Showing posts with label Kids. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Kids. Show all posts

Mar 16, 2010

Tiny steps Forward

It's been a half a year since I thought change when will it Happen ?
Life seems better now, there is more noise and movement.

The childen are learning to be loud. Sometimes too much.
Some things need to be learned all over, some fears still to overcome, that's hard.
The ill wind does not blow as often.
Still I am grateful, there seems to be more calm less strain.
When once there was mostly gloom, the sun shines more.
But of course we can't have everything perfect.
There are still Inner struggles,
but of a different nature, and we will persevere.

Mar 12, 2010

A Day in the Life ... 'Listening' to my Kids is not easy ....

'Listening' to other people is easier done than listening to my kids.
When you listen, you don't just do it with the ears but you hear with an open mind and heart.  And our response should be one that is the result of digesting and absorbing that message. It should not be a reaction.

A lesson for me this week ......

I experienced a one-way shouting match with my teenager, while I remained calm I  realised I was reacting to her and not responding  (and this is something I don't do when I interact with others). She was obviously reacting to my response.
At the end of it, though she did recover herself soon enough to realise she was in the wrong and that made me happy.  While the 'shouting and the walking away' had reminded me of my husband's character,  the recovery was all her own.

Doing this with outsiders is easier than with the kids, I realise. I already have built in biases, expectations, presumptions and familiarity with the kids that does not lend itself to the patience needed. So by reflex my 'listening' to them becomes ineffective because my mind is already interpreting before the message is completed. As a result,  my response will not be the objective one it should be.

Ironically, the difference is because I care more.

I have to work at this.

Mar 7, 2010

Memo to Me : Patience is a virtue AND Hard Work

~ ~ Gentle Reminder:

It takes patience to do things properly and patience is required in the waiting for something good to grow. It's like gardening. It takes time for a  tiny seedling to grow and show it's first shoots and like that it takes time to cultivate a habit and behaviour.
So it is for a relationship with a child(old or young) and developing his habits - it does not just take lots of love and care but PATIENCE too.
I have always thought I had lots of it, but it is insufficient it seems.

“Patience is waiting. Not passively waiting. That is laziness. But to keep going when the going is hard and slow - that is patience.”  And you need perseverence too.  Hard to practise in this fast moving world, when we have so little time.

To grow and refill patience, be present in the here and now, or as May Sarton suggests consider gardening - “Everything that slows us down and forces patience, everything that sets us back into the slow circles of nature, is a help. Gardening is an instrument of grace.”

When dealing with a teenager, keep Lao Tzu's advice in mind:  'Trying to understand is like straining through muddy water. Be still and allow the mud to settle.'

Sometimes less is more.

Feb 26, 2010

Breathing easier again- it's the Weekend.

I survived the week, and now it's back to getting other things back on track.
The 'traumatic' book review got squared away (Alleluia!!) with mummy as transcription typist and editor.
I will say this for my son, he has an amazingly good head for remembering facts and stories and information from anything he reads or sees. He had forced himself to read it, and pushed on because of the deadline (painful actually) and actually completed the book - Kidnapped by R L Stevenson. This version is not an easy book for a kid to read(especially one who is not into reading).  One, because it was the adult version and two the language was really classic with scottish slang included. It was an older print. 
He managed to write the synopsis/review himself and while I was clarifying his sentences, he was able to recall the story quite well.. I made a big deal out of it but he wasn't convinced it was that amazing a feat. He's a tough customer, what can I say.
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I got this very prettily designed award a 'short' time ago from dear Alice always from Wonder land. Alice writes very heart warming poetry among other fascinating topics.  Thank you Alice.
And so it is my lovely task to pass it on to 7 bloggers and list 7 things (stories, thoughts, favourite, peeves etc anything) about yourself.

1) I love staring at the Full Moon especially when its really huge and seems so much closer to us.

2)  When I was young, I always licked the cake bowl clean (of course that was after the mix went into the oven). That was 'yummier' than baked cake.

3) I have this strange neurosis that involves dog-ears on books - I go berserk when I see the poor books being ill-treated.

