'Listening' to other people is easier done than listening to my kids.
When you listen, you don't just do it with the ears but you hear with an open mind and heart. And our response should be one that is the result of digesting and absorbing that message. It should not be a reaction.
A lesson for me this week ......
I experienced a one-way shouting match with my teenager, while I remained calm I realised I was reacting to her and not responding
(and this is something I don't do when I interact with others). She was obviously reacting to my response.
At the end of it, though she did recover herself soon enough to realise she was in the wrong and that made me happy. While the 'shouting and the walking away' had reminded me of my husband's character, the recovery was all her own.
Doing this with outsiders is easier than with the kids, I realise. I already have built in biases, expectations, presumptions and familiarity with the kids that does not lend itself to the patience needed. So by reflex my 'listening' to them becomes ineffective because my mind is already interpreting before the message is completed. As a result, my response will not be the objective one it should be.
Ironically, the difference is because I care more.
I have to work at this.