I already have Love

Who are you who visits me

who are you who see

this unfolding story of mine

and all else between the lines.

Support flows

for my woes,

grateful always for family,

love given unconditionally

Soon this drama will end

so we can heal and mend

I yearn for life to resume,

weary of fear and gloom

Looking forward to days that are lighter

to experience, I hope, more laughter

Looking up above,

I remember,

I already have love

There’ll be a new neighbourhood

beyond the horizon, it will be good

Because all who matter will be

behind me and with me

Family still surrounds

Remember, Love still abounds

(HA 7/2011)

Paradox to live by

Admiral Jim Stockdale who survived capture in Vietnam.....


"You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever it may be.

.. the ability to retain the faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of difficulties and at the same time confronting the most brutal facts of your current reality whatever they might be, as a signature of those who create greatness, in their own lives or in leading others."

(Reiterated by Jim Collins 'Good to Great')

Give a Hug , collect a Hug today

I have been making a deliberate effort to hug my kids more often but it does not come so naturally because I was not brought up on it. Simple for many.
My folks were a traditional sort, 'me parent you child.... don't talk till you are asked something '. In fact. talking was rare then...we were not encouraged to be expressive.

Hugging is something that is relatively new to me that started in church among friends. And since then the practise has spread some but among the rest of society here it is still a rare deed.
But I am of a different generation that 'should know better',  I realise and observe this in other families too, that it is very much a two way thing.  I shall have to try harder, so that the kids will follow suit more comfortably.
I have been advised that this will reduce their tensions and stress inspite of everything that is going on, ... it is the physical contact, a warmth that helps and so I must keep remembering to do so.
You give one and you get one back.

Defending the Motherhood - plainly speaking...

In one of our studies for a project a while back we came across a lady who was a mother and wife and yet would not recommend marriage to the young or persuade them to have kids. I had talked about this in my earlier post on Family, it's a controversial subject today, arising out of a declining local population.  Most of the responses from men and women were mostly neutral and politically correct.

There was this one particular lady that stood out because she was probably the most pragmatic person in that group with her response. She did not talk about love and rewarding experiences. She used to teach until she had her first child.  She said that the young today have no patience. They have most awareness for themselves only. They have enjoyed life too much in their early age. How would they last in a partnership, how would they look after their child. I don't believe they can make that sacrifice. Especially young women.

For her own experience, she had found it a hard road but by sheer will, she made the sacrifice because it was expected and it was the right thing to do and they(husband and wife) had wanted kids. Her spouse, yes they were still married, she felt did not have to sacrifice and do as much, because they are not expected to or they did not feel the compulsion because they did not bear the child, eventhough they were his too. The responsibility was heavier on her. On hindsight, would she go through that again? No she would not. But don't mistake her " l love my children, I wouldn't turn back the clock" and her voice held a passion describing how they filled her life. She continued that many young people have had a taste of seeing the world, why would they stop themselves from more. Cost of living is high, as a couple even higher, add children in the mix and 'lifestyle is severely curtailed'. There was no bitterness in her tone that I could read.

No one argued or agreed with her. They were quite stunned by her response. She was not regretting the kids, she was regretting not having been able to live more. She also sounded like she was defending a cause. I suppose that was what it was about, young people should get married and have children for the right reasons, but by their own choosing and not because of  public campaigns and incentives.

Is it too harsh, are our youth really that materialistic. There was a lot of insight in her statements and hit home reality of thoughts of my own trials. After you take away the frills, it is in truth a vocation one must desire and be prepared to be responsible for at all costs - with sacrifice. You have to climb that mountain first, all the way to enjoy the reward at the peak.

We do lots for Love and therein lies the reward. As Mother Teresa said, that is what we will be judged on at the end - how much we love and not how many successes we scored or how much of the world we had seen.

