Moderating my nature

In July 2009, I started my first post, I look at it now as the warm up to the most difficult phase in my life.

This blog helped me along the way, I see that. Hindsight etc etc.

When I read back there are times I don't recognise that me. When I think back I don't believe that was me (mild meek me) doing what I had to do.

I am learning to distinquish what is nature in me and what was nurtured by my hectic advertising life. Learning to unlearn is not so easy because whatever it is, you still have to make time to unlearn. Learning to breath slowly is not as easy as it seems when you think you have left the stressful job behind.

An example - I started to cook and then it became like a ritual with a schedule which I forced on myself.  I had reasons to do it sure, I do enjoy it but it was that schedule and in my mind it became a "should do".  So now I have to stop that way of thinking or I would not be able to relax into a comfortable motion of life.

 

Suddenly I find I don't have enough time to rest because I want to do cooking or cardcrafting or walk the dog ot marketing or catch my favourite TV programme (even though I can record it). I am not there yet, at a point of doing things comfortably in my time and being relaxed in my head. Am I making sense ?

When I was working- that sucked all the time and energy, I was on a constant treadmill, and life outside was a secondary priority. So that's the way my nature goes, I need to engage my head and move out of the trench I appear to dig deeper the more time I spend on it.