Welcoming the new..

I'm glad 2011 is over, I would not want to relive it again ever.

I'm looking forward to moving away from the old and tired feelings and thoughts. Christmas and the New Year's eve went by with lots of hugs and greetings and it was 85% peaceful, what more can I ask for.

I'm looking forward to what's to come, lots of challenges but then what does one expect when one is beginning anew. A month more to go before the evil X is out of my hair. I can only pray there are no more surprises.

Here's one new area of interest I started on lately, it's got to do with crystals - vibrations, cleansing energy, healing and so on.... . It's all natural, nothing 'woo hoo' about it or supernatural.  It's not about diamonds or expensive stones: no in fact, many are not that rare and they don't have to b polished to be effective.

A friend had introduced me to the use of certain stones (black tourmaline, Amethyst) which I took on based on my friendship with her. Initially, she did not explain what they were for but merely asked me to place them near me or in certain places and observe and be aware.

I realized I felt less of those feelings of of fatigue. There used to be a sense of knowing and yet not doing or forestalling and even a sleeping sort of wakefulness but since then I have regained a greater sense of  alertness particularly in the house and less of the sluggishness which seems to dog me when I am in the house. I began to understand what my friend was telling me without telling me.
I went to do some research.


All this time I put it down to hormones or age or just work fatigue. So maybe there' is a lot more in the environment around me than my naive mind is willing to consider.

The use of crystals in healing and for protection is grounded in the energy and vibration of the natural earth and it's not a religious concept. So I'm looking at it this way,  prayer and faith are weapons but perhaps for my part I can help this battle on another front with the help of natural aids to enhance protection or block the bad energy.
I'm experimenting, and still reading up on this, it's fun and interesting. There is no harm to come from it, if anything there will be positive contribution. 

 A bountiful 2012 to all, wishing all love and peace.

A new Christmas feeling...

The chaos within me has abated,  I am adapting and learning to deal with the conflicts and the anxiety of having my children's time monopolized and manipulated by my ex.  The kids are old enough, they make their own choices.  The final decisions will not be made for another month and a half and I am abiding my time.. I have stopped being and feeling defensive to my ex's whining (through his lawyer). The main  thing I focus on is what is in the child's interest. I'll do what I need to do then, if it's not.

Now and then, the anger leaks in and I have a momentary lapse of wanting to lash out but it's under control. I've put him and his shenanigans out of my mind. After this year, I have come to realise I depend on him for nothing that is necessary.

Patience, humility, tolerance .. these run top of  mind and that seems to help alot but forgiveness, that's not possible yet. I trust that truth will win out.

This Christmas is a new beginning for me. More than ever, I appreciate the family I have and the love that we share and I am grateful to God for his many blessings and lessons.

I wish all bloggers and readers a beautiful Christmas peace and a good New Year ahead.

A Self reflection; learning to live honestly

The last quarter always sees more family occasions. I realize recently that my attitude to attending events that bring me in closer contact with relatives has changed and for the better – I'm less apprehensive and less calculating in my thoughts of what might be asked and how I might respond where my ex is concerned.

They must have noticed his absence from social functions for many years now. Not strange then, they have stopped asking me about it or him. 

I feel more open in my thoughts, there is less or hardly that sense of being imperfect or defensiveness  that I used to ‘arm ‘ myself with when going to these family affairs.

I suppose it would be called coming to terms with what has always been and what it will be and what it actually is today.

I want to be the person in charge of me again.

Who am I or was I trying to satisfy, why pretend?

Society is not perfect and as I sat in the living room of my brother's in-laws and the families a couple of weeks ago, I thought, everyone has issues,  I don't judge them, why should they judge me.

Why do we love ourselves less and not see our weakness as our humanness that is forgivable by God and yet not by ourselves? Do we set higher standards for being who we should be?