to use the dog as his support for my not running a proper household.

It does seem like he's panicking, his reign of terror will soon be over and that's why he's craving attention.... so goes one theory.

I remind myself about prayer and trust and patience. I believe there's always been a (divine) plan....it seems I forget when it builds.

I wish he would just leave.

Chimes in children's voices

It's Sunday, and I usually take the dog for a walk in the evening and sit in the playground for a while, usually an hour before sunset.  In the past months I have noticed, there are more young children, and from a number of nationalities. It's like a junior UN.

I enjoy this moment when I have it.

It's quite something to watch them interact. They may be strangers initially for about three minutes, but soon they are bosom buddies, screaming, yelling playing catch or hide and seek and chasing each other all over the park. They play together, falling in so easily,  no matter the age difference or skin colour or their accents; the more the merrier. Unspoken rules yet they understand the child's world of play.

As I sit there listening, I find myself undisturbed and sooth; there is a sweetness in the voices, a freedom, ..not a care.I'm lulled into this nether world of innocence for a little while as I rest on a park bench amid plants and trees, lulled by voices like gentle chimes.

I wonder, is this  an example of what Ericc Fromm tried to describe as the 'Shabbat institution' ( a Sunday rest).."rest in the sense of the re-establishment of complete harmony between human beings and between them and nature."