4) I was once an 'irritating specimen' along with 41 other such specimens. In the last year of secondary school, the teacher in charge of our class always made us do gardening. And we of course like all teenagers always felt that we could be doing more interesting things with our time than THAT.. and so we dawdled and dilly dallied and very little weeds got pulled out. And that's how we earned that name, she would constantly mutter it under her breathe a few times while we walked back to class.

5) I love mushrooms - the eating kind especially button mushrooms.

6) Sometimes in my darkest, deepest moments of frustration,  I wonder if I collected the right babies from the hospital, none of them are like me !

7) I am the TYPING POOL for my children. How is it they are able to spot a new PC game, figure out how to play it instantly and yet have a problem figuring out Powerpoint and Excel. (Preposterous !).

And now to pass this on to 7 other bloggers:
  1. Lily 'in her journey to find peace  -  Locating My Life
  2. A young poet I recently discovered - Wanderer A Journey called.....
  3. Tracy whos seeks  to understand scripture...  http://abundantliving-tracy.blogspot.com/
  4. Andrea,  always offering  hope with her scriptures and prayers http://arise2write.blogspot.com/
  5. Stephanie http://stephaniebaffone.blogspot.com/, ....a cheerful writer.
  6. Amy my favourite drama mama....at http://mamaswithdrama.blogspot.com/
  7. J B R - a very strong individual in the face of inner struggles http://justbereal77.blogspot.com/

Feb 20, 2010

A Day in the Life - An Ice Cream a day....

Coit Tower, Cookie Summit... Chocolate Twist... Minty Delight....... guess where I've been.

It's been a tough week all round, I decided I needed a treat myself ....ice-cream.  But of course I couldn't just go by myself and 'not take' the kids. Then again, except for my girl, the boys didn't deserve a treat.
So I decided to get them to work for it throughout all of Saturday in order to get ice cream.

Yup.. ok ...let's call it what it is ...I resorted to the oldest trick in the book .. I tried to bribe the kids to be good. ...   (bad bad mummy .. !!) . Hey, sometimes you just have to forget the rulebook and go with you've got. . ... desperation.

Well it worked.
The youngest boy managed to get all his study work done and actually watched very little TV. The second child, well it gets better. He actually spent more time focusing on getting the reading  done - his very difficult classic tale by R L Stevenson for his book review. That was major progress; not much TV and not much gaming time either.

SO, I didn't have that difficult a time today, less nagging and all,  I actually got more of my tasks done.
Thank God for small mercies and ice-cream.



And I must add,  I just enjoyed a good long laugh after reading one blog spilling onto the other.. .if you need a laugh check out Farila's and Betty's latest post.


Have a good weekend.



                            ........Now what do I do for an encore tomorrow ??

Feb 19, 2010

A Day in the Life - Fighting negativity daily..

What goes up must come down. My blog is starting to read like that,  my emotions swinging up then down with each post. That's the result of striving to keep positive and resisting the urge to 'relax' into depression.
Who says a mother's life is fulfilling. Not today. Oh yeah, it certainly is full and filling but not in the positive sense of the expression.  We have to be actors much of the time, we cannot be what we feel like being, we have to put on a happy face when we are not, be cheerful when when we are depressed and  exhibit super powers despite fatigue. We have to be constant role models. (OK I 'm ranting, so sue me!.)

Staying optimistic is getting tougher around my second child . When did he become so extremely negative and pessimistic? (I suppose I can blame his father for it, him and his vile tongue). Much of my time, is spent trying to reroute his defeatist attitude, it takes an enormous amount of energy to overpower his negative comments and statements and to stay patient and positive.  If anything else for the sake of the other two kids, I need to stay positive and keep my spirits up (as much as I feel I want to wallow and stay upset.!).

Since the start of school, I have been getting more and more wound up with this child. He's going to be 13, will he outgrow it soon, I doubt it. And it is affecting  the other two kids. Every task (homework) which involves self-expression, or appears voluminous is a humongous task. The fear seems to overwhelm him. The moment he is faced with such work that 'seems' hard or hits an obstacle, his reaction is an instant depression, 'I cannot' , 'I won't be able to finish it in time'..'I don't know how',  'I 'll just die' even before he has begun. He says there is 'no hope' for him. Yes, he can be quite dramatic without trying.  He can't finish a book to get out his review in time, and yet he will persist in procrastinating and compound his own stress.  Does he realise it,  yes he is aware but cannot take charge of it and does not seem to want to be helped.  The more upset or insistent (getting work done) I get, the more stubborn he becomes.

