Jan 17, 2010

Lost in thought - just a date?

I don't have all my answers yet.
This month is the month of my wedding anniversary. I don't think much of it because as far as I am concerned the marriage has been over over for a few years now(perhaps longer if I want to analyse it) and yet.
What am I, neither divorced or married in the sense of the word just very definitely a single mother.
In church when the blessing was given to all who were celebrating their anniversary this month, I did not stand up. While the priest gave his blessing, I felt like crying.  Should I have stood up?  What would I be celebrating?  What does God say ?  I got no answer.

I can't not think of it because I am reminded by my family.  They are merely thinking of it in the usual way. I try not to think of it because I don't know what to think of it.
What does it really represent? 

A commitment that created three little lives, three new hearts and minds with their own expressions and experiences.

I suppose like many things, I need to come to terms with it, rationalise what to do with this date, because it will come again each year until  it no longer means anything to anyone. 
Instead of 'anniversary', I could call it something else.

Why should I celebrate it or remember it ? 

It's more than just a date.. it's the reason for my three little hearts.

9 comments:

  1. Dear BM, I can relate to your feelings, thank you for your prayers and comforting words...now that I spilled the beans I feel a great yoke taken off my shoulder...I read what you have written about your anniversary...it is not the breakup that really hurts it is that sense of not belonging to that person who once meant the world to you that rapes your raw when ever bitter memories come to life coz, even if you and me deny it, the truth is that somewhere deep down inside love still burns dim in the darkness... that is eerie...I am so with you right this minute, because only those who tread through those paths know how rough the terrain is...you are indeed a brave women and a wonderful soul...you are a source of comfort to me....I have never seen you but you have become a part of my life...God bless you for that...Dear Sister in Christ I am with you in your journey...the course of the sail may be filled with lives adversities still as long as we stay afloat we can reach home...love you in prayers AO!

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  2. Dear BM I am so sorry for not responding earlier just saw your card for me on your blog site dated november 18th.....I haven't been on blogsite for a lot time now so I trust you understand...it is so inspiring and I am pepped up...I am not so good technically speaking tried my best to post em back to you but failed miserably...please accept my thankyou as token of heartfelt gratitude...Love you in Prayers A O!

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  3. Anonymous17/1/10

    You are God's child, I wish I knew what to say to ease your torment. I hope you find an answer that brings you solace.

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  4. Praying for you, sweet one. Blessings and hugs,
    andrea

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  5. As you know, I was widowed four years ago, when I was just 26 years old, and I have spent our Wedding Anniversary on my own, just reminiscing about times we had together, but I will never understand how he was taken from me so young. I don't have children, and maybe I should have, so I blame myself for that. But I have a gorgeous niece, Ellie, and she is my world! And, her Mother is having a new baby in September!
    Yes, I do feel sad, but that's just the hand of cards that I was dealt in life, so I must just make the most of them. My husband will always be with me, he was half of me. Now I'm just starting to become the whole person that I was. It's been a hard road to travel on my own, but our Wedding Anniversary is a special day, and always will be.

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  6. I woke up this morning feeling pretty lousy, don't know why. And here I am reading your post, and I just don't have words for you. I am sorry. All I know is I do know how you feel.

    Lots of hugs to you and kids and my thoughts and prayers be with you today.

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  7. What is wedding anniversary was my first response...Never been able to remember it anyway. My birthday falls 5 days after my anniversary and it is then that I realize .. Oh Shit! Anniversary has just gone by...
    My heart hurts for you BM. I don't know what words would comfort you ... I would tell you to celebrate the event because it led to the creation of three wonderful beings in your life. They are precious and so anything that is connected to them needs celebration..
    Love and hugs

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  8. I am always trying to put things into perspective but not everything falls into a place , I suppose the best is to attribute what is meaningful and drop the unpleasant and remember it that way. Thank you for your kind words.

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  9. BM, SO sorry to hear that.You are strong spirit. I agree with Farila. She said what I was ready to say.
    ((((HUGS))))xx
    Blessings

    ReplyDelete

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