How do we shake thoughts we don't want to have ? Temptation thrives on the weaknesses that we have and adds fuel to these thoughts and they just persist. Lately old bad memories of the earlier years have been invading my thoughts and they are sadly (and ironically) triggered by happy recall of memories among the family members. Why can't I get over them ?
I keep reminding myself, no one owes us a living, it's up to us to live our lives and make what is needed of it.
Yet because of the season, probably because I keep dwelling on what is to come and what is yet to be settled, I feel a little hollow and alone.
I'm trying to ignore it and put it aside; to keep a positive face for the kids. It is tiring. Envy and self-pity seem to be rearing their heads and I feel like withdrawing from happy company. I am very conscious of them but the thoughts seem to be digging their heels in deeper. I pray and perhaps it is not enough. Daily tasks take their toll and I am feeling drained. Keeping busy is the solution, but that takes energy too.
Kids:
My daughter has been acting up lately - a teenager I expected to have the least issues with. It's an old argument 'we can't always have what we want' . She has much more than most and yet it's not enough. Why because she forgets everything else that she has when focusing on the something that she wants and cannot get. Why do they always dwell on what they have not rather than what they have.
She forgets there will be more expenses to come when she moves on to the next stage of higher learning.
I keep thinking, she is lucky, I am not my mother. But I will not over-compensate either.
The two boys well they are their usual selves. It's like they take turns (I should be grateful) to act up.
Count your blessings.
Children go through different phases growing up and we have to approach those situations in a positive manner.
ReplyDeleteCheers!
Those seas can really get rough at times. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteHi.. I was just like this.. in fact much much worse.. contemplating suicide which I could not do coz of two dependent kids.. that hellish place.. of despair, of depression of anger of unbearable pain.. when all seemed lost.. useless.. Only one hand was there to lift me up.. only one voice to comfort me.. I found safety and shelter in the wonderful arms of my Lord Jesus...Oh my sweet Saviour, my wonderful Comforter, my most dependable friend .. He showed me that He loved me more than I could ever fathom... All I had to do was simply seek Him.. all I did was cry out to Him to open my eyes to see Him, to open my heart to receive Him.. today I am so blessed.. having found the peace that only Jesus can give.. Be blessed Sister.. call upon His holy name to reveal himself to you in a personal way.. He is waiting to bless and heal you too..
ReplyDeletehappy new year...I hope it`s the absolute best for you..My oldest is 14..almost 15 and sometimes I do hear that tone in her voice so I ask her if another zit popped out..She cracks up laughing and then she`s good for a bit longer....Take gentle care okay.
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