A day in the Life ....my cup runneth over.....

I'm still in the doldrums, I 've figured out what's bothering me...(besides the eostrogen problem).
These days I am bogged down with work. I think and think of the need to do lots more but  just haven't the time or the energy. I could use another 5 hrs in the day I think.
My children need me,  all three of them but there's only one of me. This bothers me

Dad helps but I think he needs to be a grandfather more than study tutor to them. This bothers me.

My oldest is stressed by school, but I can't really help there because much depends on her own efforts and methods. I can only keep encouraging her and not add to her stress.

I need to curb the 2 boys from their computer games, so I'm going to unplug the machine. They'll probably hate me for a few days or more or until they figure where I've hidden the cable.
I'll have to do more to keep tabs on their activities from the office.

The madman of the house is away for work more often so that helps reduce everyone's stress levels.

And then, there is this course which I have taken up, it's once a week but still(homework and reading) ...it is meant to be a  back up .. you never know which way this industry will turn or turn on us,.. should I postpone it (I kept postponing it ). This bothers me.

Stress wise I think I am coping, I ain't giving in, but coffee only goes so far.
 
Christmas tree needs to come down soon like yesterday!

Dad is worried about me, I tell him I'm fine.
But I worry about him too.

It's just another phase I'll survive this.

I should pray, but when I pray I come up with more questions about God and his presence (or lack of it ). I just want to believe he is there, I don't want to think about it. 
Sometimes it's just easier to pray for others than my own.

Silent drama on board.....A day in the life

Encountering rude impatient people at the train station is nothing new but every now and again something a little more 'entertaining' occurs!
This happened on one of the mornings as I travelled to work.

The train comes, as usual it is filled to the door , some patiently wait for the few to alight and of course there are a few impatient ones who will just shoot in while people are attempting to get out. 
Finally I get in, luckily, there is some space near the door, as I step in I am suddenly thrust forward into the people standing in front of me, I apologise feeling ‘bloody irritated’ and turn around to see who or what came through behind me.  Few others were similarly affected too.
‘A pair of morons’ I thought very angrily (pardon the language) – a young couple( girl and big guy) stood hand in hand facing the door continuing some conversation, oblivious to the hard stares at the back of their heads. I just kept staring as if my irritation might be able to seep through their thick skulls if I stared hard enough, I wanted to look at their faces. Just so they could see my displeasure.

There was a lady standing just alongside them, and she stood her ground through the next 2 stops, not budging from her spot even as people went out or came in. The rude couple still stood side by side at the front.  I thought to myself  'rarely do you see good in people on the subway'.

None too soon .. 'one good turn deserves another', I wickedly thought...
At the third station, there was a surge of people and the girl got ‘rudely’ pushed in by like-rude people and the boyfriend could not move backwards to her side because the lady moved back some and refused to budge to give way to him, she stood her ground and merely looked forward, ignoring him. He was very disgruntled, muttered something under his breathe, stared at the lady and then stared at persons who pushed his girlfriend in.
I had a smile on my face by then, as I watched him. As the big guy turned to look at the commuters,  I got to see his face and he saw mine.
I find it amazing that some people have no awareness of their own behaviour eventhough they are capable of recognising inconsiderate behaviour.

Seeking

Why do I look out the window
when all I seek is here in my heart;
only now with less sorrow.

I feel lonely today, a little downcast
my heart seeks warmth,
my mind wonders the past.

Seeking friends of old times,
girlhood giggles and smiles,
of music and rhymes.

In the distance, church bells toll,
I return from reverie,
little arms around me, lovingly fold.

With love of a family 
and friends aplenty,
I strive to be happy.

Still, I seek what escapes always,
wisdom that enlightens, fortitude to march 
and peace that touches like the sun's rays.

(HA - 2010)