Jun 28, 2010

The mind of a 9 year old....

Lately I've been trying to deal with some issues that my youngest son seems to have developed.
He's more mature for his age, thinks more about the burdens of life as a child as opposed to just enjoying.

He is hyper, I believe I have mentioned it before. When he plays he forgets, but when he stops playing all manner of 'worries' seem to creep into his head- mostly the stuff that he does not like to do. And those things seem to weigh down on him. He uses the word 'stress' easily when he actually means he is angry at being forced to do them - simple things like doing some written work particularly the 2nd language, his brother's put down, curbing his play time or has unfinished homework that worries..
Boredom builds fast for him so he constantly needs to be occupied but within the occupation he soon looses interest too. It's hard to keep his mind on a non-action subject for long.

So one I've been giving him examples of more stressful possibilities that have/ could have occurred in our lives to define what stress really could be (he understands that better than most [glad he seems to have forgotten];and two, I have also been trying to get him to understand that he needs to mend his attitude otherwise he's not going to be able to cope with what he calls life and will always have this problem because others are not giving him his freedom. His expectations seem more complicated for a child.

I have to keep at it for it to work. ................       .so many little things to keep at ...

How do you explain what the job of a kid is to a kid?



Jun 23, 2010

Revising my Lease on life

I made mistakes and that is what I should learn from rather than try to forget them. When I think of them, I think, why was I so naive, I wish I had been more mature and had been more exposed to see the bad and recognize the abnormal and be less forgiving.

Now it's easier, I remember but have stopped dwelling on it in an oppressive obsessive way. It's time to go past that. I can't undo the past that has led to the here and now, nor wish it away because there's too much there to change, and much I don't wish to change.

These are what I can't share openly and that is why I have this blog. It is the negative expressions, the heavy hearted-ness of thought that are poured out here. Call these my troubled pages. While I might be ready to share some and reveal more of that sad existence with the adults of my circle,  I don't think the kids are ready for the reception of the knowing by relatives or cousins, aunts and uncles whether it is in sympathy or not.

When I started this blog, it was part of the healing, I suppose I am on my way to a new (or revised) lease on life.
All who know me(outside blog land) only see the shiny side of me and the optimist (only my dad knows my 'not so ordinary' troubles). I say 'not ordinary' because this concept of trouble would be quite alien to the normal persons I know.  They don't ask anymore where my husband is or why the children's father do not join us at social functions ?
I want to move on as the pain of the bad fades, I wish to express those thoughts and events that are part of daily life - the pragmatic side of life that is the open book among all I know. Dwelling on life now or to be is a better exercise too I think. So I began another blog that is not hidden, that is open, one that posts about more practical stuff and other  moments of my life, my kids' life, to remember, no heavy emotions or dark thoughts or fears.
If you do comes across it or recognise me,  that's ok. You know me better after all.
I'm not ending off here, life's not perfect YET.   These are are still part of who I am and was.

One day I might link them both.

Jun 18, 2010

Want

If God could say Yes,
why does he say No?
Why not ease our way, just bless.
Ah but then, like I say to my child,
if life were too easy you'd get bored.
For that which we want, we must go the mile,
and that is why we must plod.
It is of little worth, anything too easily got,
so we work to raise its’ price.
Our needs He knows though I may not,
delivering them before my unseeing eyes.
Off and on I glimpse but for a moment appreciate.
When the fog lifts, so too the weight.
Then I return to the routine
of wants and whining.


(HA-2010)

Jun 16, 2010

School hols - tough on me

It’s the school hols, the long mid year break.
It’s tough being a working mum and tougher during school breaks.

I don’t have that many days of annual leave to take off, so it's quite hard to plan outings around. Annual leave totals 11 days only (call the company stingy.. whatever.. that’s life).  I seriously envy those who have 20 or more days leave.

I sneer and roll my eyes at politicians who babble about work-life balance and push pro-family wonders (where's the time to enjoy it) and can't figure why this country can't grow it's population. Well the happy-go-lucky young have one answer and the experienced have a different response. Good luck to the politicians.