I came home this evening to the same situation, I know I am loosing(wearing down)! Don't be mistaken, I'm not giving in yet.
I'm telling myself now to stop and review. I need to do something different, change my moves to gain his attention ?  I'm thinking this can't go on, what are my options and his ?  Should I send him for one of those motivational classes for kids or counseling , I'm not sure if it would help but it won't hurt and I won't know if I don't try something.
He has his 'successful' moments but they are rare and few between to help boost his confidence or make a dent in his attitude.

I know...  some miracles take time.

He is like a very uneven boulder that I have to keep pushing up a steep mountain. 
I have taken to praying especially more for this boy; after all who else can I turn to. I hope He will eventually hear me and offer some HELP.

Jan 30, 2010

To what purpose ?

Yesterday I read about Wanda who lost her son and I wandered what is God's purpose for those who knew Chris and loved him.
Silouette mum & child

I posted this prayer button a while back. A young lady I knew learnt that the child she was carrying had  Edwards Syndrome. She was too far into term when discovered, they were confused and sad but continued on, prepared for his coming. What could the rest of us do but pray for the best, the infant, their strength and God's will.

Today, I attended the wake of this child, he was named Jeremiah, 8 months in his mother's care, a tiny life that never saw the light of day but will see the light of heaven. I never knew this little life and yet I feel extreme sorrow for his struggle to survive with this disease.

As his father says very calmly,  for the living, it is a test of faith.

A temporary soul.

Jan 12, 2010

A day in the Life ....my cup runneth over.....



I'm still in the doldrums, I 've figured out what's bothering me...(besides the eostrogen problem).
These days I am bogged down with work. I think and think of the need to do lots more but  just haven't the time or the energy. I could use another 5 hrs in the day I think.
My children need me,  all three of them but there's only one of me. This bothers me

Dad helps but I think he needs to be a grandfather more than study tutor to them. This bothers me.

My oldest is stressed by school, but I can't really help there because much depends on her own efforts and methods. I can only keep encouraging her and not add to her stress.

I need to curb the 2 boys from their computer games, so I'm going to unplug the machine. They'll probably hate me for a few days or more or until they figure where I've hidden the cable.
I'll have to do more to keep tabs on their activities from the office.

The madman of the house is away for work more often so that helps reduce everyone's stress levels.

And then, there is this course which I have taken up, it's once a week but still(homework and reading) ...it is meant to be a  back up .. you never know which way this industry will turn or turn on us,.. should I postpone it (I kept postponing it ). This bothers me.

Stress wise I think I am coping, I ain't giving in, but coffee only goes so far.
 
Christmas tree needs to come down soon like yesterday!

Dad is worried about me, I tell him I'm fine.
But I worry about him too.

It's just another phase I'll survive this.

I should pray, but when I pray I come up with more questions about God and his presence (or lack of it ). I just want to believe he is there, I don't want to think about it. 
Sometimes it's just easier to pray for others than my own.

Nov 16, 2009

A Day in the Life ..... a crisis of age and dress code


Trying my patience
My middle child's mission in life is to test my patience. I took him to get a couple of pieces of clothing which he would need for his school farewell functions. It was the weekend,  I asked him to check if he had the relevant colour shirt or pants for his themed 'black and white' night. He said no, then he tells me, he also needed some khaki or beige bermudas for a morning skid too.. 'ok lets go look for them now', he didn't hesitate. Usually he is not able to decide on the spot and needs to ponder on the slightest things.  I suggested that he could also wear a black top with his black jeans but NO, to him 'black and white' means just that; no white and white or black and black. No point trying to explain,  he just couldn't accept it. He didn't want to 'be embarrassed'.  OK I let  it go, This is one of his characteristics, when something appears defined in no uncertain terms by the school, that's the way it is,  it's hard to go into a grey area. I hope this aspect will improve with maturity.

