JBR's post My guitar- cries with me touched a chord in me. It reminded me of my mother and thoughts on my motherhood. I pray that JBR's mother will stop being a destructive force in her life.In my post (eons ago) I mentioned My Mother. I won't go into specific details but there have been sore points through the first 25 years that negatively affected me.
Mothers can be tactless, they can say the wrong things and not say the right things not because of any intention to hurt but because they didn't know better. For me, I believe she did not know better.
But I am reminded too that I am a mother. We have more reasons today to be perfect, we are/should be more aware of what to say, what not to say (to compare), when to say and how to do things with our kids; the 'right way' , the 'better way' - because we are more exposed, better informed and probably better educated, with way more motivations. But alas we overlook, get tired, are slow, work too fast, try too hard, can't be everywhere, can't cover all the bases, we expect more of ourselves - and then we chide ourselves for our imperfections. Yes I am.
Ah, but then the difference today, is that kids are more vocal, more open, more exposed (not that they are more aware than we were,) they expect(demand) more of us and they are less likely to be silent about it and that is where it can hurt more. So we are both empowered, can I say we're even now.
It's funny as a child, I feel/felt it my responsibility not to hurt my parents in any way. And now as a mother, I suppose I expect the same. But I'm not sure, does this generation of children even feel or think the same or do they feel we owe them. Sometimes it feels like it. Kids talk about being stressed today, I never used the word til I was 30.
For all of life, I always believe there will come a balance at some point in time. Life(God) is always fair.
I have forgiven (no grudges) and I acknowledge her sacrifices, but now and again I am reminded. I think it's a reminder for my motherhood. I hope I will be forgiven for my imperfections, not because I did not know better but because it was my best. We are mothers but we are unfortunately human. Let's hope for sensitivity and wisdom for ourselves and our kids.
I can say every word you have said there for myself...
ReplyDeleteDo I have to add that I agree with that blog?
you have something at my blog my friend
ReplyDeleteHi there, this is my first visit to you. Found you from the nice comments you left on my blog. As a matter of interest, how did you come across my blog?
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed very much reading your post, it struck such a chord with me. I will be 53 next month and so I grew up in a time when I too felt responsible for not hurting my Dad, (I grew up without a Mum). I have a son and great though he is, he is more outspoken than I could ever have dreamed of being and although he loves and appreciates me he sometimes says things that hurt my heart and cause me sadness and then is amazed that I feel that way. Life is so very different now I agree with you. The kids have more available to them and they expect a lot more too. I am constantly amazed at how erudite and well spoken the kids are today and that is a good thing but somehow, I do miss the 'respect your elders' way in which I was raised!
I'm newly back from my travels. Come back and visit soon:)
Have a happy Friday!
Hiee I am not sure if it is respect or fear. I am reflecting on my past, I would never tell my dad if he did anything wrong, or upset me, becos in those days we are not as open with our feelings. But now I will tell him, I still respect him, but becos I am all grown I am not as afraid to speak up. It's very different from his days, so he was trying to get used to it.
ReplyDeleteThe communication lines with my boy is very open so my dad gets to watch us in action, of course sometimes he will shake his head,but I guess deep in his heart he wished he had such openess with his own kids. (thatis my brother and I)
Bless you and have a great weekend.
Boy does this post hit home for a lot of us!
ReplyDeleteI sort of held onto anger towards my mother for many years because she had made some really bad choices as a mom when I was young. And as a mom myself now....I still believe she made some awful choices and I suffered as a result. But Thank the good Lord that I have the power to break her bad cycle and start a good one for my own children. My mother realized her mistakes and apologized to me shortly before her death but luckily for me I had already forgiven her. And yes...I believe that children today feel "we owe them" something.... maybe because they have been spoiled (in a way). And they will probably find fault, when they mature, with the job we did as parents. But they will forgive us too!
WoW. What a touching post. Thank you dear one for sharing from your heart. Blessings and hugs....
ReplyDeleteHi Farila, Gaia, thank you I am glad to know that my thoughts, fears and experiences are similar,almost normal.. have always thought that my conservative upbringing might colour my views on life -then and now..TY.God Bless
ReplyDeleteAlways a Mom - thank you for sharing, I always have these guilt thoughts when they return to my mom. Blessings to you.
Gloria - thank you for sharing, I found you thru your comments on Janice's site. God Bless
Hi JBR - the 'real-est' self seems to come out when some floodgates open.. and that helps. TY God Bless
Hi Precious Gems - I have visited your site. TY for visiting. Blessings to you.
I cannot truly say I have forgiven, but some things you carry throughout your life.. and the anger comes back. But I would like to get over it if I could because it serves no purpose to hate one's mother.
ReplyDeleteBut that's the thing about floodgates, it leaves us bare when the time comes. Lovely sharing