To subsist, to exist or to live life as much as is possible ? (I'm reposting this because it echoes my recent post and reminds me that I must keep moving from the path, I have done it before and should keep it in mind not to fall into pattern)
Do I decide or do I let it choose me?
It's about putting as much into it and getting the best out of it. And it appears so, I have done more than my fair share. And while I keep thinking, isn't that what marriage is? You give it your all.
So now it's time to take it back. Does it work that way?
I can make ends meet. I'm advised, it's not about greed. It's about satisfaction and demanding your all that you are entitled to.
She makes a good case for me and reminds me 'very diplomatically' that I'm being a shmuck by giving in and thinking that I should settle for less.
It's time to assert.OK. So I'm following her advise and I'm thinking, why do I keep falling back on this pattern.
I have to stop this, I have to stop serving myself short.
I've learnt a few things,
- Motherhood has it's price and it's compensations and there's no haggling.
- hope and trust can be a weakness each, combined it puts you in a coma.
- courage is something you work at but fear is something that sleeps in you always.
- and that being nice does not get you a good night's sleep.
If life is about balance how are we ever going to find it, if we don't know where the middle is.
(reposting June15 2011)
Sending you strength and love sweetie. Be strong!
ReplyDelete.I too am sending you strength and faith. YOur words sound so familiar b/c I've felt them too. Stay strong.....and safe.
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