Don't mind my age, it's the new 30 I'm told !!

Yesterday was my special day. (I'm acknowledging it, I'm wiser)
My middle child woke me up with a wide smile to wish me. He wanted to be the first.
That made my day. Started well, ended well with the family

Birthdays can be fun if you don’t think about the age 'bit'. I had an earlier celebration with a few friends to cover two of us who were celebrating. This year a friend suggested a rather unique idea to spend time together. We usually meet for dinner after work but instead of just dinner, we spent a half day together at one of their homes, learning to bake cake (most of us were just waiting to eat it) and going through our favourite craft- card crafts and rubber stamps(we get to mess up someone elses' study [kidding.. hope she's not reading this].
It was relaxing and wonderful because it was a time we spent being ourselves. We didn’t speak of work just the things we enjoyed and happily stuffed ourselves (diet tomorrow).

Don't know who said this but I like it.. 'Age is a matter of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it don't matter'.

Happy Birthday to all you mothers who have birthdays in August.


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I need a break, but from what ?

I dont't know, and yet I know (u know what I mean??)
Lately I have been preoccupied with talk of the four seasons. Started from my earlier post, 'It must be wonderful', http://mothersalways.blogspot.com/2009/08/it-must-be-wonderful.html.. must be to do with a restlessness for change of scenery...and moving my thoughts away from my never-ending to-do-list.
We have but the monsoons, - sun and rain, let's not forget the moon.

Have been looking at photos, some of the blogs with beautiful pix and paintings by artists of old.
So serene, calm, colourful or just white. Some paintings look like the artist had a special secret when he or she painted the scene.
Is there art(not the photographic type) on typhoons or hurricanes?
Devastation we know, we hear, perhaps we do not want to or need to see.

Perhaps I just need a break.
The month of August is an eventful month, that's probably it, like getting older (ughh!)


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Miracle (Project Kyrie)

I am posting this on behalf of Project Kyrie - a modern day miracle event - a project for the poor. No major publicity but through emails and sms.

Kyrie Kitchen was launched on 6 August 2009!
------------------------------------------------------------
Dear frens,
God has blessed Kyrie Kitchen with abundance and mercy!
We wish to thank all friends of Project Kyrie for responding with boundless generosity!
Everything we needed for the launch, we have received to the finest detail.
Because of you, we are able to launch Kyrie Kitchen to serve the poor and the hungry today. This is indeed a concerted effort of Project Kyrie’s community of friends. A solidarity of love, care and concern for the poor who live amongst us.
On behalf of the poor...
1) Thank you so much for providing the resources and equipment to set up the kitchen in just a few days. 2) Thank you for your monthly pledges of rice, chicken, vegetable, pepper, salt, sauces, peas, fruits and other food items. Every bag of rice, every plate of food served will go a long way in helping the poor.
3) Thank you for contributing to other ingredients for which we had to buy. 4) Thank you for volunteering to prepare, cook, pack, drive and distribute the food. 5) Thank you to restaurants and individuals for adding more meals to our effort so that we will not need to turn away the hungry. 6) Thank you to all, for taking time and effort to contact your network of friends to join in this mission.This is the vision of Project Kyrie coming alive. 7) Thank you also to friends for collaborating with us to distribute used clothes and brand new Croc s sandals.
And.... How does 200 hot meals become 1700 meals within a week?
My 73 year old mother stepped up and said ‘yes’ to feeding the poor and the hungry.
Her desire and courage was only for 200 packs of hot meals twice a month.
A tidal wave of kindness for the poor have swept through this project. Before my mother cooks her 1st hot meal today, we have received monthly pledges from restaurants and individuals to provide vegetable curries and nasi lemak.
A total of 500 extra meals. 200 + 500 = 700 hot meals
One of the locations, we will be serving tomorrow is the blue star dormitory, where 5000 low-waged and under privileged foreign immigrants are living.
Usually many will be turned away hungry when the hot meals run out. A kind and wonderful donor has stepped up to provide 1000 packets of Maggie noodles meal, every time we distribute food for the poor for a year. These would be given to sustain the hungry who would otherwise be turned away without food. So that’s a total of 700 + 1000 = 1700 meals!
\o/\o/\o/ Praise God! He has multiplied our 5 loaves and 2 fishes! He is indeed a God of love, mercy and faithfulness! Last but not least, we need your continuous support to allow this mission to grow and continue in the years to come.
- From Mill Singapore

To Be (Insane) or Not to Be (Sane)

A while back, I decided I would read one of Paulo Coelho's books. Call me prejudiced, but I have a preference for reading books by women rather than men. It's more about the style and thought processes. There is a certain directness in men's writing which is fine depending on the type of novel. For some stories I like to linger and for some I can't wait to know how it ends.

