To what purpose ?

Yesterday I read about Wanda who lost her son and I wandered what is God's purpose for those who knew Chris and loved him.

I posted this prayer button a while back. A young lady I knew learnt that the child she was carrying had  Edwards Syndrome. She was too far into term when discovered, they were confused and sad but continued on, prepared for his coming. What could the rest of us do but pray for the best, the infant, their strength and God's will.

Today, I attended the wake of this child, he was named Jeremiah, 8 months in his mother's care, a tiny life that never saw the light of day but will see the light of heaven. I never knew this little life and yet I feel extreme sorrow for his struggle to survive with this disease.

As his father says very calmly,  for the living, it is a test of faith.

A temporary soul.

I was Tagged, now you are Tagged..

I was tagged by Farila http://chaptersfrommylife.blogspot.com/, so here goes...

Shows I like to watch

rarely when I do get the time to plonk down in front of the set it would be for ..

- The Mentalist

- CSI

(the following are not listed in any order or preference)

8 things I look forward to

- the next coming holidays (in Feb)

- finishing my semester's assignment
- the moment the kids tell me they have finished all their homework.
- singing in Church
- taking walks on the weekends
- the next novel
- quiet time before bed
- upgrading my pc at the office (before I loose all my emails AGAIN)

8 things that happened yesterday (of course this was a few yesterdays ago)
- the flu came to visit me
- my son spilled his drink onto the floor(dropped the cup and all)
- the computer in the office hung on me
- it rained cats and dogs
- I finished reading my daughter's book 'Twilight'

- my MP3 ran out of juice in the middle of Celine's 'I'm Alive' (a sign?)

- I threw away a container of biscuits that had grown mouldy
- the road in front of my house got a new black coat of tar on one half.

8 things I love about winter
- it's certainly more interesting than the monsoon rain
- the landscape would be perfectly white
- I would get to wear winter furry clothing, boots and gloves

- COLD

- I imagine a cozy fireplace with a fire going
- snowball fights
- sleigh rides or sliding on cartboxes
- watching snowflakes fall outside your window

8 things on my wish list
- my kids will turn out well and do well in the future

- that there's enough food for everyone in the world

- a car
- the kids will leave me at least one chocolate mini-bar and not just the empty packet
- I will age gracefully
- a cure for all the terrible diseases
- my home loan would be paid off today
- I get a pay rise soon

8 things I am passionate about

- reading

- my kids

- chocolate

- my hobby craft

- speaking properly

- learning

- punctuality

- deepening my understanding of God

8 phrases I use often
- oh goodness
- well that's super
- 'wait til I win the lottery'
- crap!
- what goes around comes around
- tomorrow never comes
- who says life is fair..
- don't procrastinate


8 things I have learned from the past (not copied from anywhere.. genuinely learnt lessons )
- It's best to rely on yourself and no one else
- Keep up with your friends, don't expect them to always keep up with you.
- Your boss is not your friend, don't ever get taken in.

- You have to make an effort to reach out because people don't always read you correctly.

- My parents are not perfect, they are human and they are products of their time.

- Give freely because you want to, not because you expect to get back the same in return,  that way you are never disappointed.

- If you have no regard or respect for a certain person, then how he/she thinks or what they say of you should be of no consequence, their words would merely be noise in the wind and should not bother you in the least.

- You cannot please everyone. Ask yourself who is most important.

8 places I want to visit

- Rome

- London

- Turkey

- Scotland

- India

- Israel

- France

- Switzerland

8 things I want/ need

- love

- hugs

- more 'me' time

- a car

- more time to get things done(like 6 more hours a day)

- I'd really like to have a peaceful night's rest

- a clone of me to stay home with the kids

- peace of mind

8 bloggers I would like to tag

Gaia http://journeyofasinglemum.blogspot.com/

Tracy http://abundantliving-tracy.blogspot.com/

Amy http://mamaswithdrama.blogspot.com/

JBR http://justbereal77.blogspot.com/

Stephanie http://stephaniebaffone.blogspot.com/

Sarah http://cultofdeception.blogspot.com/

Kathleen http://kathleenannemartin.blogspot.com/

Sandra http://reallifeinaminute.blogspot.com/

(oh and don't forget to alert your Tagee !!)

I hope you have as much fun as I had digging these out of myself.!

Random thoughts from stories of old England

I have a thing for old English novels, stories, movies revolving around old England especially late 18th and early 19th Century.  There's something fresh and innocent in the way that young ladies and children are characterized, portrayed in the old English countryside and the way conversations are created.  And romance ah, well, they don't make them like they use too. (lol).
I could not appreciate the novels until my late 20s, when the unfolding of the story becomes less compelling than the imagery, beautiful descriptions, the formal and the flowery language.

