Oct 19, 2010

Emotional recoil ...

"It is the emotional recoil that kills you, the shock of stepping off the track of a conventional lifestyle and losing all the embracing comforts that keep so many people on that track forever. To create a family with a spouse is one of the most fundamental ways a person can find continuity and meaning in society."

Elizabeth Gilbert describes the feeling quite succinctly on why divorce feels like an upheaval. While on the one hand she has hit the nail on the head for most cases, in my case, there is no shock really as I have been moving off the track for a long while now. Ironically, I will finally have continuity.  
It is a derailment of a different sort. My (overly) concern is for the shock of others in my mostly normal conventional family circle and how they might think of it and of me. Do I tell them, the whole sordid tale ?

I constantly tell my kids, stop worrying about what others think, if you are confident that it is right, then it is. What others think will not matter at your finish line.
It’s easier to preach than practice.

4 comments:

  1. haha you read that book too, I can't wait to see the movie. I can understand how it is, the feeling of others watching you... saying things about you. I did not care much for myself, but what others might think of Sage being from divorced parents. I was worried of how it would affect Sage. but I am glad he is coping better than I. Bless you and kids.

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  2. I don't think you need to share all the details unless you want to. Some people will ask "what happened" out of genuine concern; others will ask out of morbid curiosity. "It just didn't work out," should suffice for those that you don't want to re-live it all. But with those that really want to be there for you, it might help you to tell your story and start working through it.
    It's a long, hard road, but plenty of us have gotten through it. You will, too.

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  3. Hi Gaia and April, thank you for sharing and the advice.
    I recently met an old classmate and found it hard to talk about it as understanding as she was.
    I never thought I'd have trouble working through this. the aftermath, I thought the road behind me was the long(er) and hard(er) one.
    But yes, we will survive.
    Bless you both.

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  4. the journey is so painful at times and yes it's easier to say to someone else what we need for ourselves than to actually do it ourselves. Maybe when we tell others...we're in some way telling ourselves...reminding us what we need. Be gentle with you okay....

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