I also must tell you, I hate sad endings but for some strange reason I picked 'Veronika Decides To Die'. The story takes place in Slovenia, did you know it used to be Yugoslavia?

I found it extremely thought-provoking, not sad. It's a very good read, unique in the telling and how it unfolds. It's a little contrary, but there is much about human nature I can identify with.
For those of you who, like me, prefer happy endings, you'll be glad to hear she didn't die in the end.

It's about Veronika, a young girl who wanted to die, she attempted it but failed. She then finds herself in a mental asylum, and again waits to die because that's how she has been diagnosed.
What's intriguing is her journey of discovery; discoveries about herself, her inner experience in the asylum, with other inmates, about the subject of sanity and insanity. While in the asylum she sets herself free and lets go of her inhibitions because as she says " I'm crazy, I'm allowed to do this. I can hate, I can pound away at the piano. Since when have mental patients known how to play notes in the right order?'

Many instances in the story allude to the fact that we would like to behave in some manner that would be considered insane but because of society's expectations we are not free to do so. For Veronika 'she expended most of her energy in trying to behave in accordance with the image she had created for herself'.'

Among the characters, a number of inmates were not-truly-insane, but they were there because 'they looked for the easiest way out; a separate reality'; and remained there for different reasons of security, normalcy and freedom . They are rational enough to say to the nurses " This is a mental hospital. No one is obliged to behave the way you do'. Because of Veronika, the not-truly-insane start to re look at their lives and now think that it is time leave the asylum. One of them, who is released feels she will be better off now in the outside world because she has the license to speak freely, since people know she was in the asylum previously.

As for Veronika, having made discoveries and experiences for herself, she purged her baggage. But, because she believed she only had a few days, Veronika now wished to live.

I have been thinking about it, to pick another of Paulo's books, I hope it will be just as appealing.

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It must be Wonderful

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Need to have, Nice to have, Must have

Ever notice how you start off with the basic handphone for your kids because you need them to stay in touch with you. Then it becomes, ‘mum, all my friends can play music on their phones’, so then you ‘upgrade’ when the contract is up(refuse to give in sooner) so they can be on par with ‘all’ their friends.
Our ‘nice to have’ is their ‘must have’. I realize of course there’s a fair amount of exaggeration there when ‘all’ their friends and ‘everyone’ has this or that.

We are not much different (although more controlled) but perhaps for different reasons.
My mobile phone is sufficient I told myself, calls and camera feature was all I needed. Don’t waste money upgrading.
Then it began, ..the latest Nokia series with office functions and web browsing, I said no, don’t need that. – not so compact, keyboard so tiny,
Then my colleagues got it, and ‘showed’ me how wonderful it is. Suddenly I’m thinking, maybe I should take advantage(of the discounts) and upgrade my phone. Yes.. I could put Excel sheets on it, perhaps I could do away with my PDA and do all in one. We start to look for reasons and manufacture more to do the deed (! the evil laugh should sound here).

We all have diversions, routines, little hobbies but then life should be about constant movement and learning so that we continue to live, not just exist.
It’s not about dissatisfaction or keeping up with your neighbour.
Once in a while, we need it - a new ‘event’. The new tech stuff keeps us moving, that new earring gives us anticipation, new recipes keeps us interested - the novelty keeps us going. It doesn’t always have to cost money. We can’t all afford to take regular vacations.

Thank heaven for the little things we can. Because not everyone is lucky to have choices.

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My Teenager

Little by little, I watch her inch out of the circle. Their friends and their outings grow more appealing than together time with the younger siblings.
But of course if it's shopping, there's nothing like time with mom if that teenager is a girl.
What generation gap, it' s the wallet gap lah!!

You want them to be independent yet, want to protect them forever, and keep them at your side. You can only hope that the foundation's sturdy, the bridge holds.. that that communication connection you've built, will be constant despite all else. Being mom means being their always no matter what, hope she will trust with all things. She's seen more and heard more than I did at this age, is she wiser? That's hard to say, because from all that exposure, there is much information and more expression to discern and sort.

Fortunately and unfortunately, we mothers of the young generation today are a different breed from our own mothers, because of our evolved lives, we are somehow still 'younger at heart', involved in both the complex webs of our own lives and children's. Events and interests overlap in many areas so much so that non-interaction is quite impossible; constrained only by the time we are at work and they in school. We help them with maths, they teach us Xbox.

Study is always tough work..but she is strong and manages to push herself along.
She can be protective of her brothers but she is still capable of getting into a cat and dog fight with the youngest fellow.