And sometimes wisdom comes through in the most unexpected moments.
In this book I am currently reading by Isak Dinesan (Karen Blixen) 'The Angelic Avengers' one of the young ladies(Zosine) says this to her friend(Lucan) who claims she has no imagination and therefore would not experience adventure.
"But perhaps that is just the way of the world .. and destiny will lose her interest in those people who are themselves capable of inventing things. She will leave them to have things happen to them within their own imagination. But with you she will take trouble to contrive the most extraordinary events."

It sounds like - take charge of your life or she(Destiny) will do it for you.
Now that is an interesting thought, a scary thought .. what is destiny's definition of 'extraordinary events' I wonder.

Here's another interesting prose about being Loved  .." The beauty of nature, music, poetry and art are all inextricably bound up with the idea of love. The woman who has denied love, she had then dimly guessed, will no longer dare to learn a poem by heart, to listen to a song, to pick the wild flowers of the woods, or the roses of her garden. Now, in pain and ecstasy, she knew for certain that the magic kingdom of beauty, sweetness and poetry in this world is open to the lovers as to its lawful heirs.".....  
If that is true, at least we do come out of it with more.

Telling My Story

This is my journal

about my unique little life.

It gets quite personal

because it's about my strife.

It is alright, that you know

I am not unlike you,

but I have my own woes,

and my path winds too.

It is my desire to share,

a story that unfolds gradually,

so you know not all life is fair,

and might appreciate greatly

that which you now have,

is truly special from above.

Always, it comes full circle,

seasons of calm then storms unfurl.

A sweet memory, an unforeseen smile

I may bring you for your musing,

melancholy to dissipate not to pile,

then return once more to the beginning.

There are times when I digress

into God or faith and pray,

exploring ways out of unrest,

seeking which is the way.

If you do hear,  lift my heart with a comment

for I am always uncertain.

But only if you can comprehend

then my soul shall be less burdened.

(HA)

Seeking Wisdom which brings Contentment....

The answer seems to be 'carry on with life, it's not my time to do anything yet'.

Seeking a miracle solution from The Book, there is none. They are work-at-it solutions.
There is hope for contentment in this life, without waiting for it in death. It appears that what we constantly seek can be gotten quite easily,  the incentives are wonderful and yet so very difficult in the doing.
Does contentment lead to acceptance or does acceptance lead to contentment?
Does this call for blind faith, to believe I am treading on the right path?  
How do I lay aside my own perception to trust Him 'wholeheartedly'. Do I stop thinking altogether each time I make a choice or decision.?
Not so easy to do - to think of Him in all things we do.

"Trust wholeheartedly in God

put no faith in your own perception;

acknowledge him in every course you take

and he will see that your paths are smooth."

And once we discover wisdom, it will

 ... "all lead to contentment.

... give life to your soul

and beauty to your neck.

You will go on your way in safety,

your feet will not stumble..

... you will not be afraid

.. sleep will be sweet"       
(Prv 3:5-6,17 22-24)..

Being Positive is Not the same as not being Negative

I dislike wet blankets. I try not to be one myself but I suppose I can't avoid being caught in the rain like everyone else........

 
The effect of being positive is not the same as not having negative thoughts.

I have come to a point of awareness where I am able to pull myself back from the brink of bleak moods, to minimise negative thoughts. I essentially 'talk' myself out of it or remind myself 'for the sake of the kids'. 

But putting positive thoughts into motion is more difficult.

Being positive, feels like putting yourself into gear for forward momentum, an anticipation that should lead you to greater engagement.

Preventing or putting off negative thoughts feels more like putting the gears into neutral, holding back but not quite daring to take a different step.

Anyway, being totally composed all the time is impossible, I think we need moments to allow ourself to cry or scream.

I did that on Sunday, it felt good.

Lost in thought - just a date?

I don't have all my answers yet.
This month is the month of my wedding anniversary. I don't think much of it because as far as I am concerned the marriage has been over over for a few years now(perhaps longer if I want to analyse it) and yet.
What am I, neither divorced or married in the sense of the word just very definitely a single mother.
In church when the blessing was given to all who were celebrating their anniversary this month, I did not stand up. While the priest gave his blessing, I felt like crying.  Should I have stood up?  What would I be celebrating?  What does God say ?  I got no answer.

I can't not think of it because I am reminded by my family.  They are merely thinking of it in the usual way. I try not to think of it because I don't know what to think of it.

What does it really represent? 

A commitment that created three little lives, three new hearts and minds with their own expressions and experiences.

I suppose like many things, I need to come to terms with it, rationalise what to do with this date, because it will come again each year until  it no longer means anything to anyone. 

Instead of 'anniversary', I could call it something else.

Why should I celebrate it or remember it ? 

It's more than just a date.. it's the reason for my three little hearts.