We went to one of the major shoppings malls which also had a major department store.  'Almost formal' white shirts are not that common, especially for boys. So we left the department store and went into 'Kiddie Palace' which sells almost anything for kids 0 - 15 yrs old. He was not happy, he didn't want to go in. I had to drag him into the store. I had to drag him to look at the colours and then drag him to the changing room to try out the size for the bermudas. He didn't want to carry the clothes. He refused to try on the shirt, I placed it against his back to be sure it was not oversized, and let him go on that. But I was adamant he try on the bermudas. He created such a fuss, like I was doing this for my own benefit. Through the changing room door. he kept sighing and grumbling, he didn't want it. At this point you can imagine, I had steam coming out of my ears as I maintained control of my temper. The colour was right, so what was wrong, he refused to say.  I had to drag answers out of him on the fit through the door. I must have sounded like a mad woman to some of the shoppers, harassing my son. In the end we left the shop with the desired items for his events.

As we left the mall, and he was calmer, I asked him what was wrong with him. I reminded him that he's now assured he won't have to fret on the eve (like many a school occasion), he needed those items for his own comfort - to fit in, to conform - fine I could understand that.

The problem APPARENTLY was the name 'kiddie'. He's 12, in his mind he is not a 'kiddie', so he associated the clothing likewise; he felt he would be embarrassed by being seen in 'childish' clothes. There was really nothing childish about them, OMG  I thought! I explained to him that those clothing labels (brands) could also be found in the bigger department stores or any other non-'kiddie' labelled shop. And also that the store name was just that - a name because they sold items for kids upto 15 yrs at least. Mercifully,  he understood and accepted (sigh).  The alternative would have been to spend double on a Levi's bermudas just to ensure his comfort. That would have been acceptable because Levi's is not perceived as 'kiddie'.

Intricacies of a 12 year old (male) mind:
A little later on the way home,  I said to him, 'you are 12, technically you ARE a kid'.  He said  he didn't want to be 12. How old did he want to be.. he said 18. Boy oh boy and WHY IS that, he wants 'to drive a car'!!  I left it at that, 'you'll get there sooner than you realise'  my daily quota for reason had reached a limit.

When he gets to 18, I think I'll remind him of this story. I'm sure by then, he'll wish he was 12.
Well I still have a another boy to go through this age crisis, I'm sure I'll be still AMAZED again and again.

Nov 5, 2009

On me, Mother and being Mom

JBR's post  My guitar- cries with me touched a chord in me. It reminded me of my mother and thoughts on my motherhood. I  pray that JBR's mother will stop being a destructive force in her life.
In my post (eons ago) I mentioned  My Mother. I won't go into specific details but there have been sore points through the first 25 years that negatively affected me.  
Mothers can be tactless, they can say the wrong things and not say the right things not because of any intention to hurt but because they didn't know better. For me, I believe she did not know better.

But I am reminded too that I am a mother.  We have more reasons today to be perfect,  we are/should be more aware of what to say,  what not to say (to compare),  when to say and how to do things with our kids;  the 'right way' , the 'better way' -  because we are more exposed, better informed and probably better educated, with way more motivations.  But alas we overlook, get tired,  are slow,  work too fast, try too hard,  can't be everywhere, can't cover all the bases, we expect more of ourselves - and then we chide ourselves for our imperfections. Yes I am.
Ah, but then the difference today, is that kids are more vocal, more open, more exposed (not that they are more aware than we were,)  they expect(demand) more of us and they are less likely to be silent about it and that is where it can hurt more.   So we are both empowered, can I say we're even now.

It's funny as a child, I feel/felt  it my responsibility not to hurt my parents in any way.  And now as a mother,  I suppose I expect the same.  But I'm not sure, does this generation of children even feel or think the same or do they feel we owe them. Sometimes it feels like it. Kids talk about being stressed today, I never used the word til I was 30.   

For all of life, I always believe there will come a balance at some point in time.  Life(God) is always fair.

I have forgiven (no grudges) and I acknowledge her sacrifices, but now and again I am reminded. I think it's a reminder for my motherhood.  I hope I will be forgiven for my imperfections, not because I did not know better but because it was my best.  We are mothers but we are unfortunately human. Let's hope for sensitivity and wisdom for ourselves and our kids.

