A question of fairness

Is it normal to constantly think in terms of balance of problems ?  I know that others do not have perfect lives but some just seem to have less troubles than I do. Then I think that's unfair. Why me ?

My life has improved much, and it is ridiculous to expect it to be perfect BUT from time to time (when I am tried) I wallow, I compare myself, my life with that of others and I always feel like I have more to weather than others.

I think in terms of no kids vs 3 kids vs 1 kid vs parents with smart kids vs kids who have to work so hard vs the busy parent vs SAHM vs the single (happy go lucky), the well traveled vs luck vs luckless..  etc etc etc..


There' s a saying that God doesn't give us more than we can handle, but why do we have to have more than others at all. Isn't some enough ? Why do some seem to have none at all ?

I read somewhere too, that we experience problems because God wants to see or test our reactions to it rather than the solution of it.  So does it add to our credit line somewhere or reduce our debt on some conscience balance sheet for a place in heaven ?
It seems that we all don't begin with the same starting balance.

The mulling lasts a little while and then I thank God because there is more goodness to be grateful for than what went before. We all have different strengths to handle life differently, I suppose that is why.

There's a reason for all things that happen to us, I believe that strongly and yet ..........





 

Teenage angst

How long does this phase last ?  The rule books are out on this.

My youngest is entering the teen phase soon, although I think he's there already...

My oldest is out of the teen zone but still very much in the phase of hormones... or it could a girl thing.

I honestly cannot recall going through this phase with that much upheaval where my parents were concerned. I think it was within me, betweee me and myself and among school mates mostly but it wasn't too rocky a period, quite uneventful I think... or did I have it too much under control. Hmmm ???

The good thing is, they are talking to me; I won't always call it a conversation all the time, it could be one way (either way) too.

They get angry, so do I (I am allowed aren't I...I think the rule books says so ) but I keep it going when they think it's the end of the world, like there was no explosion,  and sometimes I behave like there was no battle and they can be baffled by this but I think they are getting used to the idea.  There are moments when they weigh it by, that the battle between us was stronger just by the length of my silence.

I will survive !


                                 

Self pity

Self pity...it's easy to fall into this hole,

they are fairly common along the road

we walk every day.

It comes from holding on to the past.

Let go.

Unfortunately those around us 

don't always let us forget

and moments, words in exchange

force us to remember bitter thoughts.

and then we fall.

Perfect Family

Is there a perfect family anywhere ?. My opinion. I don't think so.

Does it matter ?  Ultimately it's what we decide to do, how we choose to judge or react to each person and we live with that choice to either love, hate or maintain relationships for family sake.
I suppose this is the cycle of life, the drama of life and so on BUT Life goes on.

I wrote about My Mother sometime ago.  Recently I have been dredging up old memories, which I know I should just drop. My mother has been acting out (literally acting petulant) because of grief and loss and getting me worked up.

A close relative passed away and bad family history (little dramas and sagas) gets dug up. Grief performs some amazing tricks with the mind.

How does a younger person offer advise to an elderly on forgiveness and letting go and moving forward ?

Not that I ever believed I had a perfect family, history and all, I just never heard much about it. At the same time I am hearing about lots of new historical drama that has passed within my own and the different extended families. Arranged marriages that were forced to work and typical IN-LAW horror stories (not a myth !!)... this is the gist of history of my past generation.

My history ( if it be told by my children) ironically while imperfect too is made up of none of these.

The strange things people queue for !

At one time, there were queues for new property launches. Well that's gone now.

Then there was the iPhone craze. Sorry but I'm not an apple fan, I'm quite happy with the android phone and Windows.

The latest craze is 'Hello Kitty' given out by  McDonalds. That is really unbelievable. What's there to get up and go queue at 4am in the morning ..over  a stuffed cat that has a mouth missing ??

Hmmm... is this a Singapore thing ?

The other crazy thing I hear is that you can auction these Kittys and make 100 times what they're worth ... seriously !!

The haze situation has improved for now. There's cloud seeding and some other such activity in the works. School re opens next week and then we begin the hard work again.

My God loves me...vs Mother Nature

It's a beautiful hymn, that is infrequently sung in church, why is that ?

From time to time, we all need reminders that no matter what the failings or the weaknesses He still does.

Mother Nature is acting out in our part of the world too in a different way. No hurricanes or blizzards or floods or droughts.

All things happen for a reason - anywhere.

The environment has taken a turn for the worst at the moment. The mosquitoes are causing problems with a new strain of Dengue.  Many factors are probably the cause besides breeding sites which we are constantly reminded to prevent, the extreme weather could be the other reason that's helping the mozzies along. No, there is still no cure against the virus of the Aedes mosquito. Nature will continue to find ways to survive.

The PSI (air quality)is bad, every year we go through this problem for a while, where the neighbouring countries (farmers) burn the land to such an extent it affects the air (smells of smoke)all the way across the seas not just here over in Singapore but the whole of the west coast of Malaysia  too. We aren't pulling on oxygen masks just yet. Hope the winds change.

One would think I was not talking about urban Singapore but some backwater  'ulu' country, but this is happening here and now.

How much is within our control, not much I think. We'll just have to weather it.

Coping with ........

As I tried to title this post I was trying to figure, what am I coping with ?

There are just too many areas.

First I thought 'school', the kids timetable and their or my or the schools' push towards academic performance is taking it's toll. Yes exams are around the corner. Exams always seem to be around the corner.

Dealing with the ex is no longer a problem directly but dealing with his antics through playing with the kids'head is another kind of problem. I am learning how to deal with that too, unfortunately I can't say the same for the kids who are neither too young or too old.  You can't force courage or grow it when the fear never really went away and strength never had the opportunity to take root. My ex can't seem to think first for the goodness of his kids except his own selfish end. To him, it's still about winning the game and that means using the kids.
In this instance I think prayer is the only strategy and everyday I strive to keep the kids going at what is important for them.

Then there is work. Does such a thing exist, work-life balance?.  No job is stable today, perhaps if you work in the public sector. Dissatisfaction is one thing, but holding on to it and making it work does not help when the economy is so volatile.
Inflation used to be subtle and silent, but today it's the opposite and so tangible that you hear and feel it constantly when you shop for basics or have a simple meal.

Besides that I've been thinking of moving out of my sector to something more worthwhile but that's difficult at my age too.

So we plod on and make whatever works work.
My mind is constantly racing even when I try to do something restful and calming, there's always something to worry about, to plan for, to frown about and just so little to smile about.

It's hard to just throw caution to the wind.

No I'm not feeling melancholy, just low on faith and irritated by all these bumps along the road.