I'm not in a hurry for her to 'grow up' yet but it seems like girls just do that faster anyhow.

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...don't like this...

Gaia(Journeyofasinglemum) wrote this question in her post 'How do I not disappoint?'
Ever since I read it, I've been thinking about it(like a bee flitting in and out) - as in have I disappointed my children?

I'm thinking do the kids understand the concept? Perhaps not the younger one.
What do they expect of me ?
Do I want to pose the question or ferret it out of from daily dealings ?
Would I want to hear the answer?

I suppose like all things we should be aware of to improve their lives. It might not improve mine!

But do I want to know?

Not today.



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Inner Struggles

I walked once with shoulders down
My head up in the haze.
My thoughts not on home
but on work, in hollow cheer.
Burdened yet unfazed
I hid there,
it was easier.

I looked at my children.
I saw.
The pain,
it started to seep in.
They too hid
in school and at home.
I prayed for the cure,
that pain would go away.
How much more to endure?

The stress,
instead it grew, more not less,
desperation and despair.
When would change come?
Pain then anger.
Anger to energy, it moved me.
Why did I linger?

The silence from within,
overflowed.
My head felt, my heart heard,
all that was hidden.
Why did we abide?
Hope, compassion…
don’t be foolish, think of them,
put it aside.

I will be brave,
I will not fear,
Grant me strength
to persevere.

(HA –June 2009)




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...like this...

"If I had to summarize their* message ..- it is that we are all stuck together in the moment of history, and the most appropriate response to each other is compassion and a sharing of laughter. After all we don't really have a clue as to what is going on here, if anything, and most likely we aren't really in charge of very much of it anyway, and in the end the joke seems to be on all of us. Knowing that, we can relax a little and dispense with any blame. So far, as human beings, our greatest gifts, aside from the ability to make good painkillers, are our feelings of love and sense of humor."

in short... live life, don't dwell too much on it about it !

Quote from Wes 'Scoop' Nisker (2001)- 'The Essential Crazy Wisdom' .. it's a real crazy read.. as books go..

*['their' refer to the sages, scientists, fools, early philosophers, genius., wise men, presidents...]

My Child

Be my child,
be happy.
Be at peace,
be spontaneous.
Be bold,
try it,
speak,
take a chance.
See with eyes,
hear with ears
ever clear.
Be open to wonders
around us.
Open minds,
trusting hearts,
always dear.
Believe in you.
Say yes
I can!
Be merry.
Always mine.

- HA (2009)

I'm human

speaking of re-booting.... there are times when I would like a total re-format and be someone else.

Solar Eclipse

Wed 22 Jul 09 the sighting of the longest Solar Eclipse for the 21st century. It will happen here around 9am.
Certainly a day for milestones.

My Mother in my Life

I grew up in an era where children were left much to themselves except of course if you weren't bringing back a report card that was full of red marks. The good old days of handwritten report cards blue = good, red = bad. And of course found our own entertainment - no gameboys or home pc.

There was my father of course he was ok as far as fathers were then. I was a girl, I didn't expect much from him but he didn't expect any less from me than he expected of my brother.

My mother was typical in many ways but not as well informed as I wish she had been for my sake then. I believe she has been more influential in my life in many small ways that mattered right up to my Uni years even. When I say little things, I mean little things like hair conditioner and casual clothes and hair accessories and hair style... no I don't mean expensive stuff, just the basics. Because of the lack of them, I was always self conscious around the other teenagers, my shorts were outdated, my hair was never allowed to be free and if they were tied up, it was in ribbons. Besides, it was sort of untamed(cos no conditioner).

Trying to fit in was terrible, I couldn't, I was uncomfortable. Which meant that I grew without really having tried to be me. Somehow I was always trying to be someone else that ... should have been this and should that. Enough of the self-psych and whining.. I did eventually do that on my own terms, to who cares what anybody thinks.

I don't blame her for the ignorance, that was just the way of life and her path and that was life.

But I learn from her 'mistakes'.
She sacrificed for me by giving up work. Those days nannies could not be trusted. My folks came home one day to discover my brother and me, on our own, no food, no nanny (not that my bro and I were complaining, we knew not what we missed).
My mum is very much an introverted person, so that didn't help. She closed herself in, in a way. And when that happened, her life reduced her circle of friends. The consequences - less extrovert activity, less external social networking, less movement and one ages faster and falls sick more often. She does not dare go out on her own any longer.

When I am with her now, that's what I remember. Her sacrifice. She could be a different person if she had not.

So...

Anything you do or say will have an effect on your child, no matter how insignificant.

