Is God always testing us, when do we graduate ?
One cannot be a counselor to one's own children. Our job is to love them unconditionally and get angry conditionally.
I find comfort in the psalms than some of the usual prayers these days, they help me to let go, and still pray. "Show me the path I should walk' is what I have repeatedly asked for these past ten years and more.
The anger builds and ebbs and churns and then empties and it wavers with the children's moods.
Lord, hear my prayer; in your faithfulness listen to my pleading; answer me in your justice.
Do not enter into judgment with your servant; before you no living being can be just.
The enemy has pursued me; they have crushed my life to the ground.
They have left me in darkness like those long dead.
My spirit is faint within me; my heart is dismayed.
I remember the days of old; I ponder all your deeds; the works of your hands I recall.
I stretch out my hands to you; I thirst for you like a parched land.
Hasten to answer me, Lord; for my spirit fails me.
Do not hide your face from me, lest I become like those descending to the pit.
At dawn let me hear of your kindness, for in you I trust.
Show me the path I should walk, for to you I entrust my life.
Rescue me, Lord, from my foes, for in you I hope.
Teach me to do your will, for you are my God.
May your kind spirit guide me on ground that is level.
For your name's sake, Lord, give me life; in your justice lead me out of distress.
In your kindness put an end to my foes; destroy all who attack me, for I am your servant.
- Psalm 143