Jul 20, 2009

My Mother in my Life




I grew up in an era where children were left much to themselves except of course if you weren't bringing back a report card that was full of red marks. The good old days of handwritten report cards blue = good, red = bad. And of course found our own entertainment - no gameboys or home pc.

There was my father of course he was ok as far as fathers were then. I was a girl, I didn't expect much from him but he didn't expect any less from me than he expected of my brother.

My mother was typical in many ways but not as well informed as I wish she had been for my sake then. I believe she has been more influential in my life in many small ways that mattered right up to my Uni years even. When I say little things, I mean little things like hair conditioner and casual clothes and hair accessories and hair style... no I don't mean expensive stuff, just the basics. Because of the lack of them, I was always self conscious around the other teenagers, my shorts were outdated, my hair was never allowed to be free and if they were tied up, it was in ribbons. Besides, it was sort of untamed(cos no conditioner).

Trying to fit in was terrible, I couldn't, I was uncomfortable. Which meant that I grew without really having tried to be me. Somehow I was always trying to be someone else that ... should have been this and should that. Enough of the self-psych and whining.. I did eventually do that on my own terms, to who cares what anybody thinks.

I don't blame her for the ignorance, that was just the way of life and her path and that was life.
But I learn from her 'mistakes'.
She sacrificed for me by giving up work. Those days nannies could not be trusted. My folks came home one day to discover my brother and me, on our own, no food, no nanny (not that my bro and I were complaining, we knew not what we missed).
My mum is very much an introverted person, so that didn't help. She closed herself in, in a way. And when that happened, her life reduced her circle of friends. The consequences - less extrovert activity, less external social networking, less movement and one ages faster and falls sick more often. She does not dare go out on her own any longer.

When I am with her now, that's what I remember. Her sacrifice. She could be a different person if she had not.
So...
Anything you do or say will have an effect on your child, no matter how insignificant.

Taking note of the people (living and gone) around us, we should try to keep active in mind and body as long as we can. Retire yes (if you can), but not in mind and body!

3 comments:

  1. We all have such excess baggage to carry. We wish this, we wish that. But when things do not happen the way we want it to be.. then move on. My mother was a neglected wife, but she moved on and had a very active social life. So what is she really missing out on. A loving husband? There is no guarantee it will last forever. So just move on, as did my mother. In her own quite way, she inspired and gave me courage.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Do we ever move on? We always come back to it somehow don't we. There must be lots of strewn baggage along the path we've walked. How do we burn the useless stuff, get rid of it?

    ReplyDelete
  3. 50 years of baggage in all sizes... you can only get rid of it, one at a time. Slowly but surely we will get there.

    There are no guarantees that we will not come back to the things that haunt us, but how we are able to handle it better this time round.

    Cheer up, there are many others in our shoes.. just that they choose not to share. We are not alone! Frankly those who are deemed happy, may be haunted themselves too.

    Perhaps the words "ENJOY THE RIDE" will help us in our everyday life. Its knowing we are suppose to have fun, yet we know there are ups and downs, no different from a roller coaster ride.

    ReplyDelete

Please leave me a note, thank you for stopping by, happy to have input and just know you hear me or even just to say hello.
Spam and junk will be removed.

Featured Post

You can't miss it if you didn't have it to begin with.

When I was growing up, hand-me-downs were common. And I don't mean from an older sister or cousin. I mean literally second hand clothes ...