Gentle reminder - HAVE NO FEAR

I had an earlier post in which I was ranting and feeling sorry for myself etc etc but decided I couldn't post it for young prying eyes.

I've been trying to ignore it by pretending it's not there hovering, so that I can regain my hold...but it just won't go away.
Fear seems to be my worst enemy. Life goes on and I think I am in control but it creeps up time and time again even when I think I have shoved it out the door. Courage where are you?
Have I ever revealed that by the Chinese zodiac calendar, I am a rabbit and my husband a tiger - I have always thought of myself as the sitting rabbit (like a 'sitting duck' if you guess my meaning), but on the other hand on the astro chart I am Leo the lion.. I hope the latter wins out.

I keep reminding myself, keep the faith, sometimes I do and sometimes it's difficult when anxiety comes along.   Then I think back to inner struggles, on all that has been accomplished and all that has passed and try to find my courage again so that I can face the new challenges that are about to come along. There are just some things I must do by myself .

Believe! .. let it go and leave it at HIS feet.. I will persevere.
My favourite prayer of late, still it's like I'm clinging to a vine so desperately tight before a thousand foot drop and only I know I am there :-

My Lord God

I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.

I cannot know for certain where it will end.

Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that

I think that I am following your will

does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you

does in fact please you.
And I hope that I have that desire

in all that I am doing.

I hope that I will never do anything

apart from that desire.

And I know that if I do this,

you will lead me by the right road

though I may know nothing about it.

Therefore will I trust you always

though I may seem to be lost

and in the shadow of death.

I will not fear, for you are ever with me

and you will never leave me

to face my perils alone.
[The Road Ahead by Thomas Merton]

To Awards and Friendships

St Augustine reflected that 'Friendship constitutes a country for those in exile, a fortune for the poor, a remedy for the sick, and a life for the dead. It provides pleasure for those who are well, strength for the weak, and a reward for the strong.'

From two of my favourite blogs, thank you Andrea Arise to Write and  All God's Creatures for the Circle of Friends Award and Farila Chapters From My Life and Discovering Myself for the Lemonade Award..Thank you both very much for your presence in my blog, I truly appreciate it..
Both these lovely ladies have created their own rules,  so I'll modify some too ...just so we can share in the receiving and the giving to be enjoyed. ...So to all bloggie friends visiting please take them for yourselves and pass them on to your friends.

The rules -  remember to acknowledge the bloggers(do a link) where they came from, nominate 5 recipients (let them know about it) and tell us any 5 things about yourself.

There have been a few awards going round lately so I am not just going to select a few. There are many of you who pass through, it doesn't matter if you comment or not but I believe many read what I put down. For your participation alone, it's sufficient reason for me to pass these awards on and share them with any of you who would like to pick them up. There is a joy in receiving and there is a joy in giving or passing them on. I hope you experience that feeling too.

5 things about me .....
- I have to stop and smell a rose when I come across one;
- I love the smell of smashed raw garlic;
- I remember my 'glory days' fondly - I used to play badminton for school(my primary school days) and netball for school thereafter all the way to college..(that means I used to have sports in my blood..)
- I love cooking but not the washing up..
- I am afraid to get another pet dog, because I don't think I could go through loosing another one again.

Have fun sharing the awards..

A Good Cool Break Away.....

I took a break with the kids and my folks during the week. We drove to Cameron Highlands which is somewhere(Perak-Pahang) in the middle of Malaysia. It was a 7 hour drive all the way from home across the causeway to the top of the mountain 'Gunung Brinchang' 2000m(1666ft) above sea level.  Miles and miles of oil palms is what we drove past.

It was a packed car filled with bags, kids and adults. My dad and I took turns driving. We stayed at the top most town of Brinchang.

The last time I went there, was some 30+ years ago. What I remembered most about the place was the cold cold wind, the big roses and beautiful larger than usual flowers. Then, it was sparsely populated with shop house - 2 storey buildings,  rather sleepy atmosphere surrounded by hectares and hectares of tea plantations and vegetable farms. Along the winding road, you still find the 'orang asli' the original natives to the area, selling forest durians, wild honey and other exotic fruits.

