Family - the Most Beautiful Tree you can have but the Hardest Seed to Grow.

There’s a concern that there are not enough marriages and not enough children being produced. The government produced commercials for the awareness of family (touching on the filial issue, companionship). Are the people that produced the campaign shining examples, how many children do they have ?.
You have to walk the talk on this topic, to be able to genuinely communicate this.
Will incentives produce the right fruit? What do the campaigns do? It is not a new concept, it‘s not a travel destination – it s a lifetime commitment..

There’s lots of talk of work-life balance (plus family) but is there action? Who is expected to act? The mother, the father, the gov’t or the employer? 10 days leave, exams, CA. well, there’s only 24 hours in a day, and even if we don’t need sleep, the kids need at least 10 hours.. Talk is cheap, living is costly (unless you’re willing to forgo some of the ‘living’ .. now there’s the irony ). Quality ? Let’s not go there.

There’s much more to ‘living’ today than yesterday and that is likely the main issue.
Cost of living today is not equal to yesteryears.
Young people want to live well and enjoy life. What does having a family entail giving up ? – A lot. Teaching them not be selfish is one thing, but teaching selflessness, that’s another thing that today’s distracting world makes more difficult.

Is there quality family time to savour today? The perceived future of young persons will mirror their past and will be summed up in order of proportion as labour, cost, entertainment/leisure and a small portion to whatever- is- family.
Examples, experiences and expectations of modern society and family provide other hindrances to both young men and women alike.
{The father owns the ‘family’ car, his time is more his own; a mother does not seem to have that ‘luxury’. Dad works so hard, doesn’t get to enjoy much?] It doesn’t help to hear their parents explain limitations due to financial obligations and sacrifices.

You can tell by rising teenage and unwanted pregnancies; stories of family basics(issue of filial piety) gone wrong that family commitment even for todays’ 2nd generation parent is a challenge. Of course, there is the root of evils - money, be it cause or consequence.
You could turn it into a religious or moral issue here – purpose of life, vocation , higher calling etc.
We know it’s tough, are they capable of what’s required. It’s not about planning and plotting.

Wanting a family involves selflessness, it is about desire for constant companionship, a home and a desire for children. It’s about feeling whole. How do you force warmth or love?
Possibly most can understand this, but then having a family is a big question of readiness.

Sure, you can help the process of meeting for those who desire that path in life. But pushing for kids is an entirely different matter.

The ideal campaign ground is within the family of today.
So aptly put by the Minister – you ‘can’t legislate love’.

http://groups.google.com/group/mothers-always

Don't mind my age, it's the new 30 I'm told !!

Yesterday was my special day. (I'm acknowledging it, I'm wiser)
My middle child woke me up with a wide smile to wish me. He wanted to be the first.
That made my day. Started well, ended well with the family

Birthdays can be fun if you don’t think about the age 'bit'. I had an earlier celebration with a few friends to cover two of us who were celebrating. This year a friend suggested a rather unique idea to spend time together. We usually meet for dinner after work but instead of just dinner, we spent a half day together at one of their homes, learning to bake cake (most of us were just waiting to eat it) and going through our favourite craft- card crafts and rubber stamps(we get to mess up someone elses' study [kidding.. hope she's not reading this].
It was relaxing and wonderful because it was a time we spent being ourselves. We didn’t speak of work just the things we enjoyed and happily stuffed ourselves (diet tomorrow).

Don't know who said this but I like it.. 'Age is a matter of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it don't matter'.

Happy Birthday to all you mothers who have birthdays in August.


http://groups.google.com/group/mothers-always

My Teenager

Little by little, I watch her inch out of the circle. Their friends and their outings grow more appealing than together time with the younger siblings.
But of course if it's shopping, there's nothing like time with mom if that teenager is a girl.
What generation gap, it' s the wallet gap lah!!

You want them to be independent yet, want to protect them forever, and keep them at your side. You can only hope that the foundation's sturdy, the bridge holds.. that that communication connection you've built, will be constant despite all else. Being mom means being their always no matter what, hope she will trust with all things. She's seen more and heard more than I did at this age, is she wiser? That's hard to say, because from all that exposure, there is much information and more expression to discern and sort.

Fortunately and unfortunately, we mothers of the young generation today are a different breed from our own mothers, because of our evolved lives, we are somehow still 'younger at heart', involved in both the complex webs of our own lives and children's. Events and interests overlap in many areas so much so that non-interaction is quite impossible; constrained only by the time we are at work and they in school. We help them with maths, they teach us Xbox.

Study is always tough work..but she is strong and manages to push herself along.
She can be protective of her brothers but she is still capable of getting into a cat and dog fight with the youngest fellow.

I'm not in a hurry for her to 'grow up' yet but it seems like girls just do that faster anyhow.

http://groups.google.com/group/mothers-always

Alone

...we have to let go sometime and sometimes we just cannot be beside them...


http://groups.google.com/group/mothers-always

A Day in the Life - trying too Hard

Some days I feel like two different persons.

