Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts

Nov 22, 2013


These few weeks have been rather tumultuous. That's a good word to describe what's been going on in the family, among ourselves.

It seems my ex, the kids' father is somehow still standing in our midst and creating TROUBLE.

On the alternate weekends when they are with him, I get that he has not moved on and still curses me and complains and so on. The comments I hear from the kids when they are home with me tell me as much.

I'm trying to leave it (him, pain) behind and not talk about it nor do I wish to dredge up bad memories to remind the kids. But then I think, are they forgetting everything they've been through. Isn't that good ?

Let it be, let him do his best to prejudice the kids against me, let him weave his stories. I am tired of this.

Aug 10, 2013

Teenage angst

How long does this phase last ?  The rule books are out on this.

My youngest is entering the teen phase soon, although I think he's there already...

My oldest is out of the teen zone but still very much in the phase of hormones... or it could a girl thing.

I honestly cannot recall going through this phase with that much upheaval where my parents were concerned. I think it was within me, betweee me and myself and among school mates mostly but it wasn't too rocky a period, quite uneventful I think... or did I have it too much under control. Hmmm ???

The good thing is, they are talking to me; I won't always call it a conversation all the time, it could be one way (either way) too.

They get angry, so do I (I am allowed aren't I...I think the rule books says so ) but I keep it going when they think it's the end of the world, like there was no explosion,  and sometimes I behave like there was no battle and they can be baffled by this but I think they are getting used to the idea.  There are moments when they weigh it by, that the battle between us was stronger just by the length of my silence.

I will survive !


Jul 11, 2013

Self pity

Self's easy to fall into this hole,
they are fairly common along the road
we walk every day.
It comes from holding on to the past.
Let go.
Unfortunately those around us 
don't always let us forget
and moments, words in exchange
force us to remember bitter thoughts.
and then we fall.

Jul 5, 2013

Perfect Family

Is there a perfect family anywhere ?. My opinion. I don't think so.
Does it matter ?  Ultimately it's what we decide to do, how we choose to judge or react to each person and we live with that choice to either love, hate or maintain relationships for family sake.
I suppose this is the cycle of life, the drama of life and so on BUT Life goes on.

I wrote about My Mother sometime ago.  Recently I have been dredging up old memories, which I know I should just drop. My mother has been acting out (literally acting petulant) because of grief and loss and getting me worked up.

A close relative passed away and bad family history (little dramas and sagas) gets dug up. Grief performs some amazing tricks with the mind.

How does a younger person offer advise to an elderly on forgiveness and letting go and moving forward ?

Not that I ever believed I had a perfect family, history and all, I just never heard much about it. At the same time I am hearing about lots of new historical drama that has passed within my own and the different extended families. Arranged marriages that were forced to work and typical IN-LAW horror stories (not a myth !!)... this is the gist of history of my past generation.

My history ( if it be told by my children) ironically while imperfect too is made up of none of these.

Sep 14, 2012

Settling in for a while

It's been about 2 weeks since we moved into the rental. The first 3 days were tiring, and only about half the boxes are unpacked. I can't imagine what the final move brings or means. Whatever does not need to be opened is stored away, mostly books and half the toys, kitchen crockery, decorative items and my craft stuff. I'm hoping to clear out more stuff before we finally move.  I decided to throw out smaller fitting clothes(keeping them a while now) thinking that if I managed to loose some weight I'd be only too happy to spend on new clothes.

There's a different feeling definitely, liberated .. no paranoia except close to the ex 's weekends and when he phones the kids. Otherwise I'm trying get the kids back to whatever is normal school and play. The kids feel it, a difference for the better but the alternate weekend stays with the ex is something we are all getting accustomed to in our own way.

It'll be a testing month too for the ex as he tries to manipulate and push the boundaries of his time with the kids. There's been a couple of incidents already and I am trying to figure out the best way to deal with it.

I'm trying to spend some time with the kids to do normal rather than non-moving stuff.
I'll be busy still as I have begun the renovation prep for the apartment and getting into fixtures, bathroom fittings, tiles, lights, colours and so on, trying to decipher new things and electronic appliances.

