Jul 22, 2010

Leaning on your Child ?

(My encounter with a friend’s child raised many questions, she’s a single mom with 2 kids.)

Is it right to look to your child (who has not reached twenty) for emotional support even if you think he or she is capable of it ?
Is it right to make him/her feel obligated in that role at so early an age.

How much responsibility is too much for a child? Is it maturity or a child’s ‘over-sense’ to take care of mum. She says ‘I should’ not ‘I want’.

What does it strangle in childhood development?

Does she hold back her emotions because of this role? (I suppose she does if she decided to open up to me, I meet them irregularly 2-3 mths once.)

Are they afraid to upset mom?

My friend has always interacted with her children in a ‘whiny’ sort of way, in a adult to adult manner and not so much as child and mother, they always do things together, she always gets the older girl to help her do things, is how I would describe it, ….is my friend clingy .. I’m not there to observe all that .

I broached the subject with my friend as delicately as a friend can, but she sort of brushed it aside ‘don’t worry, my child tells me everything’.

Does she?
I will stay in touch with the older girl and let her mum use my ears more.

It set me thinking of course, do I lean on my child’s shoulder ? I don’t think we should do that, do you ?
Do any of my kids think that ?

Jul 19, 2010

Slow healing - my own way

Is there a formula for healing? I think not. 
The steps are different each time for everyone.

'Pray always, ask God for guidance and peace'...
Sage advice, yes, I kept up the prayer and I followed the bible passages but I realised 'I am not thinking further or moving '. They gave me comfort and calm and they helped me accomplish that first phase but now I'm not sure to where or what I need, to move forward, the answers are not forthcoming. 

Perhaps the answers or the inspiration to move on are not to be found there now but has to come from elsewhere, from myself, or from the kids or from an action or experience.

There is still cause for anxiety, but I'm no longer frozen, it's been a year, I need to work the emotional and the self independence, push on, stop waiting for the unknown.  

I'm not saying I've cut off my faith or anything like that, just that faith now has a different role to play.
God still has a place but not as my crutch. 

Jul 15, 2010

Where have I been ?

I 've been nowhere in particular, just missing in action on this front. 

Been thinking about the me as a mother. What should I do or what do I need to do ?.

It comes down to what I need to do for me before I can take care of the what I should do for the kids.

If you are a lone parent, you might understand what I am saying. 

I'm sorry for not visiting many of you lately, but I will come.

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