The sane rational one in the office and dysfunctional in the home.
It's on days when I am so tired from work and would like nothing more but to shower and sleep right away.

Child3 and child2 have been arguing and fighting - so the judge (mom) has to preside. Imagine you are dying for some peace and quiet, both the boys insist on having their say first - at the same time. I can't think straight for all the noise and I just stare at the both of them. I let them go at it for about 15 min. Then asked 'are you both done' , they said 'yes'. I said 'good, that's settled', left them open-mouthed and went to take a shower.

The second matter, Child2 hasn't apologised to his older sister - that's a backlog, have to address it today. I thought I can't put it off or he'll think I forgot about it and he'll forget about it too. I take him aside to talk. After a while, he says he's thinking about it. I decide to leave it, that is more than I expected, I will bug him tomorrow when I'm clearer. But then, he turns around and asks me about the earlier situation, 'what about it' I ask, He asks me, 'aren't you going to do anything'. I ask 'why, did you do something wrong' , he says 'well I did snatch the toy from him'.
And I think .. Wow! I didn't have to say anything at all and there it was - the unblemished truth!

So, I don't have to try too hard all the time, enlightenment, understanding emerges somehow, TIME is all he needed (he was moved by my lack of response).
But then we know, the formula is rarely the same each time.

The oldest thankfully was out like a light ..too tired - thank God for small mercies, ...I could hit the sack, duties done!


http://groups.google.com/group/mothers-always

Middle Child ?

How does one get through a closed door? How long does one keep knocking?
How do you get him to try when he says he can't.? He's 12.

Sometimes I think it is hopeless, I want to give up and just let him wallow in negativity and find his own way out. Just shakes his head, 'cannot'... 'give up'... 'no use' .. 'nothing can help me'.

When did he start to get this way? Only a major episode (like an earthquake) I believe can move this child and shake his thoughts up. He just refuses to hear. If a stranger counseled him how long would it last..

??? please any words of advise .

My Child

Be my child,
be happy.
Be at peace,
be spontaneous.
Be bold,
try it,
speak,
take a chance.
See with eyes,
hear with ears
ever clear.
Be open to wonders
around us.
Open minds,
trusting hearts,
always dear.
Believe in you.
Say yes
I can!
Be merry.
Always mine.

- HA (2009)

The Choice to Make

Bringing up kids to be confident is hard work. I talked about my middle child earlier. Inspite of his constant pessimism and attempts to push me away, I keep telling him I love him anyway because I just do. He comes around eventually when it sinks in but also forgets soon enough. .. I just have to keep knocking at his door.

This brings to mind the line - ‘We do not have to love. We choose to love’. .. .this is a good place to share where it came from.
I spent the morning hunting for the book, there were many good examples in there, I recall about relationships and how to love. In dealing with kids, we need to consciously think and act positively to the child’s advantage in any given situation (especially in the bad) and build on the circumstance for their growth rather than react. Evaluate, look for the positive.. let the child learn...

Stephen R Covey’s book (7 Habits of Highly Effective Families) puts it very simply that the difference between us and the animals is that, we are capable of placing a ‘pause’ between stimulus and response. We are capable of pro-active behaviour because we have 4 gifts to use during the ‘pause’ to help our response to another human being; these being self-awareness, conscience, imagination, and independent will.

The quote is by the writer M Scott Peck who said
“The desire to love is not itself love….Love is an act of will …. Namely an intention and action. Will also implies choice. We do not have to love. We choose to love. No matter how much we may think we are loving, if we are in fact not loving, it is because we have chosen not to love and therefore not love despite our good intentions. On the other hand, whenever we do actually exert ourselves in the cause of spiritual growth, it is because we have chosen to do so. The choice to love has been made.”

Keep at it!

Emotions, right or wrong.

Children and emotions? Each child is different in how he deals with them and age is really not a factor.

I can tell when they are upset but seldom do they let it all out. It's easy enough to rationalise it for them when it is about 'normal' child behaviour.

But what happens if it's anger, when you yourself can't rationalise it because you know they are justified. How do you teach not to hate but be forgiving. Forgetting comes easy for kids but so is remembering.

The right thing to say and the honest thing to say are sometimes not one and the same. I can calm them with words, a hug and hope but it's not enough, I don't think even the child is convinced. If it comes from the deepest part of your heart, they know it and if it's not they sense it.

With the older child I think she is able to discern the wrong and the right in the discussion of it, but with the younger kids I don't want to go there yet. It's easier to teach the positive than the negative but still it is something that must be discussed when they are older. Not being totally convinced only leaves it behind in their memory as unfinished business that's temporarily shelved. Like all residues, (remnant of bad memories) it will need fixing or clearing but at the right time.