I made mistakes and that is what I should learn from rather than try to forget them. When I think of them, I think, why was I so naive, I wish I had been more mature and had been more exposed to see the bad and recognize the abnormal and be less forgiving.Now it's easier, I remember but have stopped dwelling on it in an oppressive obsessive way. It's time to go past that. I can't undo the past that has led to the here and now, nor wish it away because there's too much there to change, and much I don't wish to change.
These are what I can't share openly and that is why I have this blog. It is the negative expressions, the heavy hearted-ness of thought that are poured out here. Call these my troubled pages. While I might be ready to share some and reveal more of that sad existence with the adults of my circle, I don't think the kids are ready for the reception of the knowing by relatives or cousins, aunts and uncles whether it is in sympathy or not.
When I started this blog, it was part of the healing, I suppose I am on my way to a new (or revised) lease on life.
All who know me(outside blog land) only see the shiny side of me and the optimist (only my dad knows my 'not so ordinary' troubles). I say 'not ordinary' because this concept of trouble would be quite alien to the normal persons I know. They don't ask anymore where my husband is or why the children's father do not join us at social functions ?
I want to move on as the pain of the bad fades, I wish to express those thoughts and events that are part of daily life - the pragmatic side of life that is the open book among all I know. Dwelling on life now or to be is a better exercise too I think. So I began another blog that is not hidden, that is open, one that posts about more practical stuff and other moments of my life, my kids' life, to remember, no heavy emotions or dark thoughts or fears.
If you do comes across it or recognise me, that's ok. You know me better after all.I'm not ending off here, life's not perfect YET. These are are still part of who I am and was.
One day I might link them both.
I am stopping by to thank you for your prayers, encouragement, and support. Your comments on arise 2 write touch my heart. THANK YOU for being you!
ReplyDeleteHugs,
andrea
I can relate in that I also find writing helps me sort through stuff when I'm feeling intense, helps me process so I can better deal with things.
ReplyDeleteI love this post, BM.
ReplyDeleteLife is also an endless journey into ourselves.. I have revised so many things in my life.. so far; this never stops.
Sharing things with others helps a lot.
The key for all of us is to find our inner peace..but how you ask. Living each day to its fullest and enjoying nature and all the beautiful things that surround us.
Love and hugs!
Betty xx
I have to agree with Betty on this.
ReplyDeleteSharing things, sometimes serious or even something so trivial, gives us all hope.
HOPE....such a beautiful word! And something that we all need.
I started blogging when I started reading comments that I could identify with and it was then that I realised that I was not alone.
Loved this post, BM, keep on writing!
Big hugs!
I so relate to you what you wrote here and my primary blog like yours was a place for me to be free to write what I couldn't say...what I didn't want those in my world to know. It's brought me alot of freedom too and I sense the shift towards being more positive...less oppressive. I think you're awesome...and I'm thankful you are who you are. Stay strong ok. Sarah
ReplyDelete