Showing posts with label Rant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Rant. Show all posts

Aug 25, 2011

That time of the month...

This is a post that only women CAN understand.  I haven't hit 50 yet,  I keep thinking that instead of getting better during THAT time of the month, it feels worse. .. hormones !!!!
Today this is how I feel, my body feels like it has aged 20years or more and my eyes feel like my brain is squishing down on it and my joints feel stiff and sore (like I'm 90 though I have no idea how a 70 year old feels either).  It's like overnight,  someone took my body and replaced it with some old cranked up worn down body.  That SUMS IT UP.

But thankfully usually and HOPEFULLY, it's over within a couple of days, but it's horrible when you can't take off and you have to sit in the office and work and smile like everything is normal, FINE and DANDY.

The primrose isn't helping.!

Jun 26, 2011

Rant -the system sucks but perhaps not totally!

When I began writing this post a few days ago, I had titled it 'the system sucks'. But today I'm changing it  because it may not be, totally.
Sometime back when I let on of what I went through with the family services system, I said it sucked when it comes to dealing with abuse of the non-black and blue kind. That's what it means,  the only way you get your problem addressed is only when one gets beaten and has broken bones and bruises to show for it.
Well it almost appears the same in the process of a divorce where the husband is a narcissistic control freak, and you are not allowed to restrict him from the house or the kids until all issues are settled . And unless there is some form of physical violence, I can't do anything.

It seems like while in the process of divorce and property issue is still not settled, the EX can still sit in the house and intimidate and cause mischief. And he has begun his games. He has an alternate place to stay which was where he spent the better part of the last two years, before plotting his divorce plan. 8 months after that he moves back into the house to boost his claims position.

And so after the sneaking around the house, 'interviewing' the kids and looking for faults to bolster his affidavit, he now moves to the next phase while we wait for a Court date.
Can he claim his personal property is damaged or stolen.  Where do I draw the line?  The problem is there is lots of spaces in the house I cannot lock because the house, cupboards, doors just were made that way. How do I stop him from coming into my space ? Is there such a thing as personal property in the house or personal space. Is it that easy for him to use the system to his own end. He's trying his damdest to cause embarrassment. And now he wants to drag the kids into his crap pot.

The police explain they will conduct a fair investigation but at the same time after understanding the full scenario of the situation (that we are divorced and his is a hostile presence in the house), there are  complications due to the issue of defining personal property in the present situation and secondly is there a basis for accusation as the property in question may or may not be family property and furthermore was left in a family used space.  I left them to form their own conclusion when I informed them that he had lodged this report in time to be used in his last affidavit, that was why I was aware of it.
So the police are not totally clueless and they were not taking his word totally, hence my 'perhaps not totally'.

In answer to my question, there is no such thing as his private space in the house.
My fear is that that this gives him a license to create more trouble. And I was assured some, that if this were the case, he would be taken to task for attempting to abuse the system. What of the stuff he seemingly bought for the kids (entertainment console) is that his or the kids?

I want him to get out of the house and take his 'personal property' with him to avoid such problems.
I have been asking the question 'what are my rights in the house' and have not been able to get a straight answer.  We are divorced officially and yet I can't kick him out of the house because the house is considered matrimonial property.
I know exactly how that feels !

Feels like I'm going around in circles, loosing hair and sleep. I believe it's his tactic of wearing me down.
Sometimes I think to hell with it and him, stop getting defensive and letting him yank my chain. But I can't seem to stick to that programme. I am getting the hang of it but I can do better.
Gonna have to grit my teeth and bear it until it is settled legally and PRAY to God that he doesn't get away with or cause more mischief.

I had attempted to lock my room door once, earlier this year after he started threatening my housekeeper (she refused to spy for him) but could not legally stop him why because he still has clothes in the room. I supposes my lawyer was not as alert to this fact but what it means is I should have made an issue of his stuff then when the divorce was official a few months ago.

The police cannot do anything until he assaults me. If life were so simple.

Aug 25, 2010

What is my vocation, am I done ?

Viktor Frankl wrote that  "One should not search for an abstract meaning of life. Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life to carry out a concrete assignment which demands fulfillment. Therein he cannot be replaced nor can his life be repeated." . We each have a unique responsibility to our own life ?.

Do you know yours?

So then I ask, is this my vocation, is this my meaning .. to live this way, to find my way in this strange life of conflict, to lead my kids out of it?

lament ...... life is not fair.. why do some people have it so easy.. .. I am to be consoled then with the answer at the end of the parable of the prodigal son ?

Dec 8, 2009

Ranting- moody, meloncholy, angry., frustrated..

WARNING: reading this post could seriously depress you.

Jealousy, envy lately ....  I have been thinking and comparing my life with others who just seem luckier, happier,  and much more comfortable with not a care in the world.
Generally feeling sorry for myself!.
Why me?
Trouble is just there hovering above, ahead, behind..

It's would be so easy to give it all up, run away. Have thought about dying. What if I had pretended that this was normal and let it be and just wait for the kids to grow up. What if I not rocked the boat.

But I could not - I have a responsibility to the children, they would suffer; don't I have a responsibility to my folks too?.  But they seem to be doing more of the looking out for me than the reverse.

I am tired of living with a sociopath.  I'm not being objective right now,  I know that, I'm looking at the jungle as a whole - a big mess.  I'll break it down once I've blown off steam.
There is a solution and yet not a solution, there are consequences and yet it will be better once I get over the next mountain. I believe that right now I am looking at the mountain.