There's tonnes to do and so little time. But I am excited to take this next step of my journey


Jul 1, 2011

I already have Love

Who are you who visits me
who are you who see
this unfolding story of mine
and all else between the lines.
Support flows
for my woes,
grateful always for family,
love given unconditionally

Soon this drama will end
so we can heal and mend
I yearn for life to resume,
weary of fear and gloom
Looking forward to days that are lighter
to experience, I hope, more laughter

Looking up above,
I remember,
I already have love

There’ll be a new neighbourhood
beyond the horizon, it will be good
Because all who matter will be
behind me and with me
Family still surrounds
Remember, Love still abounds

(HA 7/2011)

Jun 11, 2011

Nine months down the road.... and counting.

It has been nine months since this legal process was started.

But it has been on hindsight, more than 6 years that we have been separated for. I stuck with it to make it work based on HOPE and CHANGE and a whole heap of forgiveness on top of forgiveness.

I've learnt a lot about myself from the perspective of my lawyer who essentially knows everything I have endured, allowed myself to and survived by now.

I prayed for relief and this is the path I  have been led through and will soon see the light at the end. 

I am stronger,  relieved yet not totally.  The children are my foremost concern and yet I  am advised constantly to be happy already and remember the children have a choice. While the children will be in my care, they will still have to endure time with him as is his entitlement. They are less afraid when they are outside in public with him than when they are in the home with him.
Tension still exists because they are uncertain if his supposed reformation is pretense or true from henceforth. How truly relaxed are they, in his presence now. Is it genuine or are they pretending too

Intimidated in my own house
It's like I have few rights of my own and do not have total control over my life, having to constantly look over my shoulders. I mentioned this earlier that I can't chase him out of the house until ancillaries are settled.  And so he has purposely ensconced himself in the house in the last few months after disappearing for most of last couple of years.

To me it's like having a snake in the house. He's been taking pictures of rundown furniture and worn items. To what end? My lawyer says don't bother. But I am bothered. I plan to move out, why spend unnecessarily?  He has taken sudden intensive interest in the studies of the kids.  In his crooked mind, I believe he plans to use them to show that I am not looking after the house properly, that he can do a better job.

I need to apply assertiveness training here for myself.

I have let my lawyer focus on the material and factual arguments that in her experience is what the judge will look at foremost.   It's the facts that matter and influence.

However I am unsure still. What does a judge look for, how do they look at all this 'I say' and 'you say' stuff.  How much gets taken into account of the character that we each portray.

The X has focused on the material and the physical, made lots of claims without proof.  My concern has been on the emotional and psychological well-being of the kids. I have been researching on similar situations and outcomes for impact and reactions but not much exists as my circumstance arising from of my X's personality (narcissistic and abusive) seems unique.

I have yet to come across anyone with an experience quite like mine, I'm sure there are, and I hope they not only survived but came out better for it.

Dec 31, 2010


Need a Break!
Half a family, that’s what it feels like.

If I had to give a point of view, I would discourage mixed marriages (religion wise) for this as one reason. My ex is not a Catholic.

This season, as I made my rounds with immediate family, what I realized is missing and have always missed is that extended family fellowship which my brother and sister enjoy with their in laws who are all Catholics. This Christmas it seemed to have hit me hardest probably because of the circumstances. We are like half a family.

It’s not just religion, but the fact is the in laws have been missing from the picture since the beginning of time. This is due to the nature of the relationship already existing prior to my entrance onto that different planet of my ex’s existence. Which goes to show you, when one is young the sign posts of life can glare you in the face and yet they are invisible.

It should not matter, but sometimes it feels too quiet and I crave that noise of family around me. Silence leaves a lot of room for pondering and wondering and I prefer to avoid that these days.

I’m not sure why I feel depressed, is it hormones or is it that the family’s not around for the New Year’s eve countdown, they have in-laws to be busy with, it’s just me and the kids. And the kids enjoy their cousins who will be busy elsewhere.
And I 'm really thinking, 'how inconsiderate of them, they forgot us, forgot me'... ..ok.. enough of that already move on.  Blame it on circumstances, I'm moody..... ....

think positive..... I’m dragging the kids out of the house tonight, there’s fireworks somewhere at some street party, we’ll go catch that at least, create our own fun (see if I remember how to dance ..) and have our own New Year’s celebration.

A Happy 2011 to all, God grant us peace and his gentle love in the New year.

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