Sep 10, 2011

Managing tension? Add Faith...

‘Hypertension’ the moment the doctor mentioned that my BP was approaching that level it has kept me thinking.  Am I in a state of distress ?. Am I putting myself there?. I have always considered myself calm and patient and yet perhaps it’s being eroded by all the negative things going on in my life for the past year. I just realized it has been a year, since the actual proceedings began.

I’ve moved from acceptance to elation to worry.
Acceptance because I can finally get on with living and not the hollow shell I have been for so long, acceptance because this is where my prayers have led me and this must be the step, the only solution which I am grateful has been taken out of my hands.
Elation because of the liberation from the abusive environment and the hell of my ex’s ill-foreboding ever-presence. Worry over the mischief the ex is
scheming and he has but to no success so far. Worry over the kids and their thoughts on the situation. .  While there is a ‘sense of relief’, there is also a confusion on the final outcome – as to what position their father will hold over them.

Is it the tension of waiting? I'm playing with scenarios in my head, I have sort of projected and thought of what could be. It is the interim waiting phase now, and while I am on my guard off and on, I get a little frustrated and lapse into impatience. I need to review and  to take back the control and sort out what is really needling me. I've let it float all over in my head and so now it is settling.  Thankfully when I went back a week later, it had improved significantly.

Time and time again I need to remind myself that I have come a long long way and I am not alone.

I would like to rewrite here a comment I had left on Tracy's blog. - 'Abundant Living' the Post: Was That You   6 Sep on how God guides....
When I look back this is what I know. For a long while, because I was not listening I guided my destiny until that point when I realized I had botched it up by myself and from then I began to pray while waiting to hear from God.  
Perhaps God has been speaking to me all the while, but I never heeded nor was I truly aware in faith until that turning point.

But from that point of awareness, I did the proverbial asking and asking with faith but over a period of time just as I was running out of hope, I realized that along that way I had learnt and grown in strength that mattered for me to take the next steps that HE was leading me to. 
He had been teaching me and listening to me and somewhere along the way I had been listening to him too.
If God is in your heart, he will guide your destiny. Today more than ever I believe that it is the Lord leading me.


  1. Stress can cause tension and high blood pressure. I can only speak for myself my divorce was the best thing that ever happen to me. I didn't see it then but now I know that the abuse kept me from growing in to a confident women I now am. Hang in there!

  2. Oh BM i wish i could say something of my own but your thoughts have given me something that i want to dwell in.Thoughts about the Superpower that leads us where we go, helping us all the way as we accept, feel liberated,elated and once again lapse into worry.
    i have faced some unfortunate events myself and living life normally i feel i have accepted but somehow the insecurity creeps in and i find myself worrying. For u the worry/tension has manifested in BP while for me it raises it's head in the form of burn like patches...ugly Psoriatic patches.My dermatologist tells me to stay happy not to worry but that's the way it is.
    And just like you have said when my trying not to worry does not work i leave the rest to that one Superpower to see me through.
    Wanted to share a few of these words by a friend.
    "a world that started
    and stopped with you
    although you were
    just apparition
    that deserted, left
    at glimpse of glitter
    to find rays of gold
    where lay shimmer
    of your horizon -
    i stumbled, i fell
    withdrew my hand
    that none were there
    to reach or hold
    I looked beyond
    and saw Him beckon
    to candle of His hope
    I've groped my way
    to reach my goal -
    His shelter
    is now my haven."

    Stay faithful and stay shall know.

  3. Oh, those scenarios playing in your head. I know them well! They can sap your energy and fuel your stress. You know they're bad, but they are almost impossible to resist. Especially when kids are involved. Take care of yourself!


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