This time round, WOW, the town was like 5 times the size, with lots more buildings, hotels and shops and lots more traffic. Commercialisation had to catch up I suppose.  The weather was the same - cold cold wind and beautiful (it was a little wet, but it didn't dampen our mood..) Thank goodness for hot water.. 

Tea plantations and vegetable farms all still there, but this time round there were strawberry farms additionally as well as apiaries (bee farms). We managed to do and see everything - tea plantations, honey making, tea leave processing, picked strawberries, half of which was eaten by my youngest at the hotel.

Well of course with car travel up and down and winding roads some of us got sick  (yours truly included).. but then no pain no gain !..

Colours just seem richer and more vibrant, courtesy of the climate up there, colourful flowers everywhere, we checked out the huge roses and hibiscus and the butterfly farm. There was a mini carnival at night, my son took his first ferris wheel ride and enjoyed it thoroughly as any kid would.

We managed to drive to the summit area on the second day... got lost in the process,.. luckily we didn't get stuck in the mud., managed a 3-point turn in extremely tight conditions(mud tracks)..didn't quite have to travel through forest terrain... but alas when we reached the TOP we were literally standing in the CLOUDS, wonderfully chilly BUT no scenery to take in since we were lost in FLUFF..

A different sort of 'tiring' for me, but it was a good break away from tensions, stress, phone calls, emails, the pc, work, worries and even the sun which we missed mostly while we were up there. The children were at ease eventhough they couldn't leave mischief at home (it had to come along!)

Thank you dear God for the safe safe journey to and fro, the beauty, the time, the cool weather, the food, the family.

Beneath the Waves

See the waves on the ocean, of constant movement,
of shifts, a rising, ebb and  flow.
It is each one of us, until finally
each crashes, breaks or fades on some shore.
Each gathers force to rise to greater heights, so busily,
to become stronger than the next, gathering more
to overcome and ride over the wave in front.
Time is of the essence.
The surface teems with agitation, chaos and impatience.

Yet look down, just beneath, the vast ocean,
a limitless expanse, where all is calm.
Step into Life that teems alongside a great emptiness.
None is harried, none is loud.
Simplicity is foremost, time takes a back seat.
Let go, surrender and be free
of turbulence, restriction or constraints.

There is much to explore, look to any direction,
feel every sense come to life.
Consciously aware,  let the mind breathe in a clarity
of experience, of beauty, colour, movements, a tranquility.
Light at our center glows bright once more.
Before long, the deepest journey of our self has begun.
An exploration of depth, splendour,
serenity and awareness will come to pass.
Live life not as a wave but as the ocean.

(HA 2009)

Sunday Solitude: Only Good will come if we Follow

We know that God makes all things work together for the good of those who love him.   -Rom 8-28

I read many things into this line, it tells me each one of us is but a part of a greater whole.
We are all 'fitted' together for a purpose. Something that happens to one, has an impact direct and indirect on the rest. Something you read in someone's post will affect someone today.
So we should not be overly preocccupied with accidents and incidents, we should trust that they are part of God's big secret plan.
God is THE director, so then, we must be able to follow for it to come to pass.
And ultimately all will work out to our advantage and benefit, to enjoy at the end.
I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through me. -Jn 14.6
St Catherine of Siena reflected  'Many want to go ahead of Christ not after him - by laying out a way to their own specifications. They seek to serve God and obtain virtue without effort.
But they deceive themselves for Christ is "the way"'

Taking the Ordinary for Granted

Over the years in meeting with different kinds of individuals you learn that nothing can be a norm even living within the same society,  in other words I should not take anything for granted..

- riding on 2 wheels - I learnt that when I was a kid with other kids, but I have friends who cannot. I couldn't imagine that (I was shocked) and then I thought about it. The reason is simple, they grew up without a bicycle, there was no opportunity for one among themselves or their neighbours, I had my neighbours bicycle to borrow and scratch my knees with. When I taught years ago, we brought in a couple of bicycles to teach those who did not have the opportunity. There's nothing like moving and balancing on your own steam and riding with the wind in your face.  To me, riding a 2-wheeler should be an elemental part of growing up years.

