Sep 20, 2012

........stray thoughts

I grew up not feeling loved and so I looked for it.. 
and still I didn't have it when I thought I had found it.
I am loved, I know that in my head 
but the feeling ...
does not extend all the way to my bones, 
Do you know what I mean. 
I am not alone but 
I am still looking for love.

Sep 14, 2012

Settling in for a while

It's been about 2 weeks since we moved into the rental. The first 3 days were tiring, and only about half the boxes are unpacked. I can't imagine what the final move brings or means. Whatever does not need to be opened is stored away, mostly books and half the toys, kitchen crockery, decorative items and my craft stuff. I'm hoping to clear out more stuff before we finally move.  I decided to throw out smaller fitting clothes(keeping them a while now) thinking that if I managed to loose some weight I'd be only too happy to spend on new clothes.


There's a different feeling definitely, liberated .. no paranoia except close to the ex 's weekends and when he phones the kids. Otherwise I'm trying get the kids back to whatever is normal school and play. The kids feel it, a difference for the better but the alternate weekend stays with the ex is something we are all getting accustomed to in our own way.

It'll be a testing month too for the ex as he tries to manipulate and push the boundaries of his time with the kids. There's been a couple of incidents already and I am trying to figure out the best way to deal with it.

I'm trying to spend some time with the kids to do normal rather than non-moving stuff.
I'll be busy still as I have begun the renovation prep for the apartment and getting into fixtures, bathroom fittings, tiles, lights, colours and so on, trying to decipher new things and electronic appliances.

There's tonnes to do and so little time. But I am excited to take this next step of my journey



  

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