Just thinking .............

I wrote Keep It Together more than a year ago and as I re-read it I think to myself 'thank God that I have'.

There has been little fair play on the X's part, creating storms of paranoia blowing hot and cold and I have weathered them all thus far. Will he continue? I'll have to wait and see.

Faith has grown deep and my prayer is no longer a wail.  And as I wait the final day I feel a sense of sorrow, not panic (not yet) over all that has gone, all that has been invested, these past 20 years.
There is a change in the children too, a kind of strength that is mature and yet sometimes falters.
But it is more present than it used to be.

Time does heal all wounds in time or at least eases the pain.

What does it really mean for them, is still hard to define.
I wait to move forward.

Time to do and think

It's the Chinese New Year holiday, and while I am not Chinese, I enjoy these holidays because it's the only time when it's a two days public holiday and this year it means a good long 4 day weekend.

I get one day to relax, the last day that is and the rest of it to spend with the kids and the family. At the back of my mind, I am consciously counting the days (7..) to the final court day.

I'm keeping myself busy, planning my son's birthday that's coming up next week and occupying myself and them with extra language exercises that they need. The boys unfortunately have a hard time getting into reading books of any kind. They've both got two years to prepare for major exams one for PSLE(to secondary) and one for the O levels. I'm trying out other methods to boost their vocabulary if  I can't force the reading. 

An interesting nugget from M Scott Peck's "Road Less Travelled'  -
Love is not simply giving; it is judicious giving and judicious withholding as well. I it judicious praising and judicious criticizing. It is judicious arguing, struggling, confronting, urging, pushing and pulling in addition to comforting..................requires thoughtful and often painful decisionmaking.

Loving my daughter the best way I know how...

The new year has brought with it changes and new experiences and more to come.

I have been nudging my teenage girl to venture out on her own as in getting out into the world of adults and interacting whether it be voluntary work with the SPCA or getting a part time job during the academic breaks.  Relevant experience ? Well that's a side benefit but more importantly is the experience of responsibility, interaction and of the unknown  that is non-academic and non-familial. 

Sometimes I think it's easy to fall into lethargy,  Finally she's started to get into it and getting at it.

Not quite an introvert yet not an extrovert either, I feel she needs to push her boundaries and get out of her very comfortable zones She needs to less fearful of trying, sometimes I think she needs to live a little more than she is compared with other teenagers. 
Is it a consequence of her nature or a consequence of the family situation that has unfolded, I honestly cannot say,  but I do want the best for her and she needs to take those steps for herself. 

If there is the opportunity for her to go further away to study, she'll need that experience and some courage for independence.
I suppose I'm trying to ensure she will not have some of the regrets I have over how I lived or was allowed to live my younger years.