Oct 29, 2009

Grading Mummy


My youngest son and I were talking about how his teacher grades his essays.  I was trying to explain the term 'criteria'.  He went  'mmm I guess vocabulary and grammar',  yes an ideas too I added,  how interesting his composition is, makes a difference. 
Somehow we moved to grading his teacher. At first he said ten out of ten, I prodded him and asked him his 'criteria'.. 'his reasons'.  He thought about it out loud and decided she was not perfect, she did not know everything (cause she didn't know the plural for ox was oxen !! ). His teacher got downgraded to six out of ten (oops!).
Then we moved to 'sister' - she was happy to hear him give her a grade of  eight out of ten. I tried to get her 'marked down' ..with criteria (evil grin !!, she glared at me)  Obviously sister was not that 'bad' to him.  I think it's because she shares her IPod with him eventhough she does yell at him from time to time.
Brother did not fare that well, although I suspect at a different time or day his grading would have improved.

Finally we came to Mummy, here I was thinking perhaps I should have picked a better time, I had been 'nagging' him the whole morning about the ills of procrastination to get him to finish his homework. 
But,  he gave me a ten out of ten.  Of course to be fair,  I prodded him with reminders and a chance to re-think, I tried  (really did!) to get him to lower my grade, but (happily for me)  he remained firm, brushed aside anything else I attempted to bring up.
It's a wonderful feeling to be unconditionally loved inspite of our imperfections.

Oct 21, 2009

Moments & Snapshots

If you caught me at the wrong moment yesterday..(Gaia did).. I was fiddling with my blog look but as you can see,  I have not succeeded sob! (phew ! at least I didn't loose the posts)..For a moment I thought I'd succeeded but the buttons didn't work. I shall try again soon. 


Dear Diary ..today  I' m sort of tired , I'm thinking I'll keep it light.  ..I looked at photographs....
(No photo critiques please,  2 of these pix were taken with a camera phone. )






One of my proud moments with all 3 of my kids (so that would be 3 moments) , is when they each learned to ride a 2-wheeler on their own and within minutes. It was amazing really, I didn't have to hold on to the back of the seats. Amazing too because I recall it took me a few trials, some scrapes and a few days to master the balance bit. And yet they just sort of wobbled a bit and took off like it was the most natural thing to do. 
How fast they grow.....



The Zoo is one of the few favourite places which we never tire of visiting.  We love the white tigers in the Zoo and these poor guys had their moments too, through no fault of their own in Nov 08 . A worker in the Zoo had climbed into the enclosed area on purpose and gotten mauled by the animals.  I am sorry to say he did die which had appeared to be his intention according to reports.  There was talk about putting the animals down after that (because ignorant people were calling for it), but thank goodness, it was decided that it was not the fault of the animals; they were acting according to nature. I'm glad they're still there for us today and hope they will be there tomorrow for the third generation. They are an endangered species with less than 130 left in the world (when was that last count).

Leftovers in their less visible form are called memories. Stored in the refrigerator of the mind and the cupboard of the heart.- Thomas Fuller

Oct 8, 2009

A Day in the Life... Words


There's a rhyme that goes "sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me"..  who came up with this, it's absolutely not true.

Last night I got so mad with my older son, that I almost said something terribly harsh. I don’t think he realized his words hurt me and I don’t think he even remembered it after. I was fuming mad with him and that made me literally bark at the other two kids who did nothing wrong. I stopped myself; I refused to talk to him further and asked the other two kids not to talk to me because I was upset with their brother.

He is doing the PSLE this year and that has put him under pressure for the past few months now. It is something that has been building for both him and me too. Inspite of advice, much of the stress is self-inflicted, he is a worrier by nature. He is quite unstable in his emotions where his abilities and confidence are concerned and they fluctuate so wildly, it tires me out.

An hour after the episode, I went into his room to see him and he looked at me like nothing happened, like he didn’t have that self-righteous episode.
I let him be, I decided I was not going to pursue the matter then or today and try to make him recognize the wrong. Why, because it might dig a deeper hole in me and I don’t think he will come to the realization? It will bother me some but I’ll just blame immaturity(he's 12) or stress and give him space. Motherhood can be painful in more ways than one.