Love - Simple & Difficult

"Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it."  Song Of Solomon 8:7.
But man can. Call me cynical,
I don't think that Love is instinctive; it's not some sentiment embedded deep in one's nature that it persists despite all else. It is a product of our upbringing and our social environment.  It is a choice made that gets buried so deep and therefore it implies it can be 'un-done',  (like water erodes the soil to expose the roots) dug away gradually until it appears near the surface and then our mind [and all it remembers] decides to love or not to love. We nurture it again or not  with reasons for that choice.
Love implies absolute acceptance - simple yet difficult, is it do-able ?

These statements from my earlier post The Choice to Make, ring true  - by M S Peck who said “The desire to love is not itself love….Love is an act of will …. Namely an intention and action. Will also implies choice. We do not have to love. We choose to love. No matter how much we may think we are loving, if we are in fact not loving, it is because we have chosen not to love and therefore not love despite our good intentions. On the other hand, whenever we do actually exert ourselves in the cause of spiritual growth, it is because we have chosen to do so. The choice to love has been made.”

If we choose it all the time and make it so, then there will be more ...as is implied by Mother Theresa who said  "I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love."   On the other hand this seems simple. 

Our Human-ess and the Human Spirit

Human nature('ego') and the human spirit are two different entities, while we blame human nature often we forget we do have a human spirit that can be stronger. It appears to be a question of motivation.

Back to M Scott Peck's book - Denial of The Soul,  I'm currently into the early chapters of part 2.
M S Peck had a story about a man who had literally become a skeleton of himself due to terminal lung cancer, for some reason he was still alive and should have been dead.  He could not eat, even when he tried to force himself. His body had wasted away, he was in anguish in more ways than one.His wife was probably the reason he would not give up. His wife was holding on to him through her strong influence and motivation about not giving up the fight, 'can beat this', it was her 'fighting spirit in conjunction with' her husbands that was keeping him alive.'

The fact was, this man's spirit was obviously stronger than his body, and his body was dying. 
The advice that Dr Peck had for the wife was to consider giving her husband the permission to let go. The advice to her husband was for him to consider 'giving up'. 
[Please bear in mind the subject of the book is Euthanasia].

Most of us are brought up to believe that it is always wrong to give up and that was what the husband thought too.  Dr Peck did not tell him it was the right thing to do but he also did say it was 'not necessarily bad to quit' and left him to think on it.
Both husband and wife prayed for more than day together and then decided to go home together.  Two days later the husband passed away peacefully. The wife thanked Dr Peck for his advice.

I had goose bumps when I read this story, that a human bond can be so powerfully binding, that the human spirit can be so awe-inspiring.

Dr Peck was not just a physician and psychiatrist but also a theologian. And that is what makes his contribution on this subject, rather more complex. He argues that while secularists don't acknowledge the 'soul' per se, they should not ignore that there is a deeper essence to us beyond the body and mind.  When Dr Peck talks about soul it is not so much in the religious sense as that of the inner being, something 'larger than the self'.

In Peck's mind, the husband had not given up but 'chosen to cooperate -to give in to God'. Time for the soul to return. This is the beginning of part 2, questions explored are, are we denying the soul, do we shorten our lives by our 'little' addictions and excesses that harm our body, are we fighting the natural order (for human or soul), should life be unnaturally and painfully prolonged or as Dr Peck  interprets, are we cooperating with God re: the longevity of life.

" We know a great deal more about the causes of physical disease than we do about the causes of physical health. " 

I'll be back with more of Peck's experiences and lessons. I don't expect there to be a conclusion or decision at the end of this book. Dr Peck wanted us to be more discerning when it came to the question of living and dying well.

Like this: ....God Is

Good and evil.........


http://groups.google.com/group/mothers-always

Football with Grandpa

On Sunday, I went walking with my two sons and grandpa came along. We walked for about half and hour and stopped by the park. The boys had brought their ball with them and so they started to play football.