I always wish I can do more with them during their hols, I would like to spend more time with the kids but I can’t afford to. I keep 1 or 2 days for Christmas and some days for the second big break at the end of the year and of course a 1 or 2 for possible emergencies. Sounds pathetic, I agree.
This year I decided the schools would have to meet my timing after office hours for any compulsory PT stuff (if they weren't scheduled on a Saturday), they are not entitled to my leave.

My girl is busy with the major exam that is not too far down the road, and the boys essentially entertain themselves with their electronic games and TV.
You’d think they have more than enough to occupy themselves, yet they still get bored. Grandparents help but I don't want them to bother much, it is their time to relax and the kids can be stressful.

It’s difficult trying to get them to follow some work schedule(to keep in touch with the books) when you are not there. In the office, I am more distracted by their phone calls and keeping track of what they are doing at home.

Sigh....more leave would be good...

Jun 15, 2010

Jun 14, 2010

Make a list - time to unclog the pipes...

My melancholy moments are stored mostly here in my blog,
I try not to carry it with me for others to see...
or be dragged down with.
In the home, mostly there is no time for it,
the kids have their many temperamental moments.

Lately, for a while now, things have piled up I suppose, that's why.  It's more like a heavy fog than a depression that weighs down on my memory, there are things that need to be done and things that need to be corrected yet cannot be controlled.

Let's try making a list, perhaps it 'll become clearer to know what I can change and what I can't,  perhaps some things can get moving and out of the way. 

Jun 12, 2010

Auto mode ...

Took a break, went camping with the kids but it wasn't as relaxing as I thought it would be.  It was good exercise, my bones were aching from the aftermath but...

After some time life becomes routine again.
I want change. I keep thinking of change, a more lasting memory, a more fulfilling experience ?.

To do things slowly, more deliberately,  to think more of the doing than the getting done.

My head is full of things to do, the list never ends.
I go through each day almost robotically.
Nagging the kids seems automatic, even if it's for different antics.
Going through the motions, eating, showering, cleaning, fixing ...

I want to slow it down, change the pace,
to feel more in the here and now.

It's probably just a phase ...my last post on this was in 9/2009 routines-living-in-auto-mode.

Jun 2, 2010

Two at a time...

I got two lovely awards from Betty of Cut and Dry, thank you Betty they do certainly cheer up one's day and adds to the to-do list....:)


The "sunshine award" ... well just pass it on to 12 of your favourite bloggers...


The other award is the 'Versatile Blogger',  and while I got this from Betty first, I was also presented with it again from the Wanderer  a day later. Thank you.

You have to do some 'soul searching' for this one ..
 The rules for " The Versatile Blogger" award are:

1. Thank the person who gave you this award.
2.. Share 7 things about yourself.
3. Pass the award along to 15 bloggers whom you have recently discovered and who you think are fantastic!
4. Contact the bloggers you've picked and let them know about the award.

... 7 things about me

  1. I can't go without a new book for more than a week.. otherwise I get withdrawal symptoms.
  2. I need a chocolate fix every 3 to 4 days...otherwise I get withdrawal symptoms.
  3. I absolutely love dogs in general but there's something about the Chihuahua that I don't like but I can't figure out what!
  4. I can't seem to work in space that is cluttered.
  5. I often wish I could play the piano or the organ.
  6. I don't have 20/20 vision, I don't dare try lasik.
  7. I grew up in a very non-expressive household.

Go ahead pick one or both (make your day..) and pass em on......

And here are my choices:
  1. Sarah
  2. Donetta
  3. Locating My Life ..
  4. http://abundantliving-tracy.blogspot.com/
  5. http://arise2write.blogspot.com/
  6. http://stephaniebaffone.blogspot.com
  7. http://mamaswithdrama.blogspot.com/
  8. http://justbereal77.blogspot.com/
  9. Be Inspired Today by Julieanne 
  10. Nevine's Dreams and Deliriums
  11. Just Me 
  12. Alice in Wonderland
  13. Farila of Chapters From My Life 
  14. Journey of A Single Mum 
  15. When did I become my mom

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