Is it right to look to your child (who has not reached twenty) for emotional support even if you think he or she is capable of it ?
Is it right to make him/her feel obligated in that role at so early an age.
How much responsibility is too much for a child? Is it maturity or a child’s ‘over-sense’ to take care of mum. She says ‘I should’ not ‘I want’.
What does it strangle in childhood development?
Does she hold back her emotions because of this role? (I suppose she does if she decided to open up to me, I meet them irregularly 2-3 mths once.)
Are they afraid to upset mom?
My friend has always interacted with her children in a ‘whiny’ sort of way, in a adult to adult manner and not so much as child and mother, they always do things together, she always gets the older girl to help her do things, is how I would describe it, ….is my friend clingy .. I’m not there to observe all that .
I broached the subject with my friend as delicately as a friend can, but she sort of brushed it aside ‘don’t worry, my child tells me everything’.
Does she?
I will stay in touch with the older girl and let her mum use my ears more.
It set me thinking of course, do I lean on my child’s shoulder ? I don’t think we should do that, do you ?
Do any of my kids think that ?
Having been a single mom for many years (I'm grateful that God blessed me with another chance at love and now I'm married),I've given this topic lots of thought. Single, or married, it would be easy to look to one's children (I appreciate your clarification that we're talking about those under age 20)for emotional support. But it's not healthy. Kids need to be kids. It's up to us as parents to form healthy relationships in our lives where we can get our needs met. We meet our kids needs, not the other way around. We're the adults.
ReplyDeleteHi Tracy, I agree it's not healthy. In this instance I don't think my friend realizes what she is doing.
ReplyDeleteI'll have to try other ways to make the mum see or get her daughter to talk to her about it.
Thank you
I don't think it's healthy either. I think it upsets a child's view of the world and that's not fair. They need to feel free. You have a great heart to want to be an ear for your friend to take some of the burden off the dgt.
ReplyDeleteI think it all depends on the child and on the circumstances. My oldest, Lizzie, was four years old than the others. With three younger siblings, two of whom were handicapped, and one of whom clinically died periodically, Lizzie did have to step in and help more than most children would have to do. She was even trained at the age of 9 in CPR so that she could save her brother's life if I happened to be in the bathroom or shower and her father not home when he stopped breathing. Ironically, it was her 3-year-old brother, Shane, who stepped in and cleaned out his younger brother's trach tube when Lizzie was at school, my husband at work, and I stretched out on the floor with a broken back waiting for an ambulance. Healthy or not, that need for each other, regardless of age, bonded our family -- in cement and blood. They are all happy adults, and they all remember their childhood pleasantly. (Lord knows why!)
ReplyDeleteBTW, I want to let you and other followers know that my Blest Atheist blogspot went down. I replaced it with 100th Lamb (www.emahlou.blogspot.com). I explain why there.
Just passing bu to say hello and hope you have a great day!
ReplyDeleteHugs,
B xx