Dear St Jude I'm still waiting for our peace of mind.

God does not give us more than we can handle, I hope that is seriously true......

Oct 12, 2009


Not too long ago, Jeff  discussed an incident on racism in his blog. Another subject not too far from this yet often overlooked and glossed over is stereotyping. I need to rant a bit, we're approaching festivals - we just passed one for the Muslims and are approaching another for the Hindus and sweeping remarks made by the ignorant and careless, just get on my nerves now and again .

I live in a society that is made up of many different races, each one quite diverse yet we're quite integrated - Indians, Malays, Chinese, sub-divide that with religion. While this nation's 'civilization' has come a long, long way, and in this age of internet and TV,  there are still pre-conceived notions running in the heads of the so called 'better' educated locals of their long-residing counterparts.

Here are some typical remarks:
- she is very fair for an Indian
- she looks like Chinese but she's actually Malay
- he's Indian but he's Catholic
- she's Chinese but she married an Indian
- he's Indian but his wife is Chinese
- her hair is so straight for an Indian
- she's quite dark for a Chinese
- she's Indian but she knows how to eat Chinese food.
- he's quite good looking for an Indian
- he's Muslim but he is not fasting
- she has an English name but she is Indian
- she's Chinese but she's got nice eye lashes...
.. it goes on..
Mild but it grates. Can you hear it,  the condescension, ignorance, underlying prejudice, presumption and imposition...the word 'but' is like that chalk piece screeching against the blackboard.
Why can't people make observations without suppositions?

The ignorance is amazing, the incapacity to learn anything (or absorbing anything) about your neighbour for 30 years of living next to them, the ease of assuming is baffling.
More often than not my sarcastic response is wasted on these persons, and when you point out the error in their thinking, they justify themselves based on   'most of the time', 'usually like ', 'they always' ...  when really they don't know.
These are not about norms of yesteryears, it's about being aware, being more exposed and asking questions.  Is it shocking that narrow mindedness still exists ?

Aug 18, 2009

Change - When will it happen?

I'm tired of waiting, tired of the wariness
I'm tired of hoping. I'm tired for the kids.
Just so tired.
Like a virus it hovers in the air, around us, just buzzing.
So immature, he will not change.
So many things to undo, to improve,
to remedy and heal, to repair.
I don't know the speed of progress or the destination.
Will it be better or worse?
Is this the right path? Will it help?
Am I too late? Is it the right time?
Is this 'chance' a waste of time?
When can I begin?

I'm just stressed and rambling.

Don't doubt. Be strong. Stay the course

Aug 17, 2009

Education System

Some of you know or may have heard about our education system. Requires lots of discipline and is stressful on both parents and child. And this is compounded by the ‘kiasu’ syndrome – everyone sends their kids for additional tuition (those who can’t afford it send them to the various community support groups) .

Locals with kids have migrated because of it, but there are foreigners sending their kids here for it. When I speak to my cousins in Australia, schooling seems like such a breeze for the kids.

There are pros and cons to the system. Leaders at the top are attempting to change it to suit a changing world and supposedly reduce the stress. But I’m not sure if it’s the changing world they should be adapting to or the changing child who is still local. Less rote more creativity, I think that’s the current aim.

Bear in mind that while local parenting styles have changed, to what degree is it widespread, to what degree has it evolved? There is an openness and exchange; kids are exposed to more worldly entertainment and information. But our society mix is pretty diverse. Yes there is a large middle class. Soon there will be a large emigrant class too. Is the child prepared for the new style in school or is it imposed on them because it is assumed they have been exposed to think differently in the home?

The current system appears to be an attempt to have their cake and eat it. The old system had its merits, apparent through some international competitions. It's still a pressure cooker.
There appears to be more information in the syllabus and along with that learning, the child must be able to think application. Previous system adhered to steps, but the current system appears to skip rudiment steps (specific rudiment teaching is missing or has that been classified as rote) and mesh them into the next step (application). Problem sums are so enhanced in the delivery that even adults need to read it more than once. Is it hurried along to meet the additional requirements of the syllabus within the school year. Add to that, let’s not forget between institutions too, there is the ranking system and within schools there is performance pressure. Who’s stressed – everybody.

I started out wanting to talk about keeping my patience while helping my son with his maths homework and in the end I deviated. The reason for holding on to my patience is because the teaching method had not segregated the basic properties(angles on parallel lines) for my son, to learn first and understand. Instead he had gone directly into problem solving and those ‘properties’ are submerged and not apparent to him. I kept asking what are the properties he learnt and he looked at me as if I spoke an alien lingo. This is only one example where basics seem to have been skipped and merged into step 2.
I‘m sure you local parents have similar horror stories about problem sums, but I shall not get into it further.

Aug 14, 2009

I need a break, but from what ?

I dont't know, and yet I know (u know what I mean??)
Lately I have been preoccupied with talk of the four seasons. Started from my earlier post, 'It must be wonderful', must be to do with a restlessness for change of scenery...and moving my thoughts away from my never-ending to-do-list.
We have but the monsoons, - sun and rain, let's not forget the moon.

Have been looking at photos, some of the blogs with beautiful pix and paintings by artists of old.
So serene, calm, colourful or just white. Some paintings look like the artist had a special secret when he or she painted the scene.
Is there art(not the photographic type) on typhoons or hurricanes?
Devastation we know, we hear, perhaps we do not want to or need to see.

Perhaps I just need a break.
The month of August is an eventful month, that's probably it, like getting older (ughh!)

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