To subsist, to exist or to live life as much as is possible ? (I'm reposting this because it echoes my recent post and reminds me that I must keep moving from the path, I have done it before and should keep it in mind not to fall into pattern)
Do I decide or do I let it choose me?
It's about putting as much into it and getting the best out of it. And it appears so, I have done more than my fair share. And while I keep thinking, isn't that what marriage is? You give it your all.
So now it's time to take it back. Does it work that way?
I can make ends meet. I'm advised, it's not about greed. It's about satisfaction and demanding your all that you are entitled to.
She makes a good case for me and reminds me 'very diplomatically' that I'm being a shmuck by giving in and thinking that I should settle for less.
It's time to assert.OK. So I'm following her advise and I'm thinking, why do I keep falling back on this pattern.
I have to stop this, I have to stop serving myself short.
I've learnt a few things,
- Motherhood has it's price and it's compensations and there's no haggling.
- hope and trust can be a weakness each, combined it puts you in a coma.
- courage is something you work at but fear is something that sleeps in you always.
- and that being nice does not get you a good night's sleep.
If life is about balance how are we ever going to find it, if we don't know where the middle is.
(reposting June15 2011)
