Stereotyping

Not too long ago, Jeff  discussed an incident on racism in his blog. Another subject not too far from this yet often overlooked and glossed over is stereotyping. I need to rant a bit, we're approaching festivals - we just passed one for the Muslims and are approaching another for the Hindus and sweeping remarks made by the ignorant and careless, just get on my nerves now and again .

I live in a society that is made up of many different races, each one quite diverse yet we're quite integrated - Indians, Malays, Chinese, sub-divide that with religion. While this nation's 'civilization' has come a long, long way, and in this age of internet and TV,  there are still pre-conceived notions running in the heads of the so called 'better' educated locals of their long-residing counterparts.

Here are some typical remarks:
- she is very fair for an Indian
- she looks like Chinese but she's actually Malay
- he's Indian but he's Catholic
- she's Chinese but she married an Indian
- he's Indian but his wife is Chinese
- her hair is so straight for an Indian
- she's quite dark for a Chinese
- she's Indian but she knows how to eat Chinese food.
- he's quite good looking for an Indian
- he's Muslim but he is not fasting
- she has an English name but she is Indian
- she's Chinese but she's got nice eye lashes...
.. it goes on..
Mild but it grates. Can you hear it,  the condescension, ignorance, underlying prejudice, presumption and imposition...the word 'but' is like that chalk piece screeching against the blackboard.
Why can't people make observations without suppositions?

The ignorance is amazing, the incapacity to learn anything (or absorbing anything) about your neighbour for 30 years of living next to them, the ease of assuming is baffling.
More often than not my sarcastic response is wasted on these persons, and when you point out the error in their thinking, they justify themselves based on   'most of the time', 'usually like ', 'they always' ...  when really they don't know.
These are not about norms of yesteryears, it's about being aware, being more exposed and asking questions.  Is it shocking that narrow mindedness still exists ?

Trekking through a New Frontier

It is now officially 3 months old, this blog of mine.

When I started blogging it was more as my personal journal. I always have more questions than answers. Since I joined the blogging community I have been amazed and continue to be amazed as I go blog trekking. I am discovering a world of interesting people all over the globe on all kinds of interesting subjects. Mostly, that I am not alone on some of the issues I face, and your words help in many ways. We do make connections.

I blog and I follow,  I comment where I need to say something or I don't (so much to read). I have varied interests and am pulled into most subjects especially on the self (journals), on human nature, mothers and kids however it is expressed, be it in pictures, words, music or poetry. The work of so many minds is truly amazing. When I get to new sites, I explore not just the blog but the followers too (such a busybody!).

I've come across different blogger writer types
1) the ones who write for pure revenue interest
2) the ones who write very personal stories
3) the ones who write for the love Of God
4) the ones who write because life is full of interesting questions and experiences to share(good and bad)

Wow and some of you have multiple blogs too, I envy that energy.

5) the ones who write on business subjects

and then you have different follower types(not necessarily signed up)

6) write and read other blogs

7) don't write but read blogs

8) Loyal

9) Hoppers

The lone ranger:

10) write but don't read any other blogs

The blog world makes for wonderful human interest exploration and we certainly can learn from each other and learn new things along the way. Thank you for the kind awards that some of you have shared. Many of the blogs are beautifully designed and decorated, but more importantly is what they have to say. (I'll have to fiddle with mine soon).

This award is for all you wonderful people who have joined me along the way at some point or other,  with your thoughts and comments and to all who follow:  Gaia, Arise to Write, Farila,
Mom of Three, Always a Mom, Charmaine, Janice, Julieanne, Echoes , Political Blog,  Kathleen, Blushing Rose, Creative Liquid, TheConformalBlog, Blest Atheist, Magdalena,  Moon Loh, AphroditeOrania, Tammy, SheGurl, Spiller, Aperdue7..
(if I 've  left anyone out my sincere apologies).
And thank you.

A Day in the Life... Words

There's a rhyme that goes "sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me"..  who came up with this, it's absolutely not true.

Last night I got so mad with my older son, that I almost said something terribly harsh. I don’t think he realized his words hurt me and I don’t think he even remembered it after. I was fuming mad with him and that made me literally bark at the other two kids who did nothing wrong. I stopped myself; I refused to talk to him further and asked the other two kids not to talk to me because I was upset with their brother.

He is doing the PSLE this year and that has put him under pressure for the past few months now. It is something that has been building for both him and me too. Inspite of advice, much of the stress is self-inflicted, he is a worrier by nature. He is quite unstable in his emotions where his abilities and confidence are concerned and they fluctuate so wildly, it tires me out.

