Old Tree

I saw a huge old tree today

It seemed lonely and heavy.

It’s trunk so thick, it could not sway,

It just seemed melancholy.

Quite magnificent and sturdy

yet I never noticed it before.

I walk this way so regularly

But only today, did it call to me.

With the elements for best friends
it survives.
Long forgotten,
in the city, it thrives.

I shaded my eyes and looked up higher

It really was very tall.

In the sunlight, there was much flutter

Of branches and leaves in a sprawl.

It almost seems quite gay up there

Yet below is stillness and silence.

I think they have forgotten

the lifeline of their existence.

Tomorrow, I shall meet it on my way

and hope it will have a good day.

(HA - 3/2010)

Where am I now ... stuck in the Present ?

I think of this constantly, over and over about where I am, what, who am I ?

I have let the past go, I know there is no improving that.

We are moving forward some, but I find I am stuck. I feel that I can't move forward or plan.

Is there a decision to be made by me?  For whom I ask?  Is it for me or my children?

Is it right, when the rules say no,  isn't that to be the guiding principal?  I am bound by my faith.

And yet it means I am stuck in the present, hanging and waiting.

But my kids are happy; they do not have a choice to make.

Is my focus to be only on the children? Is there a me?

Tracy's post struck a chord in me, there is a difference between doing the right thing and the good thing.

If I put my life on hold, it would seem the good thing.

If I make a decision for me, it would not be the right thing. So it seems there is no right thing to do but continue to be stuck in the present until that decision is out of my hands.

But then I think, it is stuck only in one aspect, I can move on in other ways that affect my growth without upsetting the children.

But does my unhappiness affect my kids. I should not let it, should I?

That is where I am now.

Musing about Life .... again.

A couple of interesting statements I recently read and my thoughts:

" It is engagement that counts................The question of meaning of life is ... not edifying. One must immerse oneself into the river of life and let the question drift away"- Irvin D Yalom.

My encounter with several different persons in my life tells me a few things. There are 3 different categories of people :-

1) the group that is constantly whining or looking on and waiting for something to move us 

2) the group that is in the flow and moving of their own volition or 

3) that group that is in the flow but are merely being carried by it.. ..

Sitting on the banks and letting life flow by slows us down; age faster and mental faculties seem fuzzy or cluttered. This applies to both old and young alike. It can be quite depressing to live that way and be with someone like that too. It's harder to shake an elderly person out of it, but there's hope for the younger one yet. 

On the other hand when we are constantly moving with it (2nd,3rd group) we do grow. 

BUT it is only in the second group that we are really alive when we act(engage) and that is where the hard work comes in. 

But then having said that, it is good to slow down once in a while and observe the life that flows, to breathe in, take stock and refresh. Being in the first group only sometimes is alright and necessary.

The other interesting statement from Dr Yalom, "...freedom has a darker side" . Why, because we are then responsible for ourselves. 

There are times when I wish I did not have this freedom,  there just seems to be too much ground to cover and too many people involved,  I want someone else to shoulder them and lead me. And that would be being a apart of the first and third group. 

The group to be in mostly, is the second group.

Keeping in touch....

Roses are red, violets are blue,
it's been an awfully long long week and I have certainly missed all of you.


Hope to get back to my less busy routine soon and finish my rounds on my favourite blogs.....

in the meantime to share something I came across.. an interesting piece by an unknown author. It holds a wealth of meaning....

Isn't it strange, that princes and kings

And clowns that caper in sawdust rings,

And common people like you and me

Are builders for eternity?

And each is given a bag of tools,

A shapeless mass, and a book of rules;

And each must make 'ere life is flown

A stumbling block, or a stepping stone.

Tiny steps Forward

It's been a half a year since I thought change when will it Happen ?
Life seems better now, there is more noise and movement.

The childen are learning to be loud. Sometimes too much.
Some things need to be learned all over, some fears still to overcome, that's hard.
The ill wind does not blow as often.
Still I am grateful, there seems to be more calm less strain.
When once there was mostly gloom, the sun shines more.
But of course we can't have everything perfect.
There are still Inner struggles,
but of a different nature, and we will persevere.

A Day in the Life ... 'Listening' to my Kids is not easy ....

'Listening' to other people is easier done than listening to my kids.

When you listen, you don't just do it with the ears but you hear with an open mind and heart.  And our response should be one that is the result of digesting and absorbing that message. It should not be a reaction.

A lesson for me this week ......

I experienced a one-way shouting match with my teenager, while I remained calm I  realised I was reacting to her and not responding  (and this is something I don't do when I interact with others). She was obviously reacting to my response.
At the end of it, though she did recover herself soon enough to realise she was in the wrong and that made me happy.  While the 'shouting and the walking away' had reminded me of my husband's character,  the recovery was all her own.

Doing this with outsiders is easier than with the kids, I realise. I already have built in biases, expectations, presumptions and familiarity with the kids that does not lend itself to the patience needed. So by reflex my 'listening' to them becomes ineffective because my mind is already interpreting before the message is completed. As a result,  my response will not be the objective one it should be.

Ironically, the difference is because I care more.

I have to work at this.

Stand Tall

A symbol for my journey

I perceived, the sunflower

that would be the Me.

Reaching out toward the light,

standing tall, unafraid in plain sight.

But being still, I cannot always be

and so upon a butterfly did I settle

for my tracks and ramble.

I travel where I yearn to go,

leaving trails across pages

about yesterday and of tomorrow,

filling today with words and images.

Remember. Stand tall and bright

like the charming Sunflower,

be spirited like God's butterfly,

to and fro alight and ponder.

(HA - 2010)