Feeling wobbly

'rough waters'

Now and then the old fears leap back into my heart and the old thoughts sneak in.  It's like this whenever he returns. I am still waiting for the next stone to be thrown. It seems safe and then I begin to wonder about his plotting.
I have not written in my first blog (of painful memories) for a while since December, but today I had to add to it because those chapters are not quite closed.

The children are safe, he can't hurt them anymore (he's cunning so he will control his anger); but are they safe from his mind games ?.

I know there is no way for him to win them, they still remember too much.
I have been through that thought process and I know that I will not loose them even if he tries to buy their hearts. And yet I can't shake it completely.

If you have read  or followed  my story you might be able to understand what I feel at the moment otherwise it 's probably really abstract. It's been more than year since I took that first step to restrain. It was for the kids (tiny steps forward ). Should I have done more for myself, could I ?

Ironically, the only way to become less afraid and do away with it altogether, is to stop thinking about that and think about the worst case scenario and what that means. Once I deal with that, I will be able to move forward from that old fear.

Take charge, . .I climb a little and then seem to slide back some..

It's What You Make of It: Take Charge!

'Life is what you make of it'... written by Amy a guest writer on ourmommyhood.com

.. great advice and wonderful encouragement to be the person you are.

Leaning on your Child ?

(My encounter with a friend’s child raised many questions, she’s a single mom with 2 kids.)

Is it right to look to your child (who has not reached twenty) for emotional support even if you think he or she is capable of it ?
Is it right to make him/her feel obligated in that role at so early an age.

How much responsibility is too much for a child? Is it maturity or a child’s ‘over-sense’ to take care of mum. She says ‘I should’ not ‘I want’.

What does it strangle in childhood development?

Does she hold back her emotions because of this role? (I suppose she does if she decided to open up to me, I meet them irregularly 2-3 mths once.)

Are they afraid to upset mom?

My friend has always interacted with her children in a ‘whiny’ sort of way, in a adult to adult manner and not so much as child and mother, they always do things together, she always gets the older girl to help her do things, is how I would describe it, ….is my friend clingy .. I’m not there to observe all that .

I broached the subject with my friend as delicately as a friend can, but she sort of brushed it aside ‘don’t worry, my child tells me everything’.

Does she?
I will stay in touch with the older girl and let her mum use my ears more.

It set me thinking of course, do I lean on my child’s shoulder ? I don’t think we should do that, do you ?
Do any of my kids think that ?