Taking note of the people (living and gone) around us, we should try to keep active in mind and body as long as we can. Retire yes (if you can), but not in mind and body!

Breathe

In her book 'Creating a Charmed Life' by Victoria Moran, there is much wise wisdom if we but consider the various steps. One of the chapters that struck me was 'Breathe'. Don't we do that as a normal part of life?

Ah.. but therein lies a path to well-being. By taking a deliberate conscious control of the act of breathing in different situations or even as a start to the day we get our minds in the right mode to steady ourselves.

This is more than just meditation. Unfortunately I forget more often than I remember in my eagerness to get on with living and yet living would be so much easier with starting on the right breath. Sometimes we need to re-learn new ways to live well.

It's like a prayer in a way, give it up to HIM, before we begin anything.

Two steps are always better than one, one for the physical and one for the soul.

Friends

I have friends on 2 planes. The soul and the skin.

The soul, who know a lot more than even our parents or siblings are aware. We rant, complain, whine , we can laugh and cry on each's shoulder. And we keep each other's secrets.

The skin, our personal lives are mostly personal, no heady stuff except about our kids, school, our work lives, colleagues we 'can't stand' and our interests. We poke fun at each other, no hard feelings and when we laugh, we laugh and laugh. It feels very good.

It's like we want to be away from it all and just be us.

It's not superficial, it's just not more than we want to handle. leave the serious stuff to real life.

Thank God for all of them

The friend of my adversity I shall always cherish most.

I can better trust those who helped to relieve the gloom

of my dark hours than those who are so ready

to enjoy with me the sunshine of my prosperity

.

-Ulysses S Grant

Create some heaven NOW.

I wrote these down as I sorted through chaos and somehow the words connect .. by these authors and spokesman:

Courage is sometimes frail as hope is frail: a fragile shoot between two stones that grows brave toward the sun though warmth and brightness fail, striving and faith the only strength it knows. -Frances Rodman.

Sometimes it's easy to advise someone else to have courage. But when it comes to ourselves, it's tough. Fear of the unknown. Mostly it's easier to keep hoping. Hoping for change, hoping for better days that will stay that way. And therein lies the constant worry that makes me tired.
Hope, deceitful as it is, serves at least to lead us to the end of life along an agreeable road.
- La Rochefoucauld, unfortunately not agreeable to everyone.

And...

Worry is a form of fear, and all forms of fear produce fatigue. A man who has learned not to feel fear will find the fatigue of daily life enormously diminished - Bertrand Arthur William Russell

So true.

Aristotle said 'No one loves the man whom he fears.' Definitely

My last entry by Friedrich Nietzsche
Everyone who has ever built anywhere a "new heaven" first found the power thereto in his own hell.

Time for change.
My friends help with strength to move.
Right thing to do. Will it come out right?

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us. - Alexander Graham Bell

I hope that is how it works out.

Why didn't we hear the words before ?

This is life, it's always in hindsight we see..

Beautiful words ...

There's a place in your heart And I know that it is love
And this place could be much Brighter than tomorrow.
And if you really try You'll find there's no need to cry
In this place you'll feel There's no hurt or sorrow.
There are ways to get there
If you care enough for the living
Make a little space, make a better place.

Heal the world Make it a better place
For you and for me and the entire human race
There are people dying
If you care enough for the living
Make a better place for You and for me.

If you want to know why
There's a love that cannot lie
Love is strong It only cares for joyful giving.
If we try we shall see In this bliss we cannot feel Fear or dread
We stop existing and start living
Then it feels that always Love's enough for us growing
Make a better world, make a better world.

And the dream we would conceived in
Will reveal a joyful face
And the world we once believed in
Will shine again in grace
Then why do we keep strangling life
Wound this earth, crucify it's soul
Though it's plain to see, this world is heavenly Be God's glow.
We could fly so high
Let our spirits never die
In my heart I feel You are all my brothers
Create a world with no fear
Together we'll cry happy tears
See the nations turn Their swords into plowshares
We could really get there
If you cared enough for the living
Make a little space to make a better place.

- MJ 'Heal The World'

Life

It's Friday. Sometimes I envy the singles and the kid-less.

What do they do with all that time?

Kids have cca, eca, homework and tution homework and extra work.. unlike yesteryears where our parents were least involved in these activities and life moved on automatically, today a maths problem sum can hold up the rest of the load without us.

Have you seen a P5/P6 problem sum? Amazing waters are being charted by us.

I look forward to the weekend. !

The Brighter side of Life

When life throw's you a curve, don't panic. It means your life is not boring.
Stay cool don't get excited. When you get to my life, that would only represent a single drop of rain.
But if life keeps you on that curve, then panic !