A Day in the Life - trying too Hard

Some days I feel like two different persons.

The sane rational one in the office and dysfunctional in the home.
It's on days when I am so tired from work and would like nothing more but to shower and sleep right away.

Child3 and child2 have been arguing and fighting - so the judge (mom) has to preside. Imagine you are dying for some peace and quiet, both the boys insist on having their say first - at the same time. I can't think straight for all the noise and I just stare at the both of them. I let them go at it for about 15 min. Then asked 'are you both done' , they said 'yes'. I said 'good, that's settled', left them open-mouthed and went to take a shower.

The second matter, Child2 hasn't apologised to his older sister - that's a backlog, have to address it today. I thought I can't put it off or he'll think I forgot about it and he'll forget about it too. I take him aside to talk. After a while, he says he's thinking about it. I decide to leave it, that is more than I expected, I will bug him tomorrow when I'm clearer. But then, he turns around and asks me about the earlier situation, 'what about it' I ask, He asks me, 'aren't you going to do anything'. I ask 'why, did you do something wrong' , he says 'well I did snatch the toy from him'.
And I think .. Wow! I didn't have to say anything at all and there it was - the unblemished truth!

So, I don't have to try too hard all the time, enlightenment, understanding emerges somehow, TIME is all he needed (he was moved by my lack of response).
But then we know, the formula is rarely the same each time.

The oldest thankfully was out like a light ..too tired - thank God for small mercies, ...I could hit the sack, duties done!


http://groups.google.com/group/mothers-always

"Live in the along"

I've discovered lots of interesting writers and thinkers in the past few days through the various sites, some amazing, thoughtful, few eye-openers and plenty of sad. Whatever it is about, expressing ourselves and sharing helps us and helps others too.
Over the last day, I've quoted this poet twice, one for the words as poem and the other for it's context. The poem is by an American, the last 4 lines reminds us to live life ..

From Gwendolyn Brooks 1917 (last 4 lines) -
"And remember:
live not for Battles Won.
Live not for The-End-of-the-Song,
Live in the along."

Teach our children well.
http://groups.google.com/group/mothers-always

Middle Child ?

How does one get through a closed door? How long does one keep knocking?
How do you get him to try when he says he can't.? He's 12.

Sometimes I think it is hopeless, I want to give up and just let him wallow in negativity and find his own way out. Just shakes his head, 'cannot'... 'give up'... 'no use' .. 'nothing can help me'.

When did he start to get this way? Only a major episode (like an earthquake) I believe can move this child and shake his thoughts up. He just refuses to hear. If a stranger counseled him how long would it last..

??? please any words of advise .

...like this...

"If I had to summarize their* message ..- it is that we are all stuck together in the moment of history, and the most appropriate response to each other is compassion and a sharing of laughter. After all we don't really have a clue as to what is going on here, if anything, and most likely we aren't really in charge of very much of it anyway, and in the end the joke seems to be on all of us. Knowing that, we can relax a little and dispense with any blame. So far, as human beings, our greatest gifts, aside from the ability to make good painkillers, are our feelings of love and sense of humor."

in short... live life, don't dwell too much on it about it !

Quote from Wes 'Scoop' Nisker (2001)- 'The Essential Crazy Wisdom' .. it's a real crazy read.. as books go..

*['their' refer to the sages, scientists, fools, early philosophers, genius., wise men, presidents...]

My Child

Be my child,
be happy.
Be at peace,
be spontaneous.
Be bold,
try it,
speak,
take a chance.
See with eyes,
hear with ears
ever clear.
Be open to wonders
around us.
Open minds,
trusting hearts,
always dear.
Believe in you.
Say yes
I can!
Be merry.
Always mine.

- HA (2009)

I'm human

speaking of re-booting.... there are times when I would like a total re-format and be someone else.

Timeout - do a mental Re-boot regularly.

Creating a quiet time requires energy. We all need to do a mental reboot periodically to clean out.. housekeep.. to enable ourselves to move forward daily... (not soul searching, that's another story for another time).

A year or so ago, we had a biz client who literally occupied us day and night.. day was the actual stressful work, night was about recovering from client outbursts and getting it together for the next day...literally daily and so it went on for 2 years. My colleague would say as we were leaving to go home .. 'I just want to sit '. There were 3 of us in this team and we understood. We just wanted to be able to be still.. feel the quiet; do and think nothing.
Cos of the daily load, I decided I needed to 'sit' more frequently, usually it was monthly or less often.

During this time, I missed the kids alot cos they were in bed by the time I got home. The weekends was the time I spent most with them. It was terrible trying to 'make up' and also it was a different sort of stress coping with 3 kids of varying schoolwork and temperaments (spending time with them can be timeout too unless it's homework).
The 'quiet time' to recoup I assigned myself weekly, was after work on a Thurs or Fri. I realised after a while it wasn't working.

To be able to get the essential ( calm, a peace, a sense of well-being.. .) out of the 'quiet time' you cannot be totally tired out. You need a bit of energy to just 'sit' ..a conscious effort to clear a space..put away , clean up baggage, be positive. It can take 8min or 20min it's about the quality of the time.

I survived the account I'm glad to say with sanity and job in tack.

Timeout was on Sat mornings. It turned out better for me and also for the kids (cos I'm told 'mummy didn't freak out as much') .

Of course it also helped to have whining sessions with your best buddies on and off!