An hour after the episode, I went into his room to see him and he looked at me like nothing happened, like he didn’t have that self-righteous episode.
I let him be, I decided I was not going to pursue the matter then or today and try to make him recognize the wrong. Why, because it might dig a deeper hole in me and I don’t think he will come to the realization? It will bother me some but I’ll just blame immaturity(he's 12) or stress and give him space. Motherhood can be painful in more ways than one.

This morning I am back to my calm self, and I am glad that I bit my tongue and held back the words. Taking back words does not quite relieve you and somehow once you let go of those words, it’s not like you can take it back completely and wipe it from memory. I know the words would have hurt him (even if he does not seem to be listening) and me too.
This is not the first such incident, I’ve also decided when this happens again, I’ll handle it differently with reverse psychology rather than reason, that is try another doorway into his stubborn mind.

Chain Mail

Chain letters, have you ever received them ?  
Before the PC became a common household item, I had received a few of these through the snail mail. In those,  my  younger days,  I used to fret over them, and there were a couple or three that I actually did follow through, literally repeat writing 7 copies (7 seemed to be the favourite number and still is).  But nothing noteworthy happened, neither for the chains I continued ( I didn't get my windfall) nor the ones I 'broke'  (my room did not burn down).

A few weeks ago, I received one at work and it stated a list of sins committed by the common man. I was to add 2 more common sins to that list that was already there (it was a very long list), and pass it along to 12 friends and add the email listed below as the 13th address. If I did not follow through, 3 evil events would 'befall me' within the next 3 days and I would only recover from it by not eating meat for 7 days. (the magic number again, and some comic relief !!). 

Yes, they seem to have multiplied via the email these days. While it is easier to act on them, I  don't follow through on them. They are mostly less ominous sounding too ( no curses or 'bad luck will befall you'  nonsense).  There are a few that I do pass on and that's usually if they involve Blessings and wishes. I do it for the sake of passing on those well-wishes or prayers but I don't follow the number that is specified. Why do people do that, attach number of times or specify number of emails to send out. 
If it's a good message to pass on or a special blessing why not, by all means, send it out without conditions or ultimatums, just good old fashion goodwill.
I'm not knocking anyones' superstitions here, it's just my take.

(PS : A techie friend tells me that in some cases it's purely for data mining..so beware..!)

When I Become Me

We are tiny specks in this vast universe
from somewhere in that space we began.
How did we come to be unique and diverse,
is it the essence or matter that makes us man.
We are human and humane we are to be.
Each of us made from one special mold,
yet when we come to be there is nothing but cells to see,
is it the soul that finds a life or the life that finds a soul.

I am much more than the physical.
To fulfill a destiny that seems inconsequential.
But why me, for what purpose, did he create.
The path we walk is never smooth or straight,
distractedly we plod through detours, the heart engages
the essence of me; more is my lot.
But One who is greater enlightens our searches
with a flame for man who cannot.
To journey with wisdom
from earth to that kingdom,
what special gifts in our depths we hold,
it is worth much more than gold.
Open the eyes and see, it's not too late, 
look again the road is straight.

(HA 2009)

Crosses in Different Sizes

All of us have different problems and troubles and until we come across others who seem to have a lot to deal with, we then re-look at ourselves in retrospect.   Janice is one such blogger and there are many more such individuals. I'm not writing this out of pity, but empathy.
My troubles can consume me for a whole day but yet I still have room to bounce back on the good present in my life.
Janices' story is really heartbreaking, there are elements in her life I can identify with, but they count as a fraction;  for me they are relatively recent (16 yrs) but her story begins way back from her childhood.
The fact that Janice blogs in spite of her hardship, despair and is able to carry on is really amazing. There's courage and a strong spirit to survive all ills.
Please add Janice to your prayers for a less weary life and a happier Now.

(click on Janice or the Rose for the link T Y)

Life's like That

Over the past weeks, I have been attempting to watch (observe) things as they unfold as opposed to letting things whiz by. I do see that the world is not actually roaring past us, I see it unrolling. You see more, hear more of life around you . And interestingly ‘time’ itself feels like it moves differently, somehow slower, although in actual when I look at my watch it has moved faster. I have been ‘observing’ the interaction of the kids and I keep learning new things (eventhough they have me climbing the walls sometimes).

Just when I think I’m getting the hang of it, ‘madness’ unfortunately (that all-consuming necessity that most of us are occupied with from 9-6 everyday) intervenes, puts me back on that fast track. In the industry I’m in, it’s impossible to have a controlled consistent workflow. When clients jump, we jump too and when they’re totally disorganized we have to clear the path , fight through the chaos to meet deadlines.
It’s easy to think I should or can control that but some motions are just easier to be carried away with, so that the job can be expedited, it’s a necessity.

And then I return to the life outside of that, that matters and try to catch the old rhythm again. I guess I have to wait for work to return to normal again.
That’s just the way life is.