Mixed moods

This feels like me... mixed up moods.. ..

feeling better, calmer today...

Make a list - time to unclog the pipes...

My melancholy moments are stored mostly here in my blog,
I try not to carry it with me for others to see...
or be dragged down with.
In the home, mostly there is no time for it,
the kids have their many temperamental moments.

Lately, for a while now, things have piled up I suppose, that's why.  It's more like a heavy fog than a depression that weighs down on my memory, there are things that need to be done and things that need to be corrected yet cannot be controlled.

Let's try making a list, perhaps it 'll become clearer to know what I can change and what I can't,  perhaps some things can get moving and out of the way. 

Auto mode ...

Took a break, went camping with the kids but it wasn't as relaxing as I thought it would be.  It was good exercise, my bones were aching from the aftermath but...

After some time life becomes routine again.

I want change. I keep thinking of change, a more lasting memory, a more fulfilling experience ?.

To do things slowly, more deliberately,  to think more of the doing than the getting done.

My head is full of things to do, the list never ends.

I go through each day almost robotically.

Nagging the kids seems automatic, even if it's for different antics.

Going through the motions, eating, showering, cleaning, fixing ...

I want to slow it down, change the pace,

to feel more in the here and now.

It's probably just a phase ...my last post on this was in 9/2009 routines-living-in-auto-mode.

Two at a time...

I got two lovely awards from Betty of Cut and Dry, thank you Betty they do certainly cheer up one's day and adds to the to-do list....:)

The "sunshine award" ... well just pass it on to 12 of your favourite bloggers...

The other award is the 'Versatile Blogger',  and while I got this from Betty first, I was also presented with it again from the Wanderer  a day later. Thank you.

You have to do some 'soul searching' for this one ..

 The rules for " The Versatile Blogger" award are:

1. Thank the person who gave you this award.

2.. Share 7 things about yourself.

3. Pass the award along to 15 bloggers whom you have recently discovered and who you think are fantastic!

4. Contact the bloggers you've picked and let them know about the award.

... 7 things about me

1. I can't go without a new book for more than a week.. otherwise I get withdrawal symptoms.
2. I need a chocolate fix every 3 to 4 days...otherwise I get withdrawal symptoms.
3. I absolutely love dogs in general but there's something about the Chihuahua that I don't like but I can't figure out what!
4. I can't seem to work in space that is cluttered.
5. I often wish I could play the piano or the organ.
6. I don't have 20/20 vision, I don't dare try lasik.
7. I grew up in a very non-expressive household.

Go ahead pick one or both (make your day..) and pass em on......

And here are my choices:

1. Sarah
2. Donetta
3. Locating My Life ..
4. http://abundantliving-tracy.blogspot.com/
5. http://arise2write.blogspot.com/
6. http://stephaniebaffone.blogspot.com
7. http://mamaswithdrama.blogspot.com/
8. http://justbereal77.blogspot.com/
9. Be Inspired Today by Julieanne 
10. Nevine's Dreams and Deliriums
11. Just Me 
12. Alice in Wonderland
13. Farila of Chapters From My Life 
14. Journey of A Single Mum 
15. When did I become my mom

Keep It Together

Keep it together today,

tomorrow will be better.

In suffering we grow He says,

yet I feel weak rather than mightier.

Perhaps it’s not yet the peak,

there’s a way to go.

How far does He wish to push me?

I wish I could know.

The right words are in my mind,

but little comfort do I feel from those.

Faith and hope are powerful tools,

if only I remember to keep them close.

I have their love and struggles to contend with,

my own I must lay low.

But then, at least their paths 

will surely be better than before.

(HA - 2010)

A Day in the Life..... coping yet not.!

The days seem to move by fast, the exams are over for now. Last weekend, I took the kids out after breakfast.  Crazy ! Yes, since the HEAT has been excessive.

I thought, let's get them out of the house for a while before it gets too hot (which is an understatement) and away from the Gameboys,  game consols and PC, I'm sure you get the picture. 

I also thought it would be good for me,  provided I could also have an air-conditioned suit made. A few hours wouldn't kill me, we'd be back after lunch. What I needed and what I've been needing for a while now, is some quiet.

I took them to the beach for a couple of hours, one rode a bike and the other two roller bladed and of course there was much complaining after that - skin abrasions,  this too tight and that worn out and .. muscles aching .. , . goodness I thought what are they going to be like at 30 !. 

I sat by myself in the warm shade, read some but mostly observed the beach, the water,  people and dogs around me. I got my quiet for a couple of hours, when the kids were off on their jaunt, but it was not enough;  I don't think I really sank into it..

Lately the buzz at home gets to me. Sometimes I can't seem to organise the kids. The moment I step into the house, they bombard me with narratives, instructions from school, their itinerary for the day , the next day and 'can I do this' and 'can I go to a friend's house tomorrow or can I go to the park etc etc etc. Mostly it's late, and I 'handle it' , and try to cover as much ground with them. Time seems to be my worst enemy like a stalker.  

I forget I'm in charge but go with the flow of what needs to get done. And then,  every  1 out of 2 nights, there will be two (any) who get noisy and quarrelsome among themselves,  and all I want to do is yell at them and chase them to bed.

Little things just add to the irritation - untidy desk, books not stored away, loose stationery etc.  I just deal and cope with it.  I 'm tired, I try to read to get away, ignore the buzz, but am not relaxed.

You know what they say about repressing emotions, sooner or later it will find an out.

I don't know if this situation is unique or quite common. I suppose it is time for a time-out but some action is needed as well .

The Way to Live.

It seems that everything I read , any inspiritional piece of work points in one direction. In striving TO LIVE, it must be done not for ourselves and or there must be some form of suffering;  else we will find little meaning in life or that life will find little meaning in us.


I mentioned Art E Berg's book a while back Some Miracles Take Time, well I re-read it and it still gives me goosebumps.  There's so much faith and hope in this true story I can't help thinking that the ending will change and  be a happier one.

Here's another inspiring quote that goes with this train of thought that I would like to remember and share: 

From Teddy Roosevelt:
"It's not the critic who counts, ...  The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strive valiantly, who errs and comes short again and again, because there is no effort without err and shortcoming.

Who does actually strive to do the deed, who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, spends themsleves in a worthy triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat."

Be Happy