This morning I am back to my calm self, and I am glad that I bit my tongue and held back the words. Taking back words does not quite relieve you and somehow once you let go of those words, it’s not like you can take it back completely and wipe it from memory. I know the words would have hurt him (even if he does not seem to be listening) and me too.
This is not the first such incident, I’ve also decided when this happens again, I’ll handle it differently with reverse psychology rather than reason, that is try another doorway into his stubborn mind.

Sep 9, 2009

Football with Grandpa

On Sunday, I went walking with my two sons and grandpa came along. We walked for about half and hour and stopped by the park. The boys had brought their ball with them and so they started to play football.

What got to me was that grandpa who is in his mid-seventies decided to join them. My dad exercises regularly so I think he might be fitter than me anyway. Grandpa had moves to show his grandsons who have not had too much practise had this.
It was for that moment of time that I wished I could freeze and re-play over and over and just hold on to that feeling that wrapped around me. It was a happy playful half hour in the park, the three of them laughing and just having fun.

I have this thought(I won't say what), I think about it often.
My dad is a great person and a wonderful grandfather and I hope I have him for many more good years.

Sep 3, 2009

Moments to Sing

The toys, it's sad, have seen little light,
so infrequently used.
Radio or TV is not blasting today,
as if calm and quiet have fused.
I hear my child,
he is humming while playing with his jigsaw,
To hear such carefree, the tranquil, it touches my core.

I weep for lost time
when madness rules with noise and might.
Always inside, better to be out of sight.
Courage, come out, come out.
O loving Greatness
lead us by little steps out of anger and sadness.

My spirit soars to see the boys playing,
the little one humming.
My heart for a while, is singing.

(HA - Sep 2009)

Sep 2, 2009

The Sound of Music (Version 2009)


It's been a long day at work (everything is a priority). But I always enjoy the blogs to unwind.
I want to let you in on this little diversion in my life right now. It's about good neighbourliness and wonderful music.

The New Neighbour
We have a new neighbour. They are a young family, and moved in, a couple of months ago. There are 2 young children and a dog(terrier of sorts) too. The youngest is a girl just slightly over a year old.

The House
Their home is one of those rebuilt homes which is narrow but built upwards of two and a half storeys. There is a side yard between our two houses and our bedrooms are aligned on the side next to this neighbour..

The Child
Since they moved in, we have had quite a 'few' days and early mornings disturbed.
The young girl for some reason cries a lot and at all hours and mother lets her cry on. Because of the structure of the house, the cry carries through like an echo and is much louder. Unfortunately our bedroom windows open out to that side of the house.

The Music
When the little girl starts her wail, the little dog begins to howl( a mid-pitch soulful sound). And then just when he takes a breath, the big dog that lives in the house behind them begins to bark his part. And this wondrous acapella goes on and on until the child stops. The little terrier always has the last note.

Us
We meet over the fence or at the gate once in a while. There doesn’t appear to be anything wrong with the little girl, just like playful older sister, dad appears apologetic half the time and mum is always silent.
The little mutt (terrier) he appears normal too. Did I mention our bedrooms are on that side of the house ?

Mind you, we never complained. Now we just wait for little girl to grow up and contemplate the sound of music. {or they could move away ... fie fie away with you evil thoughts !..}

And the moral of this story is ..(I have no idea)...

Addendum 4/9 : figured out the moral here.. look at the brighter side, it could have been worse, now that I recall there used to be a neighbour beside the house with the big dog - and they housed a couple of squaking, screeching birds. Imagine, I could have had the full ensemble ( 4 parts).

Aug 31, 2009

A Day in the life ..child vs me vs petulance

I always have to give in!

On Sunday, my youngest was acting up because of his father's advise.
A couple hours later, he was sitting quietly doing a maze puzzle, so I thought I'd broach the topic. I didn't ask him a question, I wanted to talk to him and suggest something but he just refused to hear or let me proceed.

My son took out his grouchiness on me because he could. I thought to myself, I don't deserve this. 'Fine' I said to him, 'you don’t want to talk to me, I won’t talk to you.'

I decided I wanted to be petty.

