Managing tension? Add Faith...

‘Hypertension’ the moment the doctor mentioned that my BP was approaching that level it has kept me thinking.  Am I in a state of distress ?. Am I putting myself there?. I have always considered myself calm and patient and yet perhaps it’s being eroded by all the negative things going on in my life for the past year. I just realized it has been a year, since the actual proceedings began.

I’ve moved from acceptance to elation to worry.

Acceptance because I can finally get on with living and not the hollow shell I have been for so long, acceptance because this is where my prayers have led me and this must be the step, the only solution which I am grateful has been taken out of my hands.

Elation because of the liberation from the abusive environment and the hell of my ex’s ill-foreboding ever-presence. Worry over the mischief the ex is
scheming and he has but to no success so far. Worry over the kids and their thoughts on the situation. .  While there is a ‘sense of relief’, there is also a confusion on the final outcome – as to what position their father will hold over them.

Is it the tension of waiting? I'm playing with scenarios in my head, I have sort of projected and thought of what could be. It is the interim waiting phase now, and while I am on my guard off and on, I get a little frustrated and lapse into impatience. I need to review and  to take back the control and sort out what is really needling me. I've let it float all over in my head and so now it is settling.  Thankfully when I went back a week later, it had improved significantly.

Time and time again I need to remind myself that I have come a long long way and I am not alone.

I would like to rewrite here a comment I had left on Tracy's blog. - 'Abundant Living' the Post: Was That You   6 Sep on how God guides....
When I look back this is what I know. For a long while, because I was not listening I guided my destiny until that point when I realized I had botched it up by myself and from then I began to pray while waiting to hear from God.  
Perhaps God has been speaking to me all the while, but I never heeded nor was I truly aware in faith until that turning point.

But from that point of awareness, I did the proverbial asking and asking with faith but over a period of time just as I was running out of hope, I realized that along that way I had learnt and grown in strength that mattered for me to take the next steps that HE was leading me to. 
He had been teaching me and listening to me and somewhere along the way I had been listening to him too.
If God is in your heart, he will guide your destiny. Today more than ever I believe that it is the Lord leading me.