What got to me was that grandpa who is in his mid-seventies decided to join them. My dad exercises regularly so I think he might be fitter than me anyway. Grandpa had moves to show his grandsons who have not had too much practise had this.
It was for that moment of time that I wished I could freeze and re-play over and over and just hold on to that feeling that wrapped around me. It was a happy playful half hour in the park, the three of them laughing and just having fun.

I have this thought(I won't say what), I think about it often.
My dad is a great person and a wonderful grandfather and I hope I have him for many more good years.

Let's Talk about Love

Here's one of my few favourite artistes .. Celine Dion singing one of my forever favourite songs for all you lovely people out there....enjoy.

The Choice to Make

Bringing up kids to be confident is hard work. I talked about my middle child earlier. Inspite of his constant pessimism and attempts to push me away, I keep telling him I love him anyway because I just do. He comes around eventually when it sinks in but also forgets soon enough. .. I just have to keep knocking at his door.

This brings to mind the line - ‘We do not have to love. We choose to love’. .. .this is a good place to share where it came from.
I spent the morning hunting for the book, there were many good examples in there, I recall about relationships and how to love. In dealing with kids, we need to consciously think and act positively to the child’s advantage in any given situation (especially in the bad) and build on the circumstance for their growth rather than react. Evaluate, look for the positive.. let the child learn...

Stephen R Covey’s book (7 Habits of Highly Effective Families) puts it very simply that the difference between us and the animals is that, we are capable of placing a ‘pause’ between stimulus and response. We are capable of pro-active behaviour because we have 4 gifts to use during the ‘pause’ to help our response to another human being; these being self-awareness, conscience, imagination, and independent will.

The quote is by the writer M Scott Peck who said
“The desire to love is not itself love….Love is an act of will …. Namely an intention and action. Will also implies choice. We do not have to love. We choose to love. No matter how much we may think we are loving, if we are in fact not loving, it is because we have chosen not to love and therefore not love despite our good intentions. On the other hand, whenever we do actually exert ourselves in the cause of spiritual growth, it is because we have chosen to do so. The choice to love has been made.”

Keep at it!

My Mother in my Life

I grew up in an era where children were left much to themselves except of course if you weren't bringing back a report card that was full of red marks. The good old days of handwritten report cards blue = good, red = bad. And of course found our own entertainment - no gameboys or home pc.

There was my father of course he was ok as far as fathers were then. I was a girl, I didn't expect much from him but he didn't expect any less from me than he expected of my brother.

My mother was typical in many ways but not as well informed as I wish she had been for my sake then. I believe she has been more influential in my life in many small ways that mattered right up to my Uni years even. When I say little things, I mean little things like hair conditioner and casual clothes and hair accessories and hair style... no I don't mean expensive stuff, just the basics. Because of the lack of them, I was always self conscious around the other teenagers, my shorts were outdated, my hair was never allowed to be free and if they were tied up, it was in ribbons. Besides, it was sort of untamed(cos no conditioner).

Trying to fit in was terrible, I couldn't, I was uncomfortable. Which meant that I grew without really having tried to be me. Somehow I was always trying to be someone else that ... should have been this and should that. Enough of the self-psych and whining.. I did eventually do that on my own terms, to who cares what anybody thinks.

I don't blame her for the ignorance, that was just the way of life and her path and that was life.

But I learn from her 'mistakes'.
She sacrificed for me by giving up work. Those days nannies could not be trusted. My folks came home one day to discover my brother and me, on our own, no food, no nanny (not that my bro and I were complaining, we knew not what we missed).
My mum is very much an introverted person, so that didn't help. She closed herself in, in a way. And when that happened, her life reduced her circle of friends. The consequences - less extrovert activity, less external social networking, less movement and one ages faster and falls sick more often. She does not dare go out on her own any longer.

When I am with her now, that's what I remember. Her sacrifice. She could be a different person if she had not.

So...

Anything you do or say will have an effect on your child, no matter how insignificant.

Taking note of the people (living and gone) around us, we should try to keep active in mind and body as long as we can. Retire yes (if you can), but not in mind and body!