A couple of hours later I came back from the supermarket, I bought him lozenges for his throat and passed them to him, he asked what flavour and for about 40sec he talked to me about flavours before I remembered ‘hey I’m not supposed to talk to you and you don’t want to talk to me remember?’ He said ‘But I want to talk to you’.
I said ‘No, it can't work that way’ but he insisted laughingly, so ok ... thought I, let’s try the same topic.

So, it appears that at the time, he was still choking on the advise his father gave him and just did not want to hear me. So the lesson.. don’t get to the touchy subject immediately, work around it, assess child’s mood then get to it.

So I always have to give in, sigh.. some days are tougher than others.

Laugh at Yourself

Out of the blue, I thought to myself today that I should teach my children to laugh at themselves. I think that in itself does wonders for character. It would actually help them be more accepting of imperfections, reduce preoccupation with self and negate pride.
I do and it helps.

When we begin to take our failures non-seriously, it means we are ceasing to be afraid of them. It is of immense importance to learn to laugh at ourselves - Katherine Mansfield

Laughter is a holy thing. It is as sacred as music and silence and solemnity, maybe more sacred. Laughter is like a prayer, like a bridge over which creatures tiptoe to meet each other. Laughter is like mercy; it heals. When you can laugh at yourself, you are free -Ted Loder

Aug 27, 2009

My 'hyper' child Story

My youngest is hyper. Constantly moving, even when he's standing still, he's literally 'dancing' on the spot. Ever so often we wonder how to run down the batteries. They’re way better than Energizers. They’re way too long lasting and don’t seem to need recharging. He falls asleep later than when he gets into bed. What keeps him going, It’s not sugar that’s for sure, he never ever tires.

My theory is that his constant movement keeps him recharged like a dynamo. You know why, because when he’s punished and made to sit still or stand still, he can actually fall asleep there on the spot .. quite amazing ..and that’s because like the dynamo, he’s not able to charge !

He loves cars. At the age of four, he discovered the wonder of a book. The book was the steering wheel of his imaginary car. (I suppose one has to begin somehow!) He would use any book, hold it in his two little hands like a steering wheel and ‘drive’ around the house with appropriate sound effects of course. Apparently he behaved in true form at the kindergarten too . The pre-school teacher complained to me that at reading time he had all the kids following his example. Of course I’d have a chat with him I said, but secretly I thought, that must have been an amusing sight to see... traffic jam in the nursery class.

Anyway 4 years later I’m glad to say, he’s getting into the hang of actually reading books on his own without me having to drive him to it (no pun of course)..

http://groups.google.com/group/mothers-always

Aug 23, 2009

Forgive & Forget; a child's right to anger?

Good age-old wisdom says - Forgive and Forget. The consequence is release, relief and peace.

Is it wrong if I can't forget even though I forgive.
Is it wrong if I can't forgive but forget mostly and just once in a while I remember.
Sometimes we preach what we ourselves find hard to practise. We're not saints, takes a while but we probably are able to in the long run - forgive but not really forget.

Children do not have this concept of forgive and forget. They just forget mostly and the wrong-doer rarely remembers the wrong to bother his conscience. And if they do suffer from anothers' actions, it's not about forgiving but just moving on whether they get an apology or not. Their experiences with wrong and right are (supposedly mostly) simpler.

While this piece of wisdom is meant to help unload baggage, we (adults) use it in another way too, though we may not realise it. To us, this right to withhold forgiveness is like our special power; it somehow gives us a vindictive hold over the person who has hurt us (it'll be on his conscience); it acts as a sort of coping mechanism for our anger in the short run (it helps us control the need to lash out). We rationalise it. In the long run it becomes baggage.

But what of a child - who is not capable of this rationale nor grasp the concepts of forgiveness or conscience or guilt, what does he do when he is so troubled by someone and not able to forget or move on? Either lash out at the one who hurt them or at the ones around them.
It's quite difficult to explain to them about forgiveness - seems incomprehensible, illogical. So how do we help them cope? Adults can handle some baggage, but I don't think a child should have any. If they cannot confront the wrong-doer, the only solution seems to be let them lash out and then address the actions or comments as they unfold.

My earlier post Emotions on the subject was about similar questions, I think the question buzzing in my head is, how to teach a child not to hate (even if he's justified).

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