Jan 1, 2011

Wading throug rough waters ..........

I'm glad the old year is gone. We caught some great fireworks last night, that was a small consolation to make up for the lack of a family gathering to spend the eve with. We had our own little party, chips, marshmallows and wine for the toast.
How do we shake thoughts we don't want to have ? Temptation thrives on the weaknesses that we have and adds fuel to these thoughts and they just persist. Lately old bad memories of the earlier years have been invading my thoughts and they are sadly (and ironically) triggered by happy recall of memories among the family members. Why can't I get over them ?

I keep reminding myself, no one owes us a living, it's up to us to live our lives and make what is needed of it.
Yet because of the season, probably because I keep dwelling on what is to come and what is yet to be settled, I feel  a little hollow and alone.

I'm trying to ignore it and put it aside; to keep a positive face for the kids. It is tiring. Envy and self-pity seem to be rearing their heads and I feel like withdrawing from happy company. I am very conscious of them but the thoughts seem to be digging their heels in deeper. I pray and perhaps it is not enough. Daily tasks take their toll and I am feeling drained.  Keeping busy is the solution, but that takes energy too.

My daughter has been acting up lately - a teenager I expected to have the least issues with.  It's an old argument 'we can't always have what we want' . She has much more than most and yet it's not enough. Why because she forgets everything else that she has when focusing on the something that she wants and cannot get. Why do they always dwell on what they have not rather than what they have. 
She forgets there will be more expenses to come when she moves on to the next stage of higher learning.
I keep thinking, she is lucky, I am not my mother. But I will not over-compensate either.

The two boys well they are their usual selves.  It's like they take turns (I should be grateful) to act up.

Count your blessings.

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