Want

If God could say Yes,

why does he say No?

Why not ease our way, just bless.

Ah but then, like I say to my child,

if life were too easy you'd get bored.

For that which we want, we must go the mile,

and that is why we must plod.

It is of little worth, anything too easily got,

so we work to raise its’ price.

Our needs He knows though I may not,

delivering them before my unseeing eyes.

Off and on I glimpse but for a moment appreciate.

When the fog lifts, so too the weight.

Then I return to the routine

of wants and whining.

(HA-2010)

School hols - tough on me

It’s the school hols, the long mid year break.

It’s tough being a working mum and tougher during school breaks.

I don’t have that many days of annual leave to take off, so it's quite hard to plan outings around. Annual leave totals 11 days only (call the company stingy.. whatever.. that’s life).  I seriously envy those who have 20 or more days leave.

I sneer and roll my eyes at politicians who babble about work-life balance and push pro-family wonders (where's the time to enjoy it) and can't figure why this country can't grow it's population. Well the happy-go-lucky young have one answer and the experienced have a different response. Good luck to the politicians.

I always wish I can do more with them during their hols, I would like to spend more time with the kids but I can’t afford to. I keep 1 or 2 days for Christmas and some days for the second big break at the end of the year and of course a 1 or 2 for possible emergencies. Sounds pathetic, I agree.

This year I decided the schools would have to meet my timing after office hours for any compulsory PT stuff (if they weren't scheduled on a Saturday), they are not entitled to my leave.

My girl is busy with the major exam that is not too far down the road, and the boys essentially entertain themselves with their electronic games and TV.

You’d think they have more than enough to occupy themselves, yet they still get bored. Grandparents help but I don't want them to bother much, it is their time to relax and the kids can be stressful.

It’s difficult trying to get them to follow some work schedule(to keep in touch with the books) when you are not there. In the office, I am more distracted by their phone calls and keeping track of what they are doing at home.

Sigh....more leave would be good...

Mixed moods

This feels like me... mixed up moods.. ..

feeling better, calmer today...

Make a list - time to unclog the pipes...

My melancholy moments are stored mostly here in my blog,
I try not to carry it with me for others to see...
or be dragged down with.
In the home, mostly there is no time for it,
the kids have their many temperamental moments.

Lately, for a while now, things have piled up I suppose, that's why.  It's more like a heavy fog than a depression that weighs down on my memory, there are things that need to be done and things that need to be corrected yet cannot be controlled.

Let's try making a list, perhaps it 'll become clearer to know what I can change and what I can't,  perhaps some things can get moving and out of the way. 

Auto mode ...

Took a break, went camping with the kids but it wasn't as relaxing as I thought it would be.  It was good exercise, my bones were aching from the aftermath but...

After some time life becomes routine again.

I want change. I keep thinking of change, a more lasting memory, a more fulfilling experience ?.

To do things slowly, more deliberately,  to think more of the doing than the getting done.

My head is full of things to do, the list never ends.

I go through each day almost robotically.

Nagging the kids seems automatic, even if it's for different antics.

Going through the motions, eating, showering, cleaning, fixing ...

I want to slow it down, change the pace,

to feel more in the here and now.

It's probably just a phase ...my last post on this was in 9/2009 routines-living-in-auto-mode.

Two at a time...

I got two lovely awards from Betty of Cut and Dry, thank you Betty they do certainly cheer up one's day and adds to the to-do list....:)

The "sunshine award" ... well just pass it on to 12 of your favourite bloggers...

The other award is the 'Versatile Blogger',  and while I got this from Betty first, I was also presented with it again from the Wanderer  a day later. Thank you.

You have to do some 'soul searching' for this one ..

 The rules for " The Versatile Blogger" award are:

1. Thank the person who gave you this award.

2.. Share 7 things about yourself.

3. Pass the award along to 15 bloggers whom you have recently discovered and who you think are fantastic!

4. Contact the bloggers you've picked and let them know about the award.

... 7 things about me

1. I can't go without a new book for more than a week.. otherwise I get withdrawal symptoms.
2. I need a chocolate fix every 3 to 4 days...otherwise I get withdrawal symptoms.
3. I absolutely love dogs in general but there's something about the Chihuahua that I don't like but I can't figure out what!
4. I can't seem to work in space that is cluttered.
5. I often wish I could play the piano or the organ.
6. I don't have 20/20 vision, I don't dare try lasik.
7. I grew up in a very non-expressive household.

Go ahead pick one or both (make your day..) and pass em on......

And here are my choices:

1. Sarah
2. Donetta
3. Locating My Life ..
4. http://abundantliving-tracy.blogspot.com/
5. http://arise2write.blogspot.com/
6. http://stephaniebaffone.blogspot.com
7. http://mamaswithdrama.blogspot.com/
8. http://justbereal77.blogspot.com/
9. Be Inspired Today by Julieanne 
10. Nevine's Dreams and Deliriums
11. Just Me 
12. Alice in Wonderland
13. Farila of Chapters From My Life 
14. Journey of A Single Mum 
15. When did I become my mom

Keep It Together

Keep it together today,

tomorrow will be better.

In suffering we grow He says,

yet I feel weak rather than mightier.

Perhaps it’s not yet the peak,

there’s a way to go.

How far does He wish to push me?

I wish I could know.

The right words are in my mind,

but little comfort do I feel from those.

Faith and hope are powerful tools,

if only I remember to keep them close.

I have their love and struggles to contend with,

my own I must lay low.

But then, at least their paths 

will surely be better than before.

(HA - 2010)