- swimming - I didn't learn it til I was in my late 30s. I had a colleague who laughed, and thought we were joking when we mentioned we wanted to arrange for an instructor. My colleague of the same age, couldn't believe that, why because she learnt it in school and everyone else she grew up with could. I think many of us couldn't afford such luxuries in those days. But I think I appreciate the fact more than she does.

- having a child that always takes one of the top 3 positions in the school every year for the past 13 years. My colleague takes her child for granted. She does not check on his school work.  She cannot understand why I take so much time out to spend with the kids over study and yet they are never near the top. Well she is lucky, and she complains he doesn't focus.  How does that happen? He just is smart.  Wow I can't imagine what life would be like, living with such a child.

- eating chocolates. Years ago when I taught, I had 1 student who had never had a chocolate. When he stood to tell his story about what foods they had never eaten before, the rest of the class laughed. I was shocked.  It was not that he could not afford it, but it was because his parents had forbidden it, they were against it for unknown health reasons.  Is it possible to go through life without ever tasting chocolates?

- watching TV.  I have a couple of friends married to each other and who are doctors; and when they had kids they decided they would not allow their kids to watch TV because of 'bad influence' and it 'distracts learning', something like that. I thought to myself 'poor kids'. I cannot imagine that for a kid. Anyway they had changed their minds by the time the oldest child was 11 or 12. The reason was because it had made no difference to the child's learning capability. If anything they weren't sure if it was the reason she was not as smart as mummy or daddy.  My kids cannot imagine that. Well it take all sorts doesn't it... 

- I have 3 kids, we tried and we had. Seemed simple  I know of at least six different women friends and colleagues who tried but could not and still do not have any kids. That is sad. I cannot imagine what that would be like. I am grateful.

- climbing a tree. My boys have never really climbed a tree, but I have. It is a memorable experience.  Have you?

I suppose there are many more things that we each take for granted.

Defending the Motherhood - plainly speaking...

In one of our studies for a project a while back we came across a lady who was a mother and wife and yet would not recommend marriage to the young or persuade them to have kids. I had talked about this in my earlier post on Family, it's a controversial subject today, arising out of a declining local population.  Most of the responses from men and women were mostly neutral and politically correct.

There was this one particular lady that stood out because she was probably the most pragmatic person in that group with her response. She did not talk about love and rewarding experiences. She used to teach until she had her first child.  She said that the young today have no patience. They have most awareness for themselves only. They have enjoyed life too much in their early age. How would they last in a partnership, how would they look after their child. I don't believe they can make that sacrifice. Especially young women.

For her own experience, she had found it a hard road but by sheer will, she made the sacrifice because it was expected and it was the right thing to do and they(husband and wife) had wanted kids. Her spouse, yes they were still married, she felt did not have to sacrifice and do as much, because they are not expected to or they did not feel the compulsion because they did not bear the child, eventhough they were his too. The responsibility was heavier on her. On hindsight, would she go through that again? No she would not. But don't mistake her " l love my children, I wouldn't turn back the clock" and her voice held a passion describing how they filled her life. She continued that many young people have had a taste of seeing the world, why would they stop themselves from more. Cost of living is high, as a couple even higher, add children in the mix and 'lifestyle is severely curtailed'. There was no bitterness in her tone that I could read.

No one argued or agreed with her. They were quite stunned by her response. She was not regretting the kids, she was regretting not having been able to live more. She also sounded like she was defending a cause. I suppose that was what it was about, young people should get married and have children for the right reasons, but by their own choosing and not because of  public campaigns and incentives.

Is it too harsh, are our youth really that materialistic. There was a lot of insight in her statements and hit home reality of thoughts of my own trials. After you take away the frills, it is in truth a vocation one must desire and be prepared to be responsible for at all costs - with sacrifice. You have to climb that mountain first, all the way to enjoy the reward at the peak.

We do lots for Love and therein lies the reward. As Mother Teresa said, that is what we will be judged on at the end - how much we love and not how many successes